I'm 22. My life was destroyed because my child was taken. I have no confidence.

[ChelseaaSmith]

I'm going to cut the story short.

At 17, I had a baby.

At 19, he was taken away by social services. Unjustly, because I have borderline personality disorder and I ended an abusive relationship 5 months before they took him. I had never harmed him, I breastfed him until the day they took him. (23 months). He was forward, clever, happy, well dressed, content. Every report says this. But they took him anyway. He now lives with my sister and will until he is 18. He's about to turn 5.

 

Since this, my self confidence has gone. I don't want to get a job because I can't face people; I hate leaving the house because I am so embarrassed. I see him almost every day which is a positive... but I have nothing else to live for. If he was adopted by other people, I would have ended my life, no questions asked. I still feel like ending my life. But my baby stops me. I know it would hurt him, and he would eventually blame himself.

 

I want to be better, I want to fix my life. I know he can never come home. But I look in the mirror and I feel ugly. I feel unwell every single day, I can't wake up in the mornings and I can't remember the last time I wasn't tired.

I have no income whatsoever as the DWP closed my claim because I couldn't get to a medical assessment. I have literally nothing.

 

How am I supposed to keep living like this? I can't get a job because I left school early due to mental health problems, interviews are enough to make me relapse and self harm because I'm so stupid and embarrassed by everything. No where would take me on. I have nothing in life. No confidence. No self esteem. No money. No desire to live.

 

How do I pull myself out of this rut? I am seeing a psychotherapist that my mum pays for (£40 a bloody hour!!!) but it's not working.

[dias]

First things first! You are still young, you haven't "missed" the train.

 

Get a job as a waitress at a restaurant, even at McDonald's. From then you can start building your life. Study and work part time or something.

 

Unfortunately, only getting realistic can make you end this vicious circle. Paying a psychotherapist will not solve your problems. Get yourself together somehow. The only thing I personally have found working is to do things even if you don't want. It's sh*tty I know but when you feel not wanting to leave the house, get dressed and get out. When you don't want to go to an interview, just get prepared and go. Actions change reality, not feelings or talking. Way easier said than done, but it is what it is.

 

Small steps. Everyday do something that makes you a bit better than the previous day. Even something like laundry, washing dishes, chores etc.

 

Good luck!

[glitterfingers]

It sounds like you might benefit from medication of some sort, or even a short stint in a psychiatric hospital where you can get properly assessed and round the clock care for a little while. It might take some of the pressure off and allow you to look at avenues for help

 

The important thing is to take tiny steps to get to where you need to go. The thought of everything that you need to do to get to where you want to be probably paralyses you at times. And it would, because there's a lot of steps in between, anyone in your position would feel overwhelmed by that regardless of their mental health status. Focus on the things you can do, rather than the things you can't. Can you make it to a medical assessment next week? If so, make that your focus. Can you get a job for 10 hours a week in easy work? Make that your goal for next month. Baby steps

 

Push yourself, but in small ways

[melancholy123]

I too think you need professional help. If the therapist you are seeing now isnt helping then find another one.

[ShohratShankar]

You have to overcome with this. If you don't then there is no chance to get back your child.

Start with new Day, New way. Hope is the thing that keeps us alive and motivated in this world. If you lose this, Sorry to say, but no chance to get back him.

Be strong!

[abitbroken]

Getting your GED will be your first step. You have limited job prospects without it.

 

Also, how could you not get to a medical assessment? if your parents pay for therapy for you, surely they would drive you to a medical assessment if it meant getting you less dependent on them.

[muluv]

Be someone your son would be proud of. You have to be strong.

 

I relate to those nasty feeling 100%.

When you feel this way: say NO to those thoughts, close your eyes, and PICTURE the person youd like to be.

 

Shes in there, you just have to be strong enough to help her rise above.

The only one stopping you is you.

gl love

[thornz]

Hi, BPD is a terrible illness, known for being unresponsive to, or even being made worse by medication.

 

The feelings you have are a product of your illness and are not because what you feel about yourself is true.

 

Your psychotherapist will not be much use unless they can exercise DBT with you, it's the only proven treatment for BPD and was developed especially for this illness. Speak with your parents and tell them your therapy is not helping and you would like to find a therapist who specialises in treating BPD patients using DBT.

 

In the meantime if you read there are some great books you can buy to help you work through managing your emotions. Treat getting more stable and healthy as your new job, study religiously with the aim of getting better for yourself and your child.

 

There are also a lot of great videos on YouTube, my favourite on there is Kati Morton.

 

 

 

When your health improves you may be able to have shared or full custody. Wishing you all the best in your recovery.

[Wiseman2]

Try to go back to DWP and refile a claim and agree to the terms, including getting appropriate medical and emotional care.

At 17, I had a baby. At 19, he was taken away by social services. because I have borderline personality disorder.I have no income whatsoever as the DWP closed my claim because I couldn't get to a medical assessment.