Autistic guy likes me, HELP??

[December123]

***Ok so I don't want to seem offensive here, he is autistic so it's not like it would work out anyway***

 

So basically there's this autistic guy in my community college class. He kept being left out of conversations and looking left out.

I was really annoyed about this, so I started reaching out to him, making conversation with him and inviting him to spend break times with my group, maybe I went too far, because he started saying pick up lines eg I asked how his weekend was and he replied "was boring without you" and always insisting on sitting beside me.

I literally just treated him the way I'd treat any friend, BUT I do totally appreciate that I should have thought about the way I was acting and how it may be perceived by him, I just didn't properly consider that, I've never been around autistic ppl before.

I do feel terrible for leading him on.

 

What can I do to break it to him gently that I don't like him that way?

[Starlight925]

I'm sorry, but the tone of your post is so offensive I'm requesting from the mods that it be removed.

[Seraphim]

My son is autistic and I hate to tell you anyone who goes to college is not severely autistic . Number two don't play with people's feelings .

[Seraphim]

I'm sorry, but the tone of your post is so offensive I'm requesting from the mods that it be removed.

 

Exactly.

 

There are are people as a part of this community .

[December123]

Ok maybe "severly autistic" was a bit of stretch but I was just trying to get the point across that he has issues with communication, like if u try to make a long, in depth conversation with him he'll end it with short or one word answers etc, relationships require conversations, if someone struggles or doesn't enjoy those then a relationship wouldn't work. I'm NOT trying to be rude or offensive, I am really sorry if I worded it in an offensive way, but that's all I'm trying to say.

I have absolutely nothing against autistic ppl and I definitely do value his friendship and want to be his friend though.

Also, I did explain that I literally just treated him like any other friend, I'm a girl and I treated him the exact same way I would treat a female friend. Obviously I should have realised it can be different for autistic ppl but I just didn't think about that, I was trying to treat him like a normal person not like a "special" person like the way I've seen other ppl treat him, with IS offensive.

[Seraphim]

He probably understands far more than you think he does .

[December123]

I mean I DONT think he's stupid, heck he's wayyy ahead of the class most of the time, always answering questions in class and getting them right every time.

He doesn't enjoy conversation, a lot of the time he will end conversations he's invited into, that's totally OK, his life but u can't exactly date someone who doesn't like talking most of the time and that's literally all I'm saying

[Pleasedonot5]

I have experience with this and being followed, etc. from a very well-meaning autistic girl. Autistic people have a harder time picking up on social cues. You have to let them know politely, but directly.

 

Obviously have a heart, but if it's super uncomfortable you have the right to say what you are feeling.

________

 

Also, I didn't read anything very offensive in this post. What are you guys seeing that I'm not?

[Seraphim]

I mean I DONT think he's stupid, heck he's wayyy ahead of the class most of the time, always answering questions in class and getting them right every time.

He doesn't enjoy conversation, a lot of the time he will end conversations he's invited into, that's totally OK, his life but u can't exactly date someone who doesn't like talking most of the time and that's literally all I'm saying

Sure they can. Reciprocal conversations are difficult for them . That doesn't mean they're incapable of relationships .

[Seraphim]

My son has aspirations to one day be married and have children . He may be a man of few words but he means what he says says what he means . He's not a liar he doesn't play games . He has little to no ability to be a manipulator . Those are all great attributes .

[December123]

Im not saying he'll never be in a relationship but just not with me. I don't have romantic feelings for him. I'm a straight girl and I literally treated him the exact same way I would treat a girl- how I treat all male friends. I'm not going to force myself to date someone I don't like in that way, I would never do that to anyone because that's actually a lot more hurtful than being honest about it.

[Seraphim]

Im not saying he'll never be in a relationship but just not with me. I don't have romantic feelings for him. I'm a straight girl and I literally treated him the exact same way I would treat a girl- how I treat all male friends. I'm not going to force myself to date someone I don't like in that way, I would never do that to anyone because that's actually a lot more hurtful than being honest about it.

I am not saying you have to. All you have to say is I enjoy being your friend but that's as far as it goes .

[Seraphim]

Personally though I think it's great that this young man is reaching out and talking to people in college . My son prefers not to and for the most part doesn't speak to people who speak to him .

[December123]

Yeah it's good. At first it was like he didn't want to but he's rrly opened up since then. Aw well as long as he's happy though 😊😊

[Seraphim]

Yeah it's good. At first it was like he didn't want to but he's rrly opened up since then. Aw well as long as he's happy though 😊😊

 

If he has really opened up that means he feels secure with you and that's great. It doesn't mean you have to be a girlfriend just be a good friend . They often do not open up until they feel secure with someone. I know my son certainly does not .

[pippy longstocking]

What a compliment to you that he feels comfortable in such an agonising situation for someone with autism , I would feel more then blessed to have his friendship .

[Seraphim]

Absolutely, pippy.

 

OP, just be kind like you said . Everyone in this world needs friends .

[pippy longstocking]

Absolutely, pippy.

 

OP, just be kind like you said . Everyone in this world needs friends .

 

You are making me fill up vic

[Seraphim]

For instantance my best girlfriend has an autistic daughter . My son has known her daughter for about two years and only recently said more than hi. He's extremely difficult to get to know but it's well worth it once you do so . Then you find out he's extremely funny . And he has a vast amount of knowledge . That he's very loyal and sweet . But most people never get to know that. Very often autistic people are extremely bullied in life. My son was extremely bullied in grade school and from then on chose to stick to people he knows very well .

[Pleasedonot5]

My best friend is autistic (high-functioning).

 

That said, there is no requirement that you have to be friends or in a relationship with someone with autism. If you feel you are being bothered or followed, you can say so. I recommend doing it directly and politely.

 

If it isn't uncomfortable for you and you don't feel followed, etc. then just have a heart and enjoy their friendship.

[abitbroken]

I commend you for including someone who was previously left out. But i do think leading him on is wrong, too. I would encourage other people in your group (specifically guys) to extend invites to him/spread the spirit of inclusion that way and don't be his sole way to have social interaction and fade into the background. Also, if you feel he is hitting on you and not just saying very direct, nice things with no filter, i would make sure he understands that you are just friends and also let him know when he is being inappropriate.

[WombatShadow]

OP, I have been in your shoes. I reached out to a loner in my class who later identified himself as having Asperger's. We would talk for hours every night on Facebook, and I reveled in what might have been the beginnings of a relationship. This took a turn when I realized that he did not know the limits of normal socialization, and so thought that he could demand to come visit me at home for two weeks over Christmas and that would just magically happen. When I wasn't cool with the idea, he refused to speak to me for a month and then began stalking me upon the start of the new semester, claiming that we were in love and that it was meant to be. I eventually got him to stop, but it took a lot of effort on my part and a lot of help from my friends.

 

That said, I agree with so many of the posts here. Don't look down on him; he may just be learning how to socially interact. By all accounts the experience that dude had with me helped him a ton, and he's doing much better (I don't keep in touch because, well, stalker and all). Definitely try to get other people to hang out with him and keep him company, because that will show him that he can socialize with others as well and introduce him to other friendships which may take the burden off of you.

[Seraphim]

Also if you have met one person with Aspergers ( autism) you have met one person . Like everyone else they are all different . And it's a spectrum and people are affected differently in different ways and no two are ever the same . Also don't believe stereotypes .

[Jibralta]

Her question was very clumsily phrased, but I don't get the impression that she's trying to put this guy down, or that she thinks less of him as a person. Seems to me she came from a place of compassion, got a response that she didn't like and wasn't prepared for, and felt overwhelmed. She is just looking for guidance from people who have experience or knowledge.

[catfeeder]

When he says inappropriate things, tell him kindly that that's an inappropriate thing to say to a friend. You don't need to venture into any kind of rejection territory, but you can state your boundaries as necessary over time.