Heartbroken.. Seeking advice to help me move on?

[Schockobaerin]

I forgot to say Welcome @mynameisneo and @hs782356

@mynameisneo: I know that to be friends with the ex is almost impossible and he knows that as well, but "wants to play that game" Im just not into it.. Lets see what is going to happen in this time.. Who knows, the best way for me is to get over him, whatever is going to happen.

[hs782356]

Yeah, he "contacted" after 10 days or ignoring me, but Im sure that he still talks to his exgf, is still very active on tinder, he was very eager to reassure me that our wasnt a "break" but a "breakup" because he wanted to be sure he is free to be with other girls, and again he feels "im ready for another romantic relationship". After this conversation he didnt contact me anymore, well anyway I know he is going to respect my wishes. He wants to live the single life, to date, to still talk to his exgf (she wants him back, he mm maybe, but its hard because they live in different continents) and I was the stupid pretty thing that was very "available" for him, and to make matters worst I always told him that I only wanted HIM; so thanks to me his EGO is very high.. Maybe he wants to date casually someone else, but good luck on finding someone like me, but apparently I just couldnt replace the ex... He has been always very nice to me, but he doesnt want to admit that he hurt me very much. I just made the decision on dissapearing completely of social media and deep inside, I think that after a couple of months without me he is going to finally realize how important and valuable am I for him. Last breakup he was miserable and missed me a lot, but he thinks it was because of his depression, and we were in contact every 2 weeks (I was away on holiday for 4 months). Now and at least last weekend he gave the impression to feel really good without me, but again, he called me.. So... Who knows. I just want to heal and to get over him, anyway if he comes back, I want him to fight for me and to get over my emotions and dont repeat past mistakes. Its not easy, right now Im in my worst shape, but slowly I want to feel pretty again. I tried to date 2 weeks ago and just cried, I wasnt ready, and truthfully Im still not in the mood for that or for going out. Im beginning a practice soon so Im going to occupy myself with things I love and meet new people and old friends. That is going to be refreshing.

I just want to get better and for things to work up on the end with or without him, because he dumped me when I needed him most, i recently graduated and Im looking for a job, I needed just a little emotional support, and he just grew scared (old wounds you know) and I paid the price.. Anyway he took me for granted and I let him do this to me, and that needs to change, because for me my priority must be ME and only ME

 

Yes. Your priority should be you and only you. Take you time and think about what is best for you.

The only reason why I am being so active here is to try to understand what is best for me. And I guess the best thing is letting go if he loved me truely he will be back and if has not I will be fine too because I am worthy of true love.

We all are worthy of true love. Today he wants me out but I guess somebody he will miss me when I am not around or "available" to him. Seriously, good luck finding a person like me who would loved you with all her heart. I have never looked at another person because I just felt he is the one. I used to feel even if someday I fall out of love with him I will stay with him because he is so amazing I will fall back again. I took my time to completely analyize my feelings for this person and was very sure I would spend my life with him and Iguess that hurts me the most. rejection at this stage.

But I will try to be my saviour and help myself. I do need emotional support I guess I have to find it here and within my friend circle instead of him. He doesn't care as of now if he will in future yes I too want him to fight for me.

But right now let's just fight to keep ourselves better.

[hs782356]

I forgot to say Welcome @mynameisneo and @hs782356

@mynameisneo: I know that to be friends with the ex is almost impossible and he knows that as well, but "wants to play that game" Im just not into it.. Lets see what is going to happen in this time.. Who knows, the best way for me is to get over him, whatever is going to happen.

 

I hope we get better everyday. we will. I know it is impossible and he too wants to play that game. But I am not in a emotional state to accept that. I guess I am leaving everything in the hands of God and destiny. I hope things get better for me. and for all of you.

[hs782356]

Yeah, he "contacted" after 10 days or ignoring me, but Im sure that he still talks to his exgf, is still very active on tinder, he was very eager to reassure me that our wasnt a "break" but a "breakup" because he wanted to be sure he is free to be with other girls, and again he feels "im ready for another romantic relationship". After this conversation he didnt contact me anymore, well anyway I know he is going to respect my wishes. He wants to live the single life, to date, to still talk to his exgf (she wants him back, he mm maybe, but its hard because they live in different continents) and I was the stupid pretty thing that was very "available" for him, and to make matters worst I always told him that I only wanted HIM; so thanks to me his EGO is very high.. Maybe he wants to date casually someone else, but good luck on finding someone like me, but apparently I just couldnt replace the ex... He has been always very nice to me, but he doesnt want to admit that he hurt me very much. I just made the decision on dissapearing completely of social media and deep inside, I think that after a couple of months without me he is going to finally realize how important and valuable am I for him. Last breakup he was miserable and missed me a lot, but he thinks it was because of his depression, and we were in contact every 2 weeks (I was away on holiday for 4 months). Now and at least last weekend he gave the impression to feel really good without me, but again, he called me.. So... Who knows. I just want to heal and to get over him, anyway if he comes back, I want him to fight for me and to get over my emotions and dont repeat past mistakes. Its not easy, right now Im in my worst shape, but slowly I want to feel pretty again. I tried to date 2 weeks ago and just cried, I wasnt ready, and truthfully Im still not in the mood for that or for going out. Im beginning a practice soon so Im going to occupy myself with things I love and meet new people and old friends. That is going to be refreshing.

I just want to get better and for things to work up on the end with or without him, because he dumped me when I needed him most, i recently graduated and Im looking for a job, I needed just a little emotional support, and he just grew scared (old wounds you know) and I paid the price.. Anyway he took me for granted and I let him do this to me, and that needs to change, because for me my priority must be ME and only ME

 

And I live in a differnt continent as him, he is in asia I am in US. I hope we are not talking about the same person. LOL

[Schockobaerin]

Yes. Your priority should be you and only you. Take you time and think about what is best for you.

The only reason why I am being so active here is to try to understand what is best for me. And I guess the best thing is letting go if he loved me truely he will be back and if has not I will be fine too because I am worthy of true love.

We all are worthy of true love. Today he wants me out but I guess somebody he will miss me when I am not around or "available" to him. Seriously, good luck finding a person like me who would loved you with all her heart. I have never looked at another person because I just felt he is the one. I used to feel even if someday I fall out of love with him I will stay with him because he is so amazing I will fall back again. I took my time to completely analyize my feelings for this person and was very sure I would spend my life with him and Iguess that hurts me the most. rejection at this stage.

But I will try to be my saviour and help myself. I do need emotional support I guess I have to find it here and within my friend circle instead of him. He doesn't care as of now if he will in future yes I too want him to fight for me.

But right now let's just fight to keep ourselves better.

 

You know that the best thing we can do is to kill any hope, but that is extremely difficult.. We must work on it, maybe with time This is very hard, but one day in the future (I hope not so far) hopefully we are going to come back here and read everything and just say: What was I thinking about, how could I possibly be like this for that person who didnt appreciate me? What the hell was I feeling for him? and laught about it, about how pathetic and desperate we were...Wondering about the time we lost and the tears.. just wrong

[Schockobaerin]

And I live in a differnt continent as him, he is in asia I am in US. I hope we are not talking about the same person. LOL

 

hahaha noo I dont think so, WE(He and I ) live in Scandinavia and she lives in south america, they lived together for a loong time I think more than 5 years and she couldnt adapt, so she wanted him to move to her country, he didnt and she decided to go without him, now she wants him, but none of them plan to move out, now that is a mess, she was like "his mother" and Im just not the "dominant/nagging type" for me it should be a partnership, I spoil but want to be spoiled as well, maybe I was "too nice" and he missed to be treated like a kid, at the beginning I was very "needy" but I changed and he noticed it, Im south american too, but live here for a very long time and adapted myself very well to this culture without losing mine, so there were some "cultural clashes" but I tried to balance them, he just couldnt I dont know what the hell is he thinking and why everything has to be so complicated for him Funny thing is that he and I correctly live in different countries(but only 1 hour away from train) and anyway in a couple of years I plan to move out to his city anyway. That was his lame excuse as well, the "distance" come on! I was the one travelling back and forth grr.. It makes me very upset to think about it. I speak 4 languages, are very smart, pretty, nurturing, understanding, open and nice, not to count that I have the warm and passion that people here lacks, maybe Im looking for a job now, but I have a european degree in a natural science and wonderful job options as well, hell Im a catch and he is just letting me go! Im not perfect and like everybody else have mistakes, and he has his things too, but come on!!! I just cannot believe him!

[Helpmesavethis]

I've been offline for a while. I got my daughter back from her dad so we've been hanging out. I had a lot to catch up on. Honestly, I cannot believe the number of people doing what these men and women are doing to us. How on Earth can people toy with others feelings like this?? I'm so thankful to have others to understand what I'm going thru... so thank you to each and every one of you sharing your experiences here, good or bad...

Anyway, it was NC straight away for 16 days for me... I broke yesterday morning, it's be roughly 36 hours and he has chosen to ignore me. It hurts. It really does but I think it also made me wake up. It is making me think of him less. It's making me angry that he can just ignore me like this on top of the fact he can go from being all about me to nothing. I know everything I should be doing, it's just easier said than done. But I know my worth. I know what I bring to the table. I know what I deserve and I won't settle for less... So suck it up buttercup, it's time to get over this man who obviously does not care for me enough to make things work and is putting me thru so much heartache/pain... We've got this. Stay strong everyone. 💜💜💜

[Woah93]

[video=youtube_share;6LqvE0wA27U] ]

 

Yeah talking to a professional really helps, but be careful about following their advice on how to get your ex back or anything... I actually have been looking into attachment theory and it made so much sense to me...

I have a feeling most of us here are of the anxious attachment style... we tend to cling more and more when we feel disconnection, the avoidant, well... runs away.

Just wanted to share this here as this guy really helped me. If you have the money I also really recommend booking a skype session with him, it really helps to talk to a professional about this. To understand why NC is the best way to go, to really understand it will make it much easier to stick to it. Most therapists do not have a clue about break-ups either, but this guy is legit, trust me.

[Mandala]

I'm doing NC and trying to focus on myself. I practice Yoga and Meditation. A lot. I watch a lot of youtube videos about how to heal from a breakup, the no contact rule and everything that can somehow help me. I read articles, quotes...

When the thought of him arises, "I look at it", accept it and let it go away. I try not to hold on to it. I cry.

One of the things that has helped me the most so far though are the awesome, selfless people I have found on this forum. I can't express how grateful I am for each one of them. Their support has become vital for my healing.

I will share with you a post that I have been going back to read over and over and it's from sweet Schockobaerin:

 

"Dear, you are detoxing, is normal how are you feeling, its ok to feel like this and come here to vent out your emotions, but Im going to tell you something that has helped me to avoid calling him.

You have two ways:

1) Contact him, stalk him, call him a lot of times: There you are going to "get your fix" and sometimes he is going to answer and mostly not, you know why? Because if you do this you reek of "desperation, clinginess and neediness" and that is going to reassure him that it was a good decision to get away from you, because now you are showing your true colors, as simple as that. He is going to come to despise you and in the worst case scenario he is going to resort to blocking you and that my dear is going to be worst, you are not only going to lose your dignity but all chances to get back together with him. Another case: He comes back to you, but is still not sure, then sooner rather than later he is going to take you from granted and ditch you again(that happened to me), you know why? Because he knows you are always to be there, and he is going to feel overwhelmed by your attemps, if he wants you back but is still unsure, GIVE HIM TIME to reconquest you.. That was my biggest mistake, and here are am again heartbroken. This way also prevents you of healing and empowering yourself.

 

2) NC, be cool: This way you are not only going to heal, but if you have any chance of getting back with him, you are going to give him space and time to miss you and really appreciate what is losing without you. The majority of this sudden breakups (mine included) is fear and pressure, give him time. But the most important, give yourself time to think about it, to heal, to love him less, to love yourself more, to grow. If he doesnt come back, hell, then why the hell do you want someone who doesnt love you or doesnt want to fight for you (Im still struggling to accept this fact). In your special case, you must remember that your ex is in the caribbean and his head is somewhere there, the least he needs now is a crazy needy exgf. This way is the most difficult, from my experience I can attest to it, but is the only and the best option if you want to heal, because my dear you must think on yourself.

 

What do you think about all this? This is going to get better, just try to distract yourself, watch movies, pray, try to meditate, cry a lot, talk alone(as you were with him), write... Its like a detoxing and you are having withdrawals, Im still having them after 4 weeks of the breakup, LC and since last weekend strict NC, it hurts like hell, and everytime my phone rings, I have the hope, its him, but I know that doesnt make any sense, because we both agreed to go NC for my healing and from his healing as well. Dont make the mistake of being too avaliable (I didnt want to listen and here am I in this painful situation). I promise you everything is going to be fine.."

 

You will find many other great suggestions here, I just happen to need to remember these things in particular over and over, because even if I do know all of this already, my thoughts try to constantly distract me from what's best for me right now and to make me forget.

You will find something that resonates with you, at a certain point someone will tell you something that will click and opens your eyes.

I promise. Keep implementing NC, keep coming back, ESPECIALLY when you have the urge to contact him. There is even a thread dedicated to that. You can write there what you would like to tell him. I did it yesterday. It's liberating.

 

Mynameisneo is also giving great advise. Pay attention, re-read the posts. Each person here is full of compassion (the great gift of pain) and I highly suggest to keep coming back. It truly works like therapy.

Good luck honey, we are all here for you and for each other. Much Love. ❤️

[mynameisneo]

I promise. Keep implementing NC, keep coming back, ESPECIALLY when you have the urge to contact him. There is even a thread dedicated to that. You can write there what you would like to tell him. I did it yesterday. It's liberating.

 

I did this today, writing it in my private journal. I actually wrote as if I was talking directly to her, and told her why I wanted to look at her FB and Insta profiles, and the profiles of her friends. It not only cured the urge to stalk, looking at the words in black and white helped me realize (again) that the thoughts were irrational.

 

Today's been really hard for me. I appreciate you all letting me contribute to your thread. It's helped me not relapse. I'm glad I was able to offer something of substance. Not much is original. It's mostly stuff that worked for everyone else that I use and stick to as closely as I can, because it worked for everyone else. That's my only way out.

 

One thing I forgot. My best friend told me this when my ex and I broke up, and I repeat it, over and over, when I feel like I miss her, want her back, etc:

 

"Love is not supposed to hurt. If it does, it's not good love, and you don't want it."

 

Must have said it 50 times today. Bitter, but the best medicine tastes the worst.

[Mandala]

Most of our thoughts are definitely irrational when we experience withdrawals... Good job on writing them down and recognize it. It's all progress.

 

Your contribute to the thread is precious and I'm glad you are here. I'll be totally honest, my will power is not very stable right now and keeping coming here and reading the posts is truly what has prevented me to do the mistake of calling him.

 

I agree with your friend completely, I always say that Love is not painful. We must keep that in mind.

We must keep saying it to ourselves... even a hundred times if necessary!

Thank you for being here.

[romanivor]

Hey ya'll! I am sorry to hear about everyone's pain of getting over their significant other.

 

I am in my 4th week of NC. She basically just ended it without telling me anything, so didn't get any closure from her. However, I must say for my 4th week of NC this is getting much easier! I feel 50% healed already!

 

What I did:

1. Deleted/Removed every memory of her from my phone and apartment.

2. Changed her name on my phone to the reason we ended our relationship, "Lied & Was Never There For You"

3. Anytime I have those "feels", I force myself to start thinking of all the reasons why we ended and those resolve the "feels" completely.

4. Knowing that I did nothing wrong in the relationship allowed me to have no regrets regarding the ending of the relationship.

5. Started working out and eating healthy... Improving myself daily!

6. Socializing way more! Hanging out with co-workers. Going on dates with other girls, talking to more girls, etc..

 

I actually met someone that I am interested in and they are interested in me... This helped me get partially over my ex much quickly in the last 4-weeks. I can only imagine where I will bein 8-weeks of NC.

 

I have NO desire to talk to my ex. I am actually hoping she messages me so I can ignore all her attempts of getting a hold of me.

 

At the end of the day, you deserve better. This guy dropped you - regardless of how good the relationship was (mine was good for 2-years and then all of a sudden it ended), actions always speak louder than words. There is no excuse in the WORLD for him to leave you like that. If he really wanted it to work, he would FIGHT for you and BE WITH you regardless of the excuse. I can tell you one thing, if you do get back with him, he will do it again, guaranteed.

 

You need to stand up for yourself and continue moving forward. I promise it gets better. It is completely normal to feel the way you are at 2-weeks of NC. You have gained so much momentum don't contact him to only have to start all over. You can do this and you have all of us here supporting you at the end of the finish line!

[Woah93]

Well I just broke NC lol, 3 weeks ago when I was angry my last words to her were quite angry and spiteful and to absolve of guilt and a sense of closure I sent her one last text on messenger, after which I muted all future reply, and deleted the conversation again... not sure if it was the right thing but I feel a little better about it...

 

"Hey, I know we said goodbye forever, but I don't want to be what I said to you to be my last words, I would never wish harm on you, or have ill intent toward you, I hope you know that. Anyway you have been in my thoughts these last few weeks and I hope you are doing okay, I have certainly missed you a lot. Anyway that's all, I wish you well with whatever you are doing right now, and all your future plans, I just want you to be happy. X (my name)."

 

I know everyone says NC so I'm conflicted if this was the right thing to do or if I should have kept up radiosilence but yeah...

[hs782356]

hahaha noo I dont think so, WE(He and I ) live in Scandinavia and she lives in south america, they lived together for a loong time I think more than 5 years and she couldnt adapt, so she wanted him to move to her country, he didnt and she decided to go without him, now she wants him, but none of them plan to move out, now that is a mess, she was like "his mother" and Im just not the "dominant/nagging type" for me it should be a partnership, I spoil but want to be spoiled as well, maybe I was "too nice" and he missed to be treated like a kid, at the beginning I was very "needy" but I changed and he noticed it, Im south american too, but live here for a very long time and adapted myself very well to this culture without losing mine, so there were some "cultural clashes" but I tried to balance them, he just couldnt I dont know what the hell is he thinking and why everything has to be so complicated for him Funny thing is that he and I correctly live in different countries(but only 1 hour away from train) and anyway in a couple of years I plan to move out to his city anyway. That was his lame excuse as well, the "distance" come on! I was the one travelling back and forth grr.. It makes me very upset to think about it. I speak 4 languages, are very smart, pretty, nurturing, understanding, open and nice, not to count that I have the warm and passion that people here lacks, maybe Im looking for a job now, but I have a european degree in a natural science and wonderful job options as well, hell Im a catch and he is just letting me go! Im not perfect and like everybody else have mistakes, and he has his things too, but come on!!! I just cannot believe him!

 

Yes! Girl, you are a catch, hell he is just letting you go. And he thinks he can find somebody as great as you. I am so glad to know that you have the warm and passion, I feel really connected to you. Especially because we are in similar situation. But you are on the right path, I know it is easier said than done that just go NC, we will have our relapse and we are going to make our mistakes which is important to because that is how we will learn. I just hope we have the courage to say no to him unless that person really fights for us. Or if he doesn't we will lose nothing. We should just try to love ourselves. we should really try be kind to ourselves.

 

You are amazing in everyway. You deserve good things in life not this pain. And getting rid of him is a way to better tomorrow.

 

I hope our urges die just as his feelings that he killed our relationship with. Hell, we don't need somebody who doesn't need us. We are all we need.

[hs782356]

Well I just broke NC lol, 3 weeks ago when I was angry my last words to her were quite angry and spiteful and to absolve of guilt and a sense of closure I sent her one last text on messenger, after which I muted all future reply, and deleted the conversation again... not sure if it was the right thing but I feel a little better about it...

 

"Hey, I know we said goodbye forever, but I don't want to be what I said to you to be my last words, I would never wish harm on you, or have ill intent toward you, I hope you know that. Anyway you have been in my thoughts these last few weeks and I hope you are doing okay, I have certainly missed you a lot. Anyway that's all, I wish you well with whatever you are doing right now, and all your future plans, I just want you to be happy. X (my name)."

 

I know everyone says NC so I'm conflicted if this was the right thing to do or if I should have kept up radiosilence but yeah...

 

You know the problem is you are too great for her. Really. You have been so kind her even after she hurt you and you have the maturity to realize that last should not be bitter.

About NC, I am not sure if it is the right thing for everyone who is going through a break up. I feel that the right thing to do is what you feel really helps you getting over bad things of your life. It could be anything and you are the only person who can help you find it. We are here to help you in anyway you need. We and your family and friends are you support. Please let your feelings out. We are here for you!

[Mandala]

Hey ya'll! I am sorry to hear about everyone's pain of getting over their significant other.

 

I am in my 4th week of NC. She basically just ended it without telling me anything, so didn't get any closure from her. However, I must say for my 4th week of NC this is getting much easier! I feel 50% healed already!

 

What I did:

1. Deleted/Removed every memory of her from my phone and apartment.

2. Changed her name on my phone to the reason we ended our relationship, "Lied & Was Never There For You"

3. Anytime I have those "feels", I force myself to start thinking of all the reasons why we ended and those resolve the "feels" completely.

4. Knowing that I did nothing wrong in the relationship allowed me to have no regrets regarding the ending of the relationship.

5. Started working out and eating healthy... Improving myself daily!

6. Socializing way more! Hanging out with co-workers. Going on dates with other girls, talking to more girls, etc..

 

I actually met someone that I am interested in and they are interested in me... This helped me get partially over my ex much quickly in the last 4-weeks. I can only imagine where I will bein 8-weeks of NC.

 

I have NO desire to talk to my ex. I am actually hoping she messages me so I can ignore all her attempts of getting a hold of me.

 

At the end of the day, you deserve better. This guy dropped you - regardless of how good the relationship was (mine was good for 2-years and then all of a sudden it ended), actions always speak louder than words. There is no excuse in the WORLD for him to leave you like that. If he really wanted it to work, he would FIGHT for you and BE WITH you regardless of the excuse. I can tell you one thing, if you do get back with him, he will do it again, guaranteed.

 

You need to stand up for yourself and continue moving forward. I promise it gets better. It is completely normal to feel the way you are at 2-weeks of NC. You have gained so much momentum don't contact him to only have to start all over. You can do this and you have all of us here supporting you at the end of the finish line!

 

 

 

It's very motivating to hear someone that has gone through it and is finally seeing the light!

 

I'm glad you are feeling good about yourself and your progress, that's how it needs to be done!

 

While reading your second point I stopped and went to change the name of my ex on the phone... He's now officially known as... -drum roll- ... The Big Liar!

I actually feel proud of this move.

 

I'm implementing some of the other tips as well, maybe I won't be able to feel as good as you at the 4th week, but who knows? Life works in mysterious ways! For now I will cherish the little steps...

 

Thank you for your testimony of a great NC success!

[hs782356]

Hey ya'll! I am sorry to hear about everyone's pain of getting over their significant other.

 

I am in my 4th week of NC. She basically just ended it without telling me anything, so didn't get any closure from her. However, I must say for my 4th week of NC this is getting much easier! I feel 50% healed already!

 

What I did:

1. Deleted/Removed every memory of her from my phone and apartment.

2. Changed her name on my phone to the reason we ended our relationship, "Lied & Was Never There For You"

3. Anytime I have those "feels", I force myself to start thinking of all the reasons why we ended and those resolve the "feels" completely.

4. Knowing that I did nothing wrong in the relationship allowed me to have no regrets regarding the ending of the relationship.

5. Started working out and eating healthy... Improving myself daily!

6. Socializing way more! Hanging out with co-workers. Going on dates with other girls, talking to more girls, etc..

 

I actually met someone that I am interested in and they are interested in me... This helped me get partially over my ex much quickly in the last 4-weeks. I can only imagine where I will bein 8-weeks of NC.

 

I have NO desire to talk to my ex. I am actually hoping she messages me so I can ignore all her attempts of getting a hold of me.

 

At the end of the day, you deserve better. This guy dropped you - regardless of how good the relationship was (mine was good for 2-years and then all of a sudden it ended), actions always speak louder than words. There is no excuse in the WORLD for him to leave you like that. If he really wanted it to work, he would FIGHT for you and BE WITH you regardless of the excuse. I can tell you one thing, if you do get back with him, he will do it again, guaranteed.

 

You need to stand up for yourself and continue moving forward. I promise it gets better. It is completely normal to feel the way you are at 2-weeks of NC. You have gained so much momentum don't contact him to only have to start all over. You can do this and you have all of us here supporting you at the end of the finish line!

 

You are really lucky to find somebody who is interested in you. I hope I find somebody too so I can move forward. but most of the time I feel I can't really like anybody I don't have it in me. But I hope maybe in near future I can.

Thank you for the "What I did" points, I guess I will apply some in my life too and Hope it heals me completely or atleast 50%

[hs782356]

It's very motivating to hear someone that has gone through it and is finally seeing the light!

 

I'm glad you are feeling good about yourself and your progress, that's how it needs to be done!

 

While reading your second point I stopped and went to change the name of my ex on the phone... He's now officially known as... -drum roll- ... The Big Liar!

I actually feel proud of this move.

 

I'm implementing some of the other tips as well, maybe I won't be able to feel as good as you at the 4th week, but who knows? Life works in mysterious ways! For now, I will cherish the little steps...

 

Thank you for your testimony of a great NC success!

 

Hahaha super. I have changed it too, he is now - "Coward-who only wants sex".

[Woah93]

You know the problem is you are too great for her. Really. You have been so kind her even after she hurt you and you have the maturity to realize that last should not be bitter.

About NC, I am not sure if it is the right thing for everyone who is going through a break up. I feel that the right thing to do is what you feel really helps you getting over bad things of your life. It could be anything and you are the only person who can help you find it. We are here to help you in anyway you need. We and your family and friends are you support. Please let your feelings out. We are here for you!

 

Our break-up was quite complicated though, we got together in the middle of a pretty deep depression I was in, this lead to me having a lot of issues with pushing people away, especially those I love. I broke up with her first in our relationship, I had a lot of doubts during the relationship, and before the tables were reversed, where she was the one asking me to work it out. I broke her heart several times during, and couldn't see love when it was in front of my face. I sort of agree with her decision to walk away, the anger and bitterness came from the fact that near the end I made a lot of progress and started to see more clearly, but she was already done. I just wanted to give it one more shot, and she thought it wasn't worth it anymore... alas...

 

I sent that message because for 4 years before our relationship we were actually close friends who shared so much, it felt wrong to end it with hate...

[hs782356]

Our break-up was quite complicated though, we got together in the middle of a pretty deep depression I was in, this lead to me having a lot of issues with pushing people away, especially those I love. I broke up with her first in our relationship, I had a lot of doubts during the relationship, and before the tables were reversed, where she was the one asking me to work it out. I broke her heart several times during, and couldn't see love when it was in front of my face. I sort of agree with her decision to walk away, the anger and bitterness came from the fact that near the end I made a lot of progress and started to see more clearly, but she was already done. I just wanted to give it one more shot, and she thought it wasn't worth it anymore... alas...

 

I sent that message because for 4 years before our relationship we were actually close friends who shared so much, it felt wrong to end it with hate...

 

Mine was similar situation. I felt I could not give him what he wants. I said to him but yeah I loved him and worked on our problems. He just lost his interest in working on the problems when I was completely in love with him and decided to spend my life with him. It hurts me a lot everyday to leave him and to let go. We have know each other for 8.5 years. That is just dawning upon me. I melt everytime I think about this. I guess he is in his way right but I feel I deserved a chance because I was always there to fight for him. But I guess life is just unfair we gotta learn to live.

[Woah93]

Yeah, she was my first love, first everything so it feels like I lost all chances, I never was good with girls Last few weeks were promising though...

Weird thing is before this relationship I would never get approached, but a week ago I was outside smoking a cigarette, and these 3 gorgeous women walk by, they walk up to me, ask me if I could spare a cigarette cause one of them is celebrating their birthday, they sat down with me, and this 10/10 looker sat really close to me, we talked for like 30 minutes, touching smiles everything, we exchanged contacts, and said goodbye, I actually felt something for someone else for the first time. This never happened in my life. Fast forward a few days in a bar, this amazing woman just approaches me and starts asking me questions, flirting... In my 24 years this never happened to me and now twice in 1 week lol. It feels good I at least have it in me, and it helped a lot with the sadness. The thing that sucks is that I am not open to it at all, cause it's not the same connection I had with 'her', so I turned them down in a way...

 

But yeah flirting with opposite sex and just meeting new people is quite helpful I think...

[mcnugget]

I'm sorry to read of so many people in similar situations.

 

I went through a very sudden breakup a week ago. It was the end of my year + relationship. One moment we were discussing wedding cakes and very quickly things devolved. I started the fight, but I never expected things to go as far as they did. He decided that he couldn't be sure that he could ever love me the way I deserved to be loved. The next night I discover that he had been secretly texting his ex for weeks and trying to convince her to break off her engagement. The next morning he told me that our relationship had gone as far as it could go and he packed up all of my things and dropped them at my parents house.

 

I've been a mess all week. Rethinking what I could have said or done and how we got to the point we got to. We never really fought before and then things exploded. I haven't been contacting him. He contacted me right after we broke up to ask if I had his wallet; I didn't. He contacted me a few days later to ask about meeting up to get his keys back, but I was busy so I suggested maybe over the weekend. He changed his Facebook photo during the week. Over the weekend he formally google declined an invite to an event we had planned on attending together. Today he texted to see if we could meet up to make the final exchange, but I had already made a date so I wasn't available. I suggested we grab a quick bite and make the exchange tomorrow night. He said that the place would be closed, but he would be willing to grab coffee. He's so cold. He wants to be completely done with me. I'm not contacting him at all, but he just won't give me a moment to recover. He doesn't even use his keys (I've had them for months) and he could always make another copy from his roommates set. I get that he wants this over with, but for goodness sakes just let me have a bit. I don't see how he can be so over our relationship of more than a year within just days. I don't want tomorrow to be the last time I ever see or hear from him.

[Schockobaerin]

Yes! Girl, you are a catch, hell he is just letting you go. And he thinks he can find somebody as great as you. I am so glad to know that you have the warm and passion, I feel really connected to you. Especially because we are in similar situation. But you are on the right path, I know it is easier said than done that just go NC, we will have our relapse and we are going to make our mistakes which is important to because that is how we will learn. I just hope we have the courage to say no to him unless that person really fights for us. Or if he doesn't we will lose nothing. We should just try to love ourselves. we should really try be kind to ourselves.

 

You are amazing in everyway. You deserve good things in life not this pain. And getting rid of him is a way to better tomorrow.

 

I hope our urges die just as his feelings that he killed our relationship with. Hell, we don't need somebody who doesn't need us. We are all we need.

 

Thank you for your words, sometimes this is too hard, because if Im that good, why does he rejects me like that? Is just so unfair.. But anyway you are right, we deserve better.. Time will tell what is going to happen, the important thing here is to heal properly This is an amazing group and new people are coming and we expect all are going to heal And for him to find someone like me? Ha Ha Ha... Like we said here Lycka till! (good luck) I wish you all a wonderful week!

[Schockobaerin]

Hey ya'll! I am sorry to hear about everyone's pain of getting over their significant other.

 

I am in my 4th week of NC. She basically just ended it without telling me anything, so didn't get any closure from her. However, I must say for my 4th week of NC this is getting much easier! I feel 50% healed already!

 

What I did:

1. Deleted/Removed every memory of her from my phone and apartment.

2. Changed her name on my phone to the reason we ended our relationship, "Lied & Was Never There For You"

3. Anytime I have those "feels", I force myself to start thinking of all the reasons why we ended and those resolve the "feels" completely.

4. Knowing that I did nothing wrong in the relationship allowed me to have no regrets regarding the ending of the relationship.

5. Started working out and eating healthy... Improving myself daily!

6. Socializing way more! Hanging out with co-workers. Going on dates with other girls, talking to more girls, etc..

 

I actually met someone that I am interested in and they are interested in me... This helped me get partially over my ex much quickly in the last 4-weeks. I can only imagine where I will bein 8-weeks of NC.

 

I have NO desire to talk to my ex. I am actually hoping she messages me so I can ignore all her attempts of getting a hold of me.

 

At the end of the day, you deserve better. This guy dropped you - regardless of how good the relationship was (mine was good for 2-years and then all of a sudden it ended), actions always speak louder than words. There is no excuse in the WORLD for him to leave you like that. If he really wanted it to work, he would FIGHT for you and BE WITH you regardless of the excuse. I can tell you one thing, if you do get back with him, he will do it again, guaranteed.

 

You need to stand up for yourself and continue moving forward. I promise it gets better. It is completely normal to feel the way you are at 2-weeks of NC. You have gained so much momentum don't contact him to only have to start all over. You can do this and you have all of us here supporting you at the end of the finish line!

 

Congratulations! A success story and a light of hope for those desperate souls here I anyway erased his telephone nr, but for me the title would be: "ungrateful spineless coward who was never there for me" Keep doing! and thank you for your words

[Woah93]

I'm sorry to read of so many people in similar situations.

 

I went through a very sudden breakup a week ago. It was the end of my year + relationship. One moment we were discussing wedding cakes and very quickly things devolved. I started the fight, but I never expected things to go as far as they did. He decided that he couldn't be sure that he could ever love me the way I deserved to be loved. The next night I discover that he had been secretly texting his ex for weeks and trying to convince her to break off her engagement. The next morning he told me that our relationship had gone as far as it could go and he packed up all of my things and dropped them at my parents house.

 

I've been a mess all week. Rethinking what I could have said or done and how we got to the point we got to. We never really fought before and then things exploded. I haven't been contacting him. He contacted me right after we broke up to ask if I had his wallet; I didn't. He contacted me a few days later to ask about meeting up to get his keys back, but I was busy so I suggested maybe over the weekend. He changed his Facebook photo during the week. Over the weekend he formally google declined an invite to an event we had planned on attending together. Today he texted to see if we could meet up to make the final exchange, but I had already made a date so I wasn't available. I suggested we grab a quick bite and make the exchange tomorrow night. He said that the place would be closed, but he would be willing to grab coffee. He's so cold. He wants to be completely done with me. I'm not contacting him at all, but he just won't give me a moment to recover. He doesn't even use his keys (I've had them for months) and he could always make another copy from his roommates set. I get that he wants this over with, but for goodness sakes just let me have a bit. I don't see how he can be so over our relationship of more than a year within just days. I don't want tomorrow to be the last time I ever see or hear from him.

 

If I were you I would just send his keys through the mail or something and get it over with...