Heartbroken.. Seeking advice to help me move on?

[Helpmesavethis]

Checking in. I didn't sleep the best last night but partially because my daughter is sick.... And of course I'm awake thinking of him every time I was up with her... Ugh... It seems to be getting better though and I think of him less.... I try to think of something else when he crosses my mind. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't but I know I'll get there... I feel like I'm to the point if he did call, text, message me back that I don't even know if I would talk to him after the way he's ignored me.... Two days ago I was sitting staring at my phone waiting for him to call. I don't see how you all do it talking to them here and there. I think it would give me too much false hope and I would be back to square one every time I spoke with him. So I guess if things aren't going to work out I'm glad he's ignoring me. I am going to get thru this and so will all of you. Just keep pushing forward and doing what's best for you.... Not them...

[Mandala]

Good morning everyone,

Last night when I was going to sleep I had this sudden reaction to everything that it's going on, and I said STOP to pain, I made a conscious decision to be done suffering for someone that is hurting me in that way and probably not even thinking about me if not in the form of ways to avoid me better.

I felt empowered and thought that something really clicked. I went to bed and this morning I was able to get up with a smile and to even hold it for a while... Yep, that was until I miserably crashed again.

 

I came here and as usual it helped to read your words of encouragement. You are all like a balm for my soul. So, if nothing else, when you feel in pain and think you are not important, please REMEMBER that if she/he is not appreciative of you... I AM. Each one of you is making the difference in my life right now. It might not be a lot for you, but it certainly is for me. So, if like me, at times you are feeling like there is no purpose... well, you are wrong. Helping another human heart to heal is the greatest purpose of all and I THANK YOU for that.

 

I wish you healing... and let's all try to have a serene day.

[Helpmesavethis]

Almost half way thru my day and I'm still hanging tough... Is it easy, not in the least bit but... I'm getting there. I hadn't told my friends until this morning that I broke contact... They're all pissed/shocked that he has ignored me but I keep assuring them that it's helping me. It sucks yeah but what can I do. I won't beg, plea, or bargain with him. I'm worth more than that. And he clearly doesn't feel the same so why do I want someone who doesn't want me anyway?!?!? Just things I keep telling myself to keep me going...

[Mandala]

There is an original version of this speech, but I can't find it.

I hope it can be of some help... ❤️

 

 

[Schockobaerin]

Hello my dears:

Well about myself.. Im battling with my depression, is horrible, I slept from 6-8 then went out to run some errants, came back home, to sleep from 12 to 15.. These last days have been horrible in that case, because I have suffered from depression before and those are signs of it: Im just zooming out, losing hope, ignoring my friends. Im becoming bitter and angry at him(for doing this to me) and at myself (because I let that a stranger did this to me), sometimes I want to contact him and tell him: Congratulations you send me to that black hole again (he knows this was my biggest fear) but what would I win with this? Nothing.. At least next week Im back to my beloved laboratory to work in a practice with people that appreciate and believes in me, then probably Im going to feel better. My best friend (and neighbour) she is texting me and she is a psycologist, but Im just tired to tell everybody how bad I feel, so better to ignore her for now. I know she understands, as my other friends as well.. I just want to get better, but I lack the willpower to do it, maybe this is because my anticonceptive(nexplanon), anyway im getting rid of it tomorrow(yay!) and maybe Im going to feel better. I have to lie to my parents (who know me well and are very afraid that Im going to get sick again).. If this is going to continue, then probably I need to talk with my friend, cousin(they are both therapists) or go to the doctor.. I must get better, for MYSELF and this is a lesson that I must learn, nobody must have the power to damage me like this, NEVER. I miss his company, the sex(sorry if Im too blunt), his city, and hate myself for feeling so miserable right now...

Im so sorry to rant here, but you are the people who I can come to vent all of this, Im just terrified to leave again my sunny blubbly self to transform myself in a bitter sombre shell, its not fair to me and to anybody, hey everybody should be free to leave a relationship they are not into, as simple as that.. I just want time to fly and everything to positively evolve for me. I know Im capable of this and that like you Im going to get through this rough patch

Happy week to everybody

[Mandala]

How is everybody doing today?

[Woah93]

Feeling lots of anger, I broke NC only to say a proper goodbye instead of how we ended it with a fight weeks ago, wished her well. No reply, nada. I'm so disappointed in the person she turned out to be... I'm in love with a ghost

[Helpmesavethis]

I've had a pretty good day but still can't get him off my freaking mind... I know time will help that but OMGosh I wish it would just stop now.... ugh.

[Helpmesavethis]

Feeling lots of anger, I broke NC only to say a proper goodbye instead of how we ended it with a fight weeks ago, wished her well. No reply, nada. I'm so disappointed in the person she turned out to be... I'm in love with a ghost

 

Exactly how I feel about mine not responding to a message sent Saturday morning. At least acknowledge it for heaven's sake. It's just plain rude not to. And we didn't end on bad terms...

[Woah93]

They are like little children aren't they. Jeez.

[Mandala]

Feeling lots of anger, I broke NC only to say a proper goodbye instead of how we ended it with a fight weeks ago, wished her well. No reply, nada. I'm so disappointed in the person she turned out to be... I'm in love with a ghost

 

I'm sorry. ❤️

For how long were you in NC?

[mcnugget]

I'm not having a good day. I'm so nervous about seeing him tonight. I still love him and really just want things to be fixed. He has been incredibly cold. I am afraid of the interaction tonight when we make our exchange. I know it will probably be our last time I want to savor the moment, but also just don't want it to ever come. He clearly just wants it all over with because he is done with everything and has no second thoughts. I think he is busy trying to talk his ex out of her engagement.

[Woah93]

@Mandala

 

Little more than 3 weeks. It took a lot to send that message too, having to look her up again and seeing that pic, but I did, because the angry way in which I left it kept bugging me so I did it for myself. That she can lose her feelings for me like a flip of a switch is bad enough, but even to ignore a perfectly nice platonic gesture to say goodbye in a decent way? I just don't get it. I think I have a decent grasp on people, but I have no idea how her head works sometimes.

[Schockobaerin]

I'm not having a good day. I'm so nervous about seeing him tonight. I still love him and really just want things to be fixed. He has been incredibly cold. I am afraid of the interaction tonight when we make our exchange. I know it will probably be our last time I want to savor the moment, but also just don't want it to ever come. He clearly just wants it all over with because he is done with everything and has no second thoughts. I think he is busy trying to talk his ex out of her engagement.

 

You have to act cool, if he wants to see you with a very lame excuse is because he wants to see how are you doing, he probably expects you to be very depressed and desperate, dont give him the pleasure! Act as is nothing happened, and if possible act desinterested and as if you have something better to you.. Look, Im trying to learn that lesson, I was a doormat and im paying the price right now.. You are doing things right... Its normal to be nervous.. Show him you are taken the high road.. And anyway what a looser destroying 2 relationships, your and his exes.. Thank God you didnt marry him, this is just unacceptable. Good luck!

[Woah93]

Guys a new girl just approached me for a date and while she is really nice I am not sure what to do, would I end up using her to get over my ex? I don't want to become the cold one to someone else, I feel like I'm not ready and yet don't want to waste the opportunity Meh... I'm so confused.

[Woah93]

I'm not having a good day. I'm so nervous about seeing him tonight. I still love him and really just want things to be fixed. He has been incredibly cold. I am afraid of the interaction tonight when we make our exchange. I know it will probably be our last time I want to savor the moment, but also just don't want it to ever come. He clearly just wants it all over with because he is done with everything and has no second thoughts. I think he is busy trying to talk his ex out of her engagement.

 

I would go with Schockobaerin's advice on that one... avoid talking about the relationship and getting back together, show an independent strong you... even if you feel like absolute inside

[mynameisneo]

How is everybody doing today?

 

I tell myself I'm better every day, because it really is true. Going on 26 days of NC. I think about her all the time, but don't pine for her or miss her anymore, really. Wish the thoughts would go away and I know they will eventually. They're really just empty thoughts most of the time, not even memories. Just her name and face. Want to get to the point to where they're just a few times a day, then every other day, then weekly, and so on.

 

I no longer feel the immense breakup pain - and whether I'm jaded on love or not, I will never feel that again. I've never felt anything this bad in my entire life. No one will ever again get access to my self-destruct button, under any circumstances.

 

Still no interest in dating, but that's OK. It will come when it comes.

[Schockobaerin]

Guys a new girl just approached me for a date and while she is really nice I am not sure what to do, would I end up using her to get over my ex? I don't want to become the cold one to someone else, I feel like I'm not ready and yet don't want to waste the opportunity Meh... I'm so confused.

 

Are you going to marry her? or begin a super serious relationship? NO, then just go and grab a coffee and have a little bit fun and take things slowly, dont use someone as a rebound, I was used and it hurts a lot, but it makes good for your self-steem to get noticed by some one else Good luck..

[Mandala]

I'm not having a good day. I'm so nervous about seeing him tonight. I still love him and really just want things to be fixed. He has been incredibly cold. I am afraid of the interaction tonight when we make our exchange. I know it will probably be our last time I want to savor the moment, but also just don't want it to ever come. He clearly just wants it all over with because he is done with everything and has no second thoughts. I think he is busy trying to talk his ex out of her engagement.

 

I second what Schockobaerin said too. I know it will take a lot of self control, but keep in mind that he expects to see you totally devastated. If you behave in the most counterintuitive way it will throw him off balance and he'll start thinking what the heck are you up to, if you are moving on or if you found interest in someone else. (Can the guys here back me up on the fact that this type of behavior can reignite a man interest?)

Do not be a doormat! You'll be able to hear all of our voices from the forum cheering for you, saying "Resist!!!".

Good luck to you. Keep us updated! ❤️

[Helpmesavethis]

Guys a new girl just approached me for a date and while she is really nice I am not sure what to do, would I end up using her to get over my ex? I don't want to become the cold one to someone else, I feel like I'm not ready and yet don't want to waste the opportunity Meh... I'm so confused.

 

I say go for it.. you aren't really using someone just taking them out... If I had someone come along that sparked my interest, I'd go, just to see how I felt afterwards. You never know you may really like her and forget all about your ex.. or you may write her off right away. One date isn't going to hurt a thing... Go for it and keep us updated!!!

[Mandala]

@Mandala

 

Little more than 3 weeks. It took a lot to send that message too, having to look her up again and seeing that pic, but I did, because the angry way in which I left it kept bugging me so I did it for myself. That she can lose her feelings for me like a flip of a switch is bad enough, but even to ignore a perfectly nice platonic gesture to say goodbye in a decent way? I just don't get it. I think I have a decent grasp on people, but I have no idea how her head works sometimes.

 

None of us understand what's going on with our exes and I feel in the same way, I have a passion for psychology and an instinctive understanding of the human mind, but I'm at loss. That's because even though we are all capable of hurting others, unlike them, we chose not to. That makes the difference. We are empaths.

Guess what though? You did what you felt was right and also got it off your chest.

This might actually very well help you to get some closure. I did not get that unfortunately, instead I've got a message from him on Tuesday -only 6 days ago!- saying that he misses me too much. It might sound good, but it actually threw off completely because I went back to square one and I'm left with more confusion than anything else.

[Mandala]

...and right in this moment he wrote me "Hi" on Messenger. What the heck! Tell me something, please!

[Schockobaerin]

Dont answer!!! Make him wait and write more!!!!

[Mandala]

Too late...

[mcnugget]

I second what Schockobaerin said too. I know it will take a lot of self control, but keep in mind that he expects to see you totally devastated. If you behave in the most counterintuitive way it will throw him off balance and he'll start thinking what the heck are you up to, if you are moving on or if you found interest in someone else. (Can the guys here back me up on the fact that this type of behavior can reignite a man interest?)

Do not be a doormat! You'll be able to hear all of our voices from the forum cheering for you, saying "Resist!!!".

Good luck to you. Keep us updated! ❤️

 

 

I saw him for coffee and we talked for about 45 minutes. I kept my composure. We laughed a bit and talked about work, family, our weekends, plans, etc. We talked about the good times and then talked about what went wrong. He said I was right about my analysis for the most part and he didn't disagree with me. He said he knew he was stubborn and behaved impulsively, but he felt it was right and didn't regret it. I said I didn't think our story was over, but that it takes two to want to fix things. We said things about how we didn't know what the future held for us. He says he has been trying not to think about things and that he is really getting busy with work. That he is upping his travel (he stopped traveling as much because of our relationship). He said that he had seen instagram memes and wanted to send them to me and I said that I missed my morning hello. He said his mom was sad that we were over and he asked how my parents took our breakup. He said he didn't want me to cry and I said that I wouldn't, that I was fine. He asked to hug several times. They were big long goodbye hugs. He asked to walk me to my car. I told him that I wanted him to be happy and he said that he wanted the same for me and that he was glad that I was. He said maybe we would see or talk to each other again someday. That was the end.