Woah93 Posted September 12, 2017 Share Posted September 12, 2017 I'm going to wait until I'm stronger. I'm doing way too good to go backwards now. She has another one she can wear until then. That one's just her "show" helmet and I would like it back. They're obviously not cheap. Ugh. She also could have easily left it on a bench or something at the park we were riding at that day so I'm going to contact them first too to see if anyone turned it in. Remember it's not linear, ups and downs... ups and downs... When you go down again embrace it and don't beat yourself up for it, and enjoy the ups when they arrive Link to comment
Helpmesavethis Posted September 13, 2017 Author Share Posted September 13, 2017 Another thing helping me is putting my phone down... I'm a crazy social media junkie and I'm always texting and so on. I have made myself sit my phone down. Stop staring at it hoping he'll call etc. So I haven't been on here as Mich either thanks to this new "trick". Ha. It's helping... Link to comment
Mandala Posted September 13, 2017 Share Posted September 13, 2017 Another thing helping me is putting my phone down... I'm a crazy social media junkie and I'm always texting and so on. I have made myself sit my phone down. Stop staring at it hoping he'll call etc. So I haven't been on here as Mich either thanks to this new "trick". Ha. It's helping... Yes, I'm doing the same. Since NC I have stayed for 3 entire days and another time 3 days without checking Facebook nor WhatsApp, which for me is a huge deal! It felt good! (Then, when I opened them, there were his messages... Link to comment
Schockobaerin Posted September 13, 2017 Share Posted September 13, 2017 Another thing helping me is putting my phone down... I'm a crazy social media junkie and I'm always texting and so on. I have made myself sit my phone down. Stop staring at it hoping he'll call etc. So I haven't been on here as Mich either thanks to this new "trick". Ha. It's helping... Since the first day I erased his phonenumber, and from whatsapp days later, I was stalking him constantly and it was driving me nuts, we breaked NC 2 times every 10 days (first I, then he) and then I told him to go NC for a couple of months to heal..Its killing me because I miss him, and now he is travelling (on holiday), the only thing I cannot give up is to see his fb profile, at least he doest publish that much, and when I publish something I have the hope of a "like" but because I have told him NC and then my friend told him that any contact to me is hurting me.. So he is ignoring me... Thats the only thing I must still work on to get better-- This situation is awful, but slowly I think Im getting better, and even slower Im working on giving up the hope, that is the difficult part Have a nice day girls Link to comment
Helpmesavethis Posted September 13, 2017 Author Share Posted September 13, 2017 How is everyone this morning?? I'm still staying strong. I just want him out of my mind.. I try to think of other things and it always goes back to him. Otherwise, I am doing pretty good. Work days are struggles for some reason.. Link to comment
Helpmesavethis Posted September 13, 2017 Author Share Posted September 13, 2017 Since the first day I erased his phonenumber, and from whatsapp days later, I was stalking him constantly and it was driving me nuts, we breaked NC 2 times every 10 days (first I, then he) and then I told him to go NC for a couple of months to heal..Its killing me because I miss him, and now he is travelling (on holiday), the only thing I cannot give up is to see his fb profile, at least he doest publish that much, and when I publish something I have the hope of a "like" but because I have told him NC and then my friend told him that any contact to me is hurting me.. So he is ignoring me... Thats the only thing I must still work on to get better-- This situation is awful, but slowly I think Im getting better, and even slower Im working on giving up the hope, that is the difficult part Have a nice day girls I deleted mine from Facebook because he was liking my things and my heart would sink and then I would be a crazy stalker from there. Not worth it... I probably pissed him off by deleting him and that's probably why I'm now being ignored... Who knows. 3 weeks today since our split.. only NC break was me sending him a message 4 days ago he has chosen to ignore. But I'm doing better because of it. Yes, I've been to his profile a time or two but nothing like before and it's getting easier to stay off of it the longer we go without contact... Shew... It's tough but what has to be done to help me move on... Since he obviously doesn't want to work things out.. Link to comment
Schockobaerin Posted September 13, 2017 Share Posted September 13, 2017 I deleted mine from Facebook because he was liking my things and my heart would sink and then I would be a crazy stalker from there. Not worth it... I probably pissed him off by deleting him and that's probably why I'm now being ignored... Who knows. 3 weeks today since our split.. only NC break was me sending him a message 4 days ago he has chosen to ignore. But I'm doing better because of it. Yes, I've been to his profile a time or two but nothing like before and it's getting easier to stay off of it the longer we go without contact... Shew... It's tough but what has to be done to help me move on... Since he obviously doesn't want to work things out.. Once upon a time I erased him from FB only to regret it and add him again the following day, last time we spoke he asked me if we would continue being fb friends and I told him yes, but NC, our deal was that HE would be the one to initiate contact in the future, and he told me then yes Im not going to answer you.. And I was, mmm Im not contacting you.. So no likes or the matter, he is playing my game and it hurts me, but is for the best, now he feels free to do whatever he wants, he is growing and healing from all his baggage (as he promised to me) and Im beggining to do the same..Hopefully in this time he and I are going to learn to appreciate me, because Im beginning to think this was the principal issue in our relationship.. But who knows there is a strong possibility he is going to forget about me I just want to heal, is difficult but Im not the first not the last that loves someone who doesnt love you back and survived.. As you said a relationship is btw 2, if he doesnt want to work things out, why to lose time, is just non viable.. Link to comment
Mandala Posted September 13, 2017 Share Posted September 13, 2017 Guys, I started a new thread on my story because it was too long to post here. Please, go read it if you have time. You are my tribe here, and I especially need the insight of you all. ❤️ Bad day for me. This is the title of my thread: "No Contact". Are these breadcrumbs??? I need prospective! Link to comment
Mandala Posted September 13, 2017 Share Posted September 13, 2017 That's the most frustrating part, with her it's like I have no doubt in her interest level in me when I am myself and am able to just talk to her and when we spend time together it's all there, constant touching, approaching, it's basically like we're a couple, however that is her heart talking, mentally she is done because of the fights during the last month or so, she came into my life when I was pretty deep in depression and I did give her reasons to think it's best if we are not together, she thinks it's still better to just move on. So I get all the good signs, then when she has time to think about it after and becomes confused, can't eat, sleep, drinks a lot, she will say "I'm sorry but I really think it's best to let you go, we will only hurt each-other more" I've been reflecting back on the relationship a lot and when things were actually really good, somehow I felt terrified, and started looking for reasons to pick fights, becoming very needy and insecure, broke up with her and took her back one time too cause I was so on the fence. It's really really bitter to feel like we could've had it all, but the timing was just bad. Meh. I opened a new thread " "No Contact". Are these breadcrumbs??? I need prospective!" If you have some time, I'd love to have your opinion as you too are dealing with understanding the difference between breadcrumbs and intentions of reconciliation. No worries if you don't have the time or strength. I understand! Link to comment
Helpmesavethis Posted September 13, 2017 Author Share Posted September 13, 2017 I opened a new thread " "No Contact". Are these breadcrumbs??? I need prospective!" If you have some time, I'd love to have your opinion as you too are dealing with understanding the difference between breadcrumbs and intentions of reconciliation. No worries if you don't have the time or strength. I understand! Oh no... I just read it.. I am sorry you're having a rough day... I personally could not handle the back and forth. And I have no clue what the guy is thinking or trying to say if anything. Mine was liking my things and I couldn't handle it so i deleted him... So I'm not much help here. I feel like I'm struggling a little now because I have friends going to an event this weekend that he and I were supposed to be going to and I'm sure he's still going but I am not. I don't want to see him and it's something horse related that he does, not me so if I went, it would be obvious I was there only to see him... But they're all talking about it today so it's making me feel crazy again... But still no tears thus far. I think I'm cried out. Link to comment
Helpmesavethis Posted September 13, 2017 Author Share Posted September 13, 2017 Guys, I started a new thread on my story because it was too long to post here. Please, go read it if you have time. You are my tribe here, and I especially need the insight of you all. ❤️ Bad day for me. This is the title of my thread: "No Contact". Are these breadcrumbs??? I need prospective! I couldn't reply to your place because it says your messages are full or something like that. Link to comment
Mandala Posted September 13, 2017 Share Posted September 13, 2017 I'm sorry honey. It sucks. I think it's a good idea not to go. He'll probably expects to see you there, and it's a great proof of strength for you to restrain from it. Your absence will speak much louder than anything you could have said. I know you are having a hard time. When possible I would literally move to another room when people speak about that event, you don't need to be reminded of your pain every three seconds. You already carry enough inside! I personally had to stop listening to most of my playlist songs, because I would cry each time. I'm glad you are not crying anymore. That's something. I also haven't really done that in a couple of days, I made a promise to myself not to. But the pain is still there. Maybe just a bit less, but today I can't really concentrate on anything else. The problem with my situation is that he's giving me a lot of signs, pretty much every day now, so I don't want to completely shut everything out in case there is hope for reconciliation... It's a hard position to be in. Besides the day of the hurricane I was never the one initiating contact. It has always been from him. That's why I don't know what to think... Link to comment
Mandala Posted September 13, 2017 Share Posted September 13, 2017 I couldn't reply to your place because it says your messages are full or something like that. Ok, I'm going to delete some! Thank you. ❤️ Link to comment
Mandala Posted September 13, 2017 Share Posted September 13, 2017 Ok, I'm going to delete some! Thank you. ❤️ Ok, there is room now. Link to comment
Mandala Posted September 13, 2017 Share Posted September 13, 2017 I couldn't reply to your place because it says your messages are full or something like that. Ok, there is room now! Link to comment
Helpmesavethis Posted September 13, 2017 Author Share Posted September 13, 2017 I'm sorry honey. It sucks. I think it's a good idea not to go. He'll probably expects to see you there, and it's a great proof of strength for you to restrain from it. Your absence will speak much louder than anything you could have said. I know you are having a hard time. When possible I would literally move to another room when people speak about that event, you don't need to be reminded of your pain every three seconds. You already carry enough inside! I personally had to stop listening to most of my playlist songs, because I would cry each time. I'm glad you are not crying anymore. That's something. I also haven't really done that in a couple of days, I made a promise to myself not to. But the pain is still there. Maybe just a bit less, but today I can't really concentrate on anything else. The problem with my situation is that he's giving me a lot of signs, pretty much every day now, so I don't want to completely shut everything out in case there is hope for reconciliation... It's a hard position to be in. Besides the day of the hurricane I was never the one initiating contact. It has always been from him. That's why I don't know what to think... For your sake, I hope it is him trying to reach out for reconciliation and I'm jealous if that's the case. I would try not to think too much of it just yet though... I know, easier said than done... But don't want you to get your hopes up if it's not the case... Link to comment
Mandala Posted September 13, 2017 Share Posted September 13, 2017 I know. I'm really trying not to fall in the trap of hope, because I'm aware of how easy it'd be. But he started from giving a sign after a week, to do it after a few days to every few hours... Though even if the temptation is there, I will keep strong and not initiate contact. We'll see. Thank you so much for your support. It is so important to me! Link to comment
Schockobaerin Posted September 13, 2017 Share Posted September 13, 2017 I know. I'm really trying not to fall in the trap of hope, because I'm aware of how easy it'd be. But he started from giving a sign after a week, to do it after a few days to every few hours... Though even if the temptation is there, I will keep strong and not initiate contact. We'll see. Thank you so much for your support. It is so important to me! You are not alone on this, we must stay strong Link to comment
Woah93 Posted September 13, 2017 Share Posted September 13, 2017 I hope everyone is feeling better and coping, I've had an interesting day myself... what was supposed to be just a quick catch up outside of text turned into a 3 hour talk on the phone, talked a lot of stuff out, for the first time really openly talked about feelings and such for a long time, also talked about seeing each-other in a month or so and how we both still felt the same, thing is she has been having a really hard time, drinking too much and is overwhelmed, reconciliation is uncertain from her point of view and this is what is making me feel like she might be playing me, but that seems very unlikely to me or am I being a fool?, this felt like when we first met... so conflicted, it ended with her saying she will message me 'sooner than sooner', telling me I was 'amazing' and then said 'bye bye sweety' The coldness was gone entirely. Seems like things are looking as if we're coming back together? I don't know. Link to comment
Helpmesavethis Posted September 13, 2017 Author Share Posted September 13, 2017 I hope everyone is feeling better and coping, I've had an interesting day myself... what was supposed to be just a quick catch up outside of text turned into a 3 hour talk on the phone, talked a lot of stuff out, for the first time really openly talked about feelings and such for a long time, also talked about seeing each-other in a month or so and how we both still felt the same, thing is she has been having a really hard time, drinking too much and is overwhelmed, reconciliation is uncertain from her point of view and this is what is making me feel like she might be playing me, but that seems very unlikely to me or am I being a fool?, this felt like when we first met... so conflicted, it ended with her saying she will message me 'sooner than sooner', telling me I was 'amazing' and then said 'bye bye sweety' The coldness was gone entirely. Seems like things are looking as if we're coming back together? I don't know. That's great for you. Hope she can sort things out for herself. She may need help if she's drinking excessively. Not sure how you can approach that but something to think about. Link to comment
Schockobaerin Posted September 13, 2017 Share Posted September 13, 2017 I hope everyone is feeling better and coping, I've had an interesting day myself... what was supposed to be just a quick catch up outside of text turned into a 3 hour talk on the phone, talked a lot of stuff out, for the first time really openly talked about feelings and such for a long time, also talked about seeing each-other in a month or so and how we both still felt the same, thing is she has been having a really hard time, drinking too much and is overwhelmed, reconciliation is uncertain from her point of view and this is what is making me feel like she might be playing me, but that seems very unlikely to me or am I being a fool?, this felt like when we first met... so conflicted, it ended with her saying she will message me 'sooner than sooner', telling me I was 'amazing' and then said 'bye bye sweety' The coldness was gone entirely. Seems like things are looking as if we're coming back together? I don't know. You have to be careful, of course now she is seeing that grass isnt as greener as she thought.. but anyway be careful, because sometimes they come back and if they dont fight enough for you, then later they grow bored to dump you again (that happened to me) This doesnt mean is going to happen to you, but extra care is necessary, remember you must be your priority But with all, it is looking good for you Link to comment
Woah93 Posted September 13, 2017 Share Posted September 13, 2017 Yeah my guards are still way up, but whenever we actually just talk it just happens and the thing that caused us to be together in the first place always surprises me how it's still just there, anyway she has been so flakey so I have no idea what that message is gonna say, it could be an "I think it was a mistake" or anything really, it's just too early to get my hopes up, or I will be back where I started, though I can't help myself Link to comment
Schockobaerin Posted September 13, 2017 Share Posted September 13, 2017 Yeah my guards are still way up, but whenever we actually just talk it just happens and the thing that caused us to be together in the first place always surprises me how it's still just there, anyway she has been so flakey so I have no idea what that message is gonna say, it could be an "I think it was a mistake" or anything really, it's just too early to get my hopes up, or I will be back where I started, though I can't help myself Remember your own advice in the other thread... You are very mature and as someone who suffers/suffered from depression I understand you totally Be careful Link to comment
mcnugget Posted September 13, 2017 Share Posted September 13, 2017 Reading this thread I'm almost a little jealous of those of you having trouble keeping NC. Where you're liking each other's fb posts and both breaking NC every once in a while. I'm sure it's painful and making it difficult to move on, but at least you both know there was something there. We practically lived together and now I will probably never see or speak to him again. We took exotic vacations together, went on adventures together, attended funerals, weddings, and slept at hospitals together for weeks in times of need. We were discussing my ring, our wedding, the house we were saving for, investments, health insurance changes, etc. Then he just packed my stuff up. Our only reason for follow-up contact was to get his key back. Now that his key has been returned we have said goodbye forever. It was all just a dream. Link to comment
Mandala Posted September 13, 2017 Share Posted September 13, 2017 Oh honey, I know it's hard and I'm sorry. Pain can't really be measured nor compared. Our own history is very real to each one of us and the excruciation of it does not depend on time, place nor status. I'm one of those experiencing the pain of being somehow contacted almost every day by her ex right now, and I wouldn't know if I would rather trade my situation for an actual closure. It is painful either way. But if mine ends up in nothing, I will have lost even more time. Anyway, this is also how I am in general, and I tend to play even when I have no more cards left. Maybe NOT always the wisest of choices. I hope you can start to heal really soon. We'll be here for you. ❤️ Link to comment
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