Heartbroken.. Seeking advice to help me move on?

[Mandala]

Thank you

I am aware that I cannot say to her anything about how I feel and what I am going through. I miss our discussions, good morning/good night texts and other small stuff, which made things perfect. If I were feeling as bad as now due to any other circumstances, she would be the first person to know this and to comfort me. The fact that I am stubborn does not help in moving on.

 

I just want to write to her something neutral, about a movie she recommended or ask how her nephew's 1st birthday party was. Just to start talking again.

 

Everything you are feeling is what I'm feeling too. I can't tell you what to do or not to do, because at the end you are the only one that knows her and all the details about your relationship, but I can tell you one thing, our minds play tricks in this moment of grief and you will be able to make sense of out things that are only going to go against in you your quest to get her back and in your recovery. You need to be a bit stronger emotionally to be able to be objective. And now you are not.

Anything you'd say to her, even if it's about a movie, will send her only one message... that you are desperate and that WILL push her away.

Again, I'm not trying to convince you, but I invite you to wait. Maybe just until tomorrow. Nothing is going to change, trust me, she's not going to find a man that will take her from you forever this exact night. So try to relax a little but, drink a cup if tea, breathe deeply, watch a movie, take a warm shower, do anything you can to make it until tomorrow without calling her. Cry if you need to. Tomorrow is the beginning of the week, you'll most likely be busier. Let these hours are pass and come back here before sending her that message or making that call.

I've learned that when I feel that strong urge to call/text him is the wrongest moment to do it.

❤️

[thunderdog23]

She just contacted me and wants to give me back my books and clothes. Looks like it's the end.

[Helpmesavethis]

She just contacted me and wants to give me back my books and clothes. Looks like it's the end.

 

I'm sorry but maybe this "closure" will help you to move on. Good luck with the meeting...

[thunderdog23]

I'm sorry but maybe this "closure" will help you to move on. Good luck with the meeting...

 

I have 3,5 days to mentally prepare and to think how to play it.

[Helpmesavethis]

I have 3,5 days to mentally prepare and to think how to play it.

 

I'm just throwing things out there. 1, don't cry!!! 2, don't bring up the relationship. 3, be HAPPY. 4, thank her for your things and be done, don't stay any longer than you need to.

[Helpmesavethis]

Hello! I'm glad you are feeling better.

Thank you for your post on tough love. I was in a really bad spot that day, but yesterday was good. Today I'm a bit less enthusiastic than yesterday, but not bad after all. I'll also have a pretty busy day.

He keeps giving me breadcrumbs, but I'm starting to see them for what they are. (You can see the update on my thread).

I don't know what the hell goes through his mind, I'm frankly starting to care a bit less about his little attempts. I mean, I still think about him every second, but I'm not as lost as I was before.

What a journey...

 

I read your update... I hate that he's acting as he is but I'm glad you recognize it and seem to be handling yourself well with it all. You've got this. Stay strong. Baby steps. One day at a time. And I know I'm on here being strong and positive. I am. But that doesn't mean I don't still miss him like crazy and wish he would call text, send a pigeon, or something to want me back... Ha. It too shall pass though... Ugh...

[Schockobaerin]

Hello my dears, happy to hear that you are getting stronger each day.. As for me, well I feel better as well, trying to follow all the advice I have been giving here, and knocking out the sloth out of his pedestal, pretty difficult and hurtful, but what can I do? I still feel very sad, but at the same time very upset at myself for still feeling so miserable. Slowly Im getting to the idea he is not in my life for a long time if not forever, and it makes me feel very nostalgic, I dont want to give up, but what other choice do I have? He didnt want to fight for me, so I just cannot do it on my own. Im working on myself and getting my priorities on line, and slowly healing. Its like a rollercoaster, but it needs to be done. Im still hope, but I just want to get rid of it, if he doesnt believe on me, then he is not worth my time or my love for that matter. I just dont want to be played again or become bitter (that makes me very afraid), it had been 5 weeks since the BU and 2 weeks NC, slowly is working, like @helpmesavethis said, he is still on my mind, but its less painful... Just lets hope that everything in life pays up.. That this pain is a learning for everybody and that everything we deserve is going to come back, it can be with another face and in the exact moment, we just need to be patient and follow our lifes... Its like with the wizard of Oz, we are like Dorothy wanting to get back home, and for this she needs to walk throught the yellow-bricked street to get to Oz, in the meantime she grew stronger and met new people and funnily enough she had always the power to get to Kansas .. So here we are, with our silver slippers, desperate to come home, but walking through the yellow bricked street to get our wish, but at the same time growing

Happy monday everybody and keep in contact!!

[mcnugget]

I have had a very rough weekend. My ex was supposed to join me at an event last night and I really missed his presence. I have just been listening to music and crying all weekend. Everything reminds me of him. Every road I drive reminds me of my morning drive home from his house. I am really struggling. I cannot believe that we will never speak again. I have so many things that I still want to do with him. We have a whole future planned. I miss him at night. I miss him on weekends. I just miss him all of the time. I cannot believe he could just cut me out of his life without a second thought.

 

He is traveling for the next two weeks. Part of me really wants to reach out when he gets back in town. Maybe he made a mistake? I really want to see if we can give this another try. I miss him so much it hurts.

[Snowtoken]

Hey everyone, how are you doing? I was feeling rather crappy this morning, I've cried last night and I have never felt alone an abandoned before. I decided that I need to embrace this, so I carried on being alone at my house, with my personal space to do my own work and have my own thoughts. Obviously I was feeling extremely in pain with all those negative thoughts right now, and I hope to heal over time. I have no idea how to move on for now, I can't focus on anything and my attention span has reduced. Any advice would be great?

[Helpmesavethis]

I have had a very rough weekend. My ex was supposed to join me at an event last night and I really missed his presence. I have just been listening to music and crying all weekend. Everything reminds me of him. Every road I drive reminds me of my morning drive home from his house. I am really struggling. I cannot believe that we will never speak again. I have so many things that I still want to do with him. We have a whole future planned. I miss him at night. I miss him on weekends. I just miss him all of the time. I cannot believe he could just cut me out of his life without a second thought.

 

He is traveling for the next two weeks. Part of me really wants to reach out when he gets back in town. Maybe he made a mistake? I really want to see if we can give this another try. I miss him so much it hurts.

 

Those are the hardest times for me... When there's something we were supposed to be doing together and we're not... Either he's doing it or I am...

 

I personally would not contact him... You may not hear what you want to hear, you may has him further away, or he may not speak to you at all.. I guess you have to figure out the lesser of evils.. NC or the possibility of being hurt more by things not going "your way"... I reached out to mine after 2 weeks.... He chose to ignore me. It hurt.... Still does. I can't believe he's ignoring me. It's cowardly but it is what it is. Times I wish I hadn't reached out but others I feel like I got what I needed.... To know where I stand in his life... It'll be 4 weeks Wednesday since we broke things off. It still hurts, I still want him back, but I'm so much better than I was even just a week ago. It'll take time, but you will get there. Stay strong.

[Mandala]

Hi friends,

After all the weekend was not bad for me. I've been out most of the time and was surrounded by good people... it helped a lot. I also ran into an acquaintance (guy) at a work event. We chatted for a while and I was even able to feel a little bit of connection. For a few minutes I could even get my ex out of my head. I'm not by any means ready nor desiring to date other men, but it was a bit comforting to realize that there are some good guys out there and not all is lost.

As soon as I got home from the event though I immediately started to think about him again. I got up this morning still with that feeling of discomfort and nostalgia. Much less than a week ago, but still there. I just wish I could talk to him one more time, but I'm also afraid that it would kick me back straight to square one... and that's something I do not want to live again.

I know it will be harder today, because I'll be home most of the time, but I do feel stronger.

I will try to get back to each one of you later, but if I can give a quick tip to all the ones struggling with the very first phase after break up it's... CRY. I know it's not what you want to hear, but there is no other way other than allowing yourself to feel your pain completely. The first couple of weeks I was in so much pain and shock that thought I was going to die. I'm not kidding. I just wanted to cut my heart out and NOT feel.

I promise though, it WILL get better.

Keep pushing, you are stronger than you think.

Much love to all of you. ❤️

[Helpmesavethis]

Hey everyone, how are you doing? I was feeling rather crappy this morning, I've cried last night and I have never felt alone an abandoned before. I decided that I need to embrace this, so I carried on being alone at my house, with my personal space to do my own work and have my own thoughts. Obviously I was feeling extremely in pain with all those negative thoughts right now, and I hope to heal over time. I have no idea how to move on for now, I can't focus on anything and my attention span has reduced. Any advice would be great?

 

I was there and sort of still am but it's better... Time heals. It's amazing the difference in me from almost 4 weeks ago to today. Do like you're doing. Embrace this time to do for yourself. Let yourself grieve but I would also make yourself get out and do things. Fix yourself up to even just go for a walk, to the grocery, to the park, anything. You feel better after being fixed up. I was forcing myself to even shower.... But I made myself do these things. I'd cry in the shower, cry on my walks, cry thru the grocery but I was out and living just fine without him... Eventually the tears stopped. I still get teary eyed but most of the time make myself toughen up. People ask me about him and those times are hard but I am now able to talk about it without breaking down as well. I miss him, I want to be with him, but his actions tell me he doesn't want to be with me so, time for me to move on. You cannot keep letting him control your emotions. You have to take care of yourself. Have you blocked him or at least unfriended him from everything? Get all this stuff out of your face. I deleted text, emails, unfriended him on social media, etc. It helped. It sucks to do it but it's what you have to do to help yourself move on.

[Mandala]

I completely agree. I was suggesting to cry simply because most of the times if seems easier to reject the pain, but that type of reaction will kick you back even harder. But yes, absolutely, as you said it's necessary to find the strength inside and do a small step each day. Crying is important to process the pain, but then get up and start loving yourself again!

Thank you for pointing that out.

[Helpmesavethis]

You know I've cried and cried and cried some more. Now that I'm on the stronger side of things, I just want to assure everyone that no matter how much you think it won't... It does get better. I'm still extremely sad and have many moments but I keep telling myself if I were worth it to him, he wouldn't be putting me thru this heartache and pain so why am I letting him control my emotions... And it helps. It still isn't easy for me. I still miss him like crazy and want him to reach out to me but it is getting easier... And I know I'll get to where I'm truly OK.... It'll just take time. So there is hope for healing for everyone... Give it time... 💜💜

[Mandala]

I'm behind you in my recovery process, but I feel the same in a lot of ways. I used to wake up crying and fall asleep crying, but now I don't do it anymore. If I think about it it's been only three weeks, but it seems like months! Pain surely slows time down...

I still get times of profound grief, but I also think like you... and I do not want for him to hold that power over me anymore. It is so stupid what he did and I keep thinking "Would I really want back a man that is not capable of seeing my worth???"... Well, we all know what the wise answer to that is...

[Mandala]

Hi guys, I needed to come here to my refuge because I can tell my emotions are changing again and I need to get them out of my system. It started to rain and the clouds are not only in the sky, they are reaching my head as well.

I am doing a bitter better, but today it's been 3 weeks of no contact for me and by going back to my journal I realized that besides the first 6 days he has contacted me in some way or another almost EVERY DAY. Now, I know that most of them were breadcrumbs, but for how long someone would go on with that? I mean, couldn't it be that he's just scared of calling me after I gave him the cold shoulder all of this time? Should I break no contact? (some theories suggest to do it only for three weeks if the relationship wasn't very long...)

These are all the questions going on in my head right now. I know, once again I look like a psycho, but please, try to put yourself in my position and honestly tell me what you would do. I obviously still have a lot to learn...

[Helpmesavethis]

Hi guys, I needed to come here to my refuge because I can tell my emotions are changing again and I need to get them out of my system. It started to rain and the clouds are not only in the sky, they are reaching my head as well.

I am doing a bitter better, but today it's been 3 weeks of no contact for me and by going back to my journal I realized that besides the first 6 days he has contacted me in some way or another almost EVERY DAY. Now, I know that most of them were breadcrumbs, but for how long someone would go on with that? I mean, couldn't it be that he's just scared of calling me after I gave him the cold shoulder all of this time? Should I break no contact? (some theories suggest to do it only for three weeks if the relationship wasn't very long...)

These are all the questions going on in my head right now. I know, once again I look like a psycho, but please, try to put yourself in my position and honestly tell me what you would do. I obviously still have a lot to learn...

 

I personally... Would keep NC... But mainly because it's proving to me to work for healing.... My ex claimed to be scared... I reached out to him.. he ignored me so.... I guess I'm just to the point of believing if he wanted to be with me, nothing would stop him from being... I'm getting this advice from a few men, not women... It hurts to hear it but it's true... He knows how I feel, the ball is in his court. So I guess it all depends on what you can handle.. Honestly, I don't think you are emotionally ready and would cave but I don't know know you so it's technically hard to really say... You have to do what you feel is right for you.

[Rustysuit]

Hi guys, I needed to come here to my refuge because I can tell my emotions are changing again and I need to get them out of my system. It started to rain and the clouds are not only in the sky, they are reaching my head as well.

I am doing a bitter better, but today it's been 3 weeks of no contact for me and by going back to my journal I realized that besides the first 6 days he has contacted me in some way or another almost EVERY DAY. Now, I know that most of them were breadcrumbs, but for how long someone would go on with that? I mean, couldn't it be that he's just scared of calling me after I gave him the cold shoulder all of this time? Should I break no contact? (some theories suggest to do it only for three weeks if the relationship wasn't very long...)

These are all the questions going on in my head right now. I know, once again I look like a psycho, but please, try to put yourself in my position and honestly tell me what you would do. I obviously still have a lot to learn...

 

You need to do what you feel is right and will make it better for you.

There's no proven theory on how to get the ex back, because each person is different and forums like these wouldn't even exist.

 

If you absolutely 100% feel you should contact him, please do so. But remember that the most likely reply will be indifference, nothing...or worse, breadcrumbs. The chance of it being positive is very slim. If he has regret or remorse in him, HE should be the one contacting you. If his pride trumps his love, well, sorry, that's no love at all.

 

Anyway, I would advice to fight against the urge to break contact, but as I said we need to do what we feel is right, even if to prove ourselves right or wrong and learn from it. Maybe after you break the NC you'll be so devastated that you won't think of breaking it ever again. sorry, but it's what most likely to happen.

[Mandala]

Thank you. I know what you are all saying is true, it's just one of those moments. Time is passing and I think it's starting to sink in a bit more that it's no longer how it used to be. After days I'm now crying again. I appreciate you always being there for me.

[Helpmesavethis]

Thank you. I know what you are all saying is true, it's just one of those moments. Time is passing and I think it's starting to sink in a bit more that it's no longer how it used to be. After days I'm now crying again. I appreciate you always being there for me.

 

You're going to have ups and downs like Whoa was telling me... I had a breakdown earlier... Another guy asked me out. I don't have any interest in him and I told him I'm hung up on my ex and wasn't ready to date again yet... We're going to have moments but they're beginning to be lesser and lesser every day. I know we'll all get to where we don't have those moments any more... Again, it'll just take time. 💜💜

 

PS... Where is whoa??

[Mandala]

Yes, I expected that the wave was going to arrive again. It is still intense, but it will go away... This forum still feels like the safest place to me. ❤️

I don't know how long it will take me to find interest in someone else, so I understand why you turned down the guy's offer.

I feel like I'm emotionally ruined forever.

[Helpmesavethis]

I went and looked at his Facebook page today... I haven't done that in 5/6 days.... Nothing to really see but I literally started shaking just looking at his name and picture... I'm not crying but gosh.... I truly hate this. I'm ok though... Blah

[Mandala]

If it makes you feel any better... I didn't look at his profile, but I kept checking if he was online (which he was) and I even wrote down the 'breaking NC message' I'm planning to send to him.

I hate this too. I'm sorry you are feeling like that. ❤️

[Helpmesavethis]

If it makes you feel any better... I didn't look at his profile, but I kept checking if he was online (which he was) and I even wrote down the 'breaking NC message' I'm planning to send to him.

I hate this too. I'm sorry you are feeling like that. ❤️

 

I'm ok. I am getting thru it but still want to be with him if that even makes any sense. Ha. I'm not even sure why I went to his page.. but I got my fix.. I'll be good for a few days

[Schockobaerin]

Hi my girls:

I totally understand you both, I have been also creeping the sloths fb, and oh surprise that my friend called me today to tell me, that before he went to Barcelona, he wrote to her, Im going to BCN and she was like ? Im still in Mexico, and that he published a lot of pics on Instagram (I dont have IG), so I had a minimeltdown that my friend told me: "stop with it" its not worth it, but reality is, that Im just upset that he is living his life plentifully while Im feeling like crap, then I calmed down, and felt like a prat, because as you know, this fight is btw my heart and mind, my heart still tells me to keep loving him but my mind is listening and telling me to let him go, its the best for me, and the cherry on the top is that yesterday I published a picture of my reaction (my work) and guess who liked the pic? I the pathetic thing is that I was sooo happy with this.. I just dont understand myself but anyway Im just trying to get over this..

Just remember and think positive, after the storm the sun comes out, there are good and bad days, and the only truth is, that time cures everything, I like to think this My friends are afraid that Im going to contact him, but Im not doing this, Im just keeping NC until I get better if not forever!