Heartbroken.. Seeking advice to help me move on?

[Mandala]

I got up with that knot behind the throat, again. But hopefully I'm not gonna carry it around all day. I don't remember if I dreamed about him or not, but he's all I think about at ANY given moment.

I hope everybody is going to have a serene day! We all need it. ❤️

[Helpmesavethis]

I got up with that knot behind the throat, again. But hopefully I'm not gonna carry it around all day. I don't remember if I dreamed about him or not, but he's all I think about at ANY given moment.

I hope everybody is going to have a serene day! We all need it. ❤️

 

Did he not ever reply to your last message?

[Mandala]

No, he didn't. Though a couple of hours later he 'liked' another one of my pics on FB. Again, he has NEVER done this before, he rarely 'liked' my pics when we were together and now it became a daily thing. He 'likes' mine and my kids ones.

 

Then yesterday night his sister contacted me on Messenger and she was really nice. We have chatted for a good while, but we didn't talk about him.

That's all.

What he told me yesterday (I can't get you out of my heart) is killing me. I cannot stop thinking about it.

[Helpmesavethis]

I know everyone is different but I don't see how you're doing it going back and forth. As much as it's killing me, I think I'm better as I am, not speaking to him in any way, shape or form. Because if it is truly over, I have to move on. Not sure how long you can keep going like this with all the uncertainty. It isn't fair to you. I hope you get answers soon, one way or the other so you can process it all and go on with life one way or the other. Hang in there.

[Schockobaerin]

Hello Everybody:

I hope today is a better day for all @mandala that is just manipulation, what are you winning for his words if he doesnt show it properly?` ITs normal that you have hope, but it he doesnt explicit tells you that he wants back with you, the rest is useless.. @helmesavethis I really understand you, Im having the same situation as you, I just hope is going to get better over time..

About me: Well I have been depressed, ovethinking everything till our sexdrive, he is now on holiday living his life and having a great time, while Im just bad sleeping and trying to take care of myself, today very early I have cried again (of course) then I felt better, but as days passes by, Im beginning to doubt my feelings, maybe Im not that in love with him, but with a ilusion? or with the idea of having someone that loves me? I miss him very much, I miss to be with him, but one thing is for sure, I do not want him back if he doesnt offer me more than breadcrumbs, and anyway if this is going to happen is going to take a couple of months at least.. I just have to live my life and grow, is so difficult and so unfair, but what else can I do? At least we both(he and I) are respecting our deal and stay NC, I just dissapeared from FB and today I just dont want to snoop his fb account (thats a first). WE must be strong and empower ourselves there is not other way Look how unfair is it.. Im here depressed and he is on travelling, having fun and meeting new people, but this is all my fault. So I must change it, Im just so tired of this, I hope this is over soon

Have a nice weekend

[Snowtoken]

Hi there, i am going through the same thing now and i swear this hurts alot.

 

I've been seeing a guy for 5 months. In the beginning he has been dedicated towards dating me but I took it casually because I just got out of an almost relationship back then and wasn't ready to trust anyone. Overtime I warmed up to him as he mentioned that he felt he is reaching out to me more than I do to him. I told him that I do not commit unless I know this is something serious. He didn't say much after that but continued asking me out. Back then we were only going out for a month or so.

 

Things were going well until few weeks ago he came over to my place and we started making out. He then stopped immediately and said that he is going through a divorce and he can't jump into a r/s for now. That was the first time I came to know about it and was honestly taken aback. I decided to continue seeing him as I was already emotionally invested with him and accepted his past. I even assured him that i'm not looking at him differently and i'm there if he needs a hug.

 

We decided to take things slow but somehow could not control as there was a second and third occurrence of physical intimacy, both of which he stopped before anything could happen because he doesn't think its right. I then asked him where exactly are we, and he said he has no idea but just think we are heading too fast and should be friends and date each other casually. I agreed to take things slower. However, he ended up not replying my messages and ghosted on me. Its been almost a week since he has not contacted me and I've been crying my eyes out.

 

This is so painful. I've been very genuine towards him and was even ready to accept him for who he was. I was cautious in the beginning when I know him because I just healed from 2 consecutive failed relationships. This is the 3rd almost relationship and it literally felt like i got run down by the car 3 times. I could not stop crying and always wished that i could sleep and not wake up ever.

[Helpmesavethis]

I had unfriended him from all social media but still found myself crazy going to his pages. I slowly have stopped. Haven't been on anything in over 2 days... It's hard but it's also making it all easier. Just have to push yourself not to look. I start to and then I'm like no, why hurt myself more looking at his pictures or potentially seeing something that would hurt. His page is fairly private so I cannot see a lot but we have mutual friends so I've seen comments etc... I've pretty much stayed off of social media the last 2 days to prevent me from seeing anything and it's helping. It sucks. I want him back so bad. I miss him so much. But... If he doesn't want to give me his all and all that I deserve then why... Why do I want that... I don't. So his actions of not giving me that are helping me accept all of this and I'm trying my darndest to move on. I have lots of plans this weekend and I'm hoping it will help keep him off my mind as much. But it seems everything brings me right back to thoughts of him.... Ugh. I've done well with no crying unless someone asks about him... Then I usually break down because I have to explain we're not together and that makes it hard.

[Helpmesavethis]

Hi there, i am going through the same thing now and i swear this hurts alot.

 

I've been seeing a guy for 5 months. In the beginning he has been dedicated towards dating me but I took it casually because I just got out of an almost relationship back then and wasn't ready to trust anyone. Overtime I warmed up to him as he mentioned that he felt he is reaching out to me more than I do to him. I told him that I do not commit unless I know this is something serious. He didn't say much after that but continued asking me out. Back then we were only going out for a month or so.

 

Things were going well until few weeks ago he came over to my place and we started making out. He then stopped immediately and said that he is going through a divorce and he can't jump into a r/s for now. That was the first time I came to know about it and was honestly taken aback. I decided to continue seeing him as I was already emotionally invested with him and accepted his past. I even assured him that i'm not looking at him differently and i'm there if he needs a hug.

 

We decided to take things slow but somehow could not control as there was a second and third occurrence of physical intimacy, both of which he stopped before anything could happen because he doesn't think its right. I then asked him where exactly are we, and he said he has no idea but just think we are heading too fast and should be friends and date each other casually. I agreed to take things slower. However, he ended up not replying my messages and ghosted on me. Its been almost a week since he has not contacted me and I've been crying my eyes out.

 

This is so painful. I've been very genuine towards him and was even ready to accept him for who he was. I was cautious in the beginning when I know him because I just healed from 2 consecutive failed relationships. This is the 3rd almost relationship and it literally felt like i got run down by the car 3 times. I could not stop crying and always wished that i could sleep and not wake up ever.

 

Oh I'm so sorry. I feel your pain. We all do. Please feel free to come here to vent and for support. We're helping each other get thru this. It is very hard to do but you need to keep NC and make him come fight for you... If this is going to work.. you've reached out to him, now it's his turn. It's all we can do or it'll make things worse and make him run faster the other direction. Maybe he just needs time to think.. although he could have told you this..... I've said it a hundred times on here... I don't see how people do this to others... Never in a million years did I think mine would just up and ignore a message sent to him... He could at least say I'm done, move on... but actions speak louder than words and I'm taking his actions as telling me what he wants and that's to be done with me. I'm learning to accept it after 3 weeks...

[thunderdog23]

Ok looks like I have to vent here as well. I am maintaining NC with my ex girlfriend for almost 2 weeks and it is even harder with each day. Even though she hurt me during last months, I miss her terribly (more details in my topic). She has not contacted me so far.

Since the morning our favorite songs keeps playing in my head (Incubus - love hurts, like bad joke). To make the matter worse most of my friends are out of city this weekend. My only plan is cycling, but I am afraid that I will have too much free time.

[Helpmesavethis]

Ok looks like I have to vent here as well. I am maintaining NC with my ex girlfriend for almost 2 weeks and it is even harder with each day. Even though she hurt me during last months, I miss her terribly (more details in my topic). She has not contacted me so far.

Since the morning our favorite songs keeps playing in my head (Incubus - love hurts, like bad joke). To make the matter worse most of my friends are out of city this weekend. My only plan is cycling, but I am afraid that I will have too much free time.

 

Welcome.. so sorry you're going thru this with us. NC does hurt.. it sucks. But it has to be done to properly allow yourself to heal and try to move on. I was alone all last weekend. I stayed on the couch the majority of the time and I did a lot of thinking... I came here often for support... I actually think it was good for me.. I was alone clearly thinking of everything that happened.. everything that I want and deserve and everything he's not doing to be with me... I'm a week ahead of you and while it's no where near easy, it IS easier.. I'm taking it day by day as trying to accept that it's over and move on. Do I have hope he'll still come back? heck yes I do but I can't keep harping on that and at this point would like to think I'm strong enough to let him know I'm not settling for less if he did contact me. I needed this time without him to figure that out. You'll get there. We all will be ok. It'll just take time and until then we're all here for each other to help get thru it.

[Mandala]

Guys, I'm having one of those moments, I'm very weak right now and keep wondering if I should call him and see if we can communicate. Please, remind me why I shouldn't do it!!!

[Helpmesavethis]

Guys, I'm having one of those moments, I'm very weak right now and keep wondering if I should call him and see if we can communicate. Please, remind me why I shouldn't do it!!!

 

No no no no no.. don't you dare. You're going to have to delete all of his info or something to keep yourself from reaching out to him. You have to keep NC or else he knows he just toy with you whenever he feels the need... Please stay strong. Put your phone down. Go for a walk. Get away from it. Lock yourself in the backroom without the phone and cry it out. DO NOT CONTACT HIM!!!!

[Mandala]

Thank you, thank you.

I keep crying, it's a very hard day. I have to go help some friends with a project in an hour, but I can't even carry myself in the shower.

Why does this have to hurt like this??? I feel in a black hole right now.

[Helpmesavethis]

Thank you, thank you.

I keep crying, it's a very hard day. I have to go help some friends with a project in an hour, but I can't even carry myself in the shower.

Why does this have to hurt like this??? I feel in a black hole right now.

 

I know it sucks. I deleted EVERYTHING... All text, social media messages, etc. Everything.. because any little bit of it made it easier to contact him. When it's not right there in front of you, it's easier not to. I haven't blocked him so he can still contact me if he wants to but I will NOT contact him again... I have that will power after doing all of the above and getting it out of my system last weekend. Make yourself get in the shower. Fix yourself up. Even if you don't feel like it and want to.. you'll feel better because you did... You know I'm here so cry, vent, whatever you need. But please please stay strong and do not contact him...

[Mandala]

Thank you love, your support is really important for me in this moment. I feel incredibly alone. I took a shower and I'm trying to react. My stomach hurts, but I must go through this. I'm sure I will write you back soon for some more words of encouragement. I can't thank you enough. ❤️

[Helpmesavethis]

Thank you love, your support is really important for me in this moment. I feel incredibly alone. I took a shower and I'm trying to react. My stomach hurts, but I must go through this. I'm sure I will write you back soon for some more words of encouragement. I can't thank you enough. ❤️

 

How are you? I've been thinking about you. Hope you're hanging in there strong.

[Mandala]

Thank you for thinking of me.

I just came from helping my friends, it was healing to be there with them and working on a very selfless project. Now that I'm back alone though I'm already starting to feel the cloud coming... Of course he didn't leave my mind for a second. I keep fantasizing about calling him and ask him to share his fears with me. I also am dealing with the fear of losing him for good because of how detached and cold I've been in my responses to all of his attempts. It really does feel like a drug. I have physical pain, my emotions are a mess, and my brain is mashed... but I'm trying to find the strength.

How are you today?

[Schockobaerin]

Thank you for thinking of me.

I just came from helping my friends, it was healing to be there with them and working on a very selfless project. Now that I'm back alone though I'm already starting to feel the cloud coming... Of course he didn't leave my mind for a second. I keep fantasizing about calling him and ask him to share his fears with me. I also am dealing with the fear of losing him for good because of how detached and cold I've been in my responses to all of his attempts. It really does feel like a drug. I have physical pain, my emotions are a mess, and my brain is mashed... but I'm trying to find the strength.

How are you today?

 

Hey, if you are going to lose him because of your "cold behaviour" he just doesnt love you, as simple as that, you just werent a doormat, in that case he would lose all the respect he has for you, and thinks can become a lot worser.. Let him be, give him the gift to properly miss you, because believe me dear, Im talking for experience if you keep pushing you can lose him... I understand you but is the best.. And if you cannot handle it anymore, then call him, and ask him what does he want, but dont beg and dont apologize, you have been hurt as well, think about it..

 

As for me, Im so upset, because I miss him so much, Im dying to be with him but just I cannot, and when I try to find another guy, I just cannot.. Probably is too soon.. I hate that feeling, is like he was the only one and I never going to love again and that kills me In btw he has "new (girl)friends on fb and now he is probably in a bar having lots of fun... ahhhh Im just so pathetic

[Mandala]

I know you are right, and I know that today I'm way too emotional to think straight.

My reason for wanting to call him is because he has made attempts and I'm worried that by me shutting him off he could feel like there is no reason to try more if I just decided to let him go. What he said yesterday to me sounded like an opening...

Is this just the irrational me speaking?

[Mandala]

Hey, if you are going to lose him because of your "cold behaviour" he just doesnt love you, as simple as that, you just werent a doormat, in that case he would lose all the respect he has for you, and thinks can become a lot worser.. Let him be, give him the gift to properly miss you, because believe me dear, Im talking for experience if you keep pushing you can lose him... I understand you but is the best.. And if you cannot handle it anymore, then call him, and ask him what does he want, but dont beg and dont apologize, you have been hurt as well, think about it..

 

As for me, Im so upset, because I miss him so much, Im dying to be with him but just I cannot, and when I try to find another guy, I just cannot.. Probably is too soon.. I hate that feeling, is like he was the only one and I never going to love again and that kills me In btw he has "new (girl)friends on fb and now he is probably in a bar having lots of fun... ahhhh Im just so pathetic

 

You are not ready for another guy, I don't think any of us is. We have too much emotional baggage that we would only bring to our next relationship only to destroy it.

We need to heal.

I think you should really consider to stop looking at his page. It just seems like it's starting to be very hurtful to witness him knowing other girls and have fun. Try to give some love to yourself today and promise to yourself at least not to look at it for 24 hours. See how it feels. It's a small step, but it's a step.

Much love. ❤️

[Schockobaerin]

You are not ready for another guy, I don't think any of us is. We have too much emotional baggage that we would only bring to our next relationship only to destroy it.

We need to heal.

I think you should really consider to stop looking at his page. It just seems like it's starting to be very hurtful to witness him knowing other girls and have fun. Try to give some love to yourself today and promise to yourself at least not to look at it for 24 hours. See how it feels. It's a small step, but it's a step.

Much love. ❤️

 

About the sloth.. well Its not like he is publishing a lot, he is not so stupid to publish things like that on fb, he knows that I and his exgf are loonies that stalk his fb, his exgf is worser than me. So he is just publishing, something like "im on this museum" nothing else, I know you are right, and Im just looking at his fb once a day, and stopped to see his exgf fb, at least the last time I saw he stopped "liking" her stuff.. Im not publishing anything so no "likes" for me either.. And fb doesnt mean anything because you can feel one way, publish something else, or make certain things private.. But anyway.. It stinks, I just want time to run faster, so I can get over him, this still hurts very much and I want to heal and I miss him..

 

Back to you @mandala you didnt shut him off, because you were friendly, cold but friendly, its natural to feel like this, because he hurt you, he must understand that you cannot hurt a person and expect it all to be ok.. Wait a sec, thats how the sloth thinks right now... Look your head is a mess right now, and you cannot trust your gut right now.. If a man wants to talk to you, he is going to do it, as simple as that.. Dont let him play hot-cold to you, its a opening, but he must open the door and enter, not only knock once and then you are going to do all the work... I know is difficult and very anxious, but is the best, if not look what I told you at the private.. write to him that if he wants to talk you dont have a problem with it.. But you must be strong, so he doesnt lost the respect he can have for you ok=? Animo!!

[Helpmesavethis]

Ok, I am here to support you ladies and gentlemen as I have used you for supporting me as well but... I'm going to give a little tough love now... I'm doing better than you both in particular. Good?, No, but better. Why? Because I have x'd him from my life. It hurts like hell. I want to yell, scream, I don't understand why this happened and so on. It's killing me.. but it's easier. It truly is. I haven't been to his Facebook page for 3 days now. It's getting easier to even not have the urge to check it. Get yourselves together. If these men wanted us, they would be with us. They all know how we feel. They all know we want to be with them. If they wanted us, they would be with us. None of this posting new friends, going back and forth, toying with your emotions etc. So you have to pull yourself together and toughen up. Tomorrow is a new day. Get up, get fixed up, even if it's just to go to the grocery store, and quit sitting around having a pity party for yourself. This sucks. No easier way to say it but I refuse to let him continue to control my life because he can't get his head out of his a$$. I'm trying my darndest to move on. He's still on my mind, I still want him but I'm not letting these emotions control me any longer. I deserve more and so do you.

[Mandala]

I agree with you, I really do. That's exactly what I would tell you too. Why am I so blind to my own situation??? I feel so stupid.

That's exactly why I need to keep coming here for your suggestions and encouragement so much. You keep me grounded. I would have already f#%K&D up so many times if I was left on my own! Scary.

 

Anyway, I'm glad sloth he's being respectful in that way and not publishing things that would hurt you further. And you seem to have a grasp in the stalking area. If mine would publish things, I would probably have more temptations to go look at his profile, but that's really rare for him... I'm actually scared that some day I'd see something that would hurt me greatly, but I know that at that point I would finally unfriend him.

 

What a crappy day, I can't wait for this feeling to be over.

[Schockobaerin]

Ok, I am here to support you ladies and gentlemen as I have used you for supporting me as well but... I'm going to give a little tough love now... I'm doing better than you both in particular. Good?, No, but better. Why? Because I have x'd him from my life. It hurts like hell. I want to yell, scream, I don't understand why this happened and so on. It's killing me.. but it's easier. It truly is. I haven't been to his Facebook page for 3 days now. It's getting easier to even not have the urge to check it. Get yourselves together. If these men wanted us, they would be with us. They all know how we feel. They all know we want to be with them. If they wanted us, they would be with us. None of this posting new friends, going back and forth, toying with your emotions etc. So you have to pull yourself together and toughen up. Tomorrow is a new day. Get up, get fixed up, even if it's just to go to the grocery store, and quit sitting around having a pity party for yourself. This sucks. No easier way to say it but I refuse to let him continue to control my life because he can't get his head out of his a$$. I'm trying my darndest to move on. He's still on my mind, I still want him but I'm not letting these emotions control me any longer. I deserve more and so do you.

 

Thank you for your words, Im on my way to it.. You are very brave and we must follow your example But again is so difficult, for me is more curiosity (stupid sloth) but is truth is getting better, I dont have this urging to see his fb, every hour, now is just once a day, and like I have said, it doesnt mean anything..I already tried to unfriend him just to friend him back, and that stung on him.. So this is out of the question for now.. Im just dissapearing, and Im going to get better thats for sure.. Again thank you for your words..

@mandala sloth is very smart and hates mindplaying, his exgf is a genius on that and I told him I DONT DO MINDGAMES and dont like to be played either.. He is just thinking about himself thats all, and that is exactly what I must be doing thinking about myself.. (Easier said than done K( ) But as @helpmesavethis told us, tomorrow is another day

[thunderdog23]

Ok I have managed to survive the evening without texting her. But still, there are some many things I would like to tell her, so many songs to share... I can barely handle not contacting her, I am so used to texting throughout the day and spending weekends together. Actually the weekends are the worst, both evenings and mornings...

 

Question to you girls - if you were the dumper, would you wait for dumpee to contact you and let you know that he is open to reconciliation or would you prefer to have space and contact him once you make your made?