Breaking Of The Engagement with my "High school Sweetheart"

[AlwaysInTheWro]

I've been engaged for 4 months to my quote on quote hs sweet heart . I feel sad because I always pressured him into taking things further.and now I feel like the timing is off, since he asked me at the wrong time. When mentally I was ready to get my stuff together and be me. Being with someone since youve been 16 and getting engaged shortly after is a roller coaster. I feel like its messed up for mw to even question . were both 20 years old. During that time. We had our son whos now 13 months. The thing is I feel the total opposite of what a bride to be should feel. I feel so mediocre. Everyone else is more happier than I am about the future wedding. It doesn't help that I'm in love with an ex , another part of me wants to be young and still live. And go to college and be independent. This will all mold our child. I know in the long run unhappiness always shows. I'm just tired of the marriage not working even before the actual wedding. I just wish I can find an easy way to let him down easy, especially since I love his family and all. In the long run I rather see him with someone who will make him happier. Because I feel like I've put him through enough of my uncertainty and manic depression. I know I need to love myself first and I still haven't done that. Because I'm quick to jump on a guy who gives me attention. In tired of feeling like a dusty toy in a window display. I want to be loved tje way I want to be loved. Because a ring shouldn't just cut it. I'm just so confused I need light. Its unpossible to love two men at once.

[melancholy123]

You jumped too fast and too young and that's why you are where you are right now. You havent had the opportunity to get out of your teen years and into your 20s doing the usual things and furthering your education. You are clearly unhappy so I hope you dont actually marry this young man unless you are totally 100% sure you want to do that. Feeling the way you do, you need to break it off and work on yourself and your future as well as taking care of your child.

[abitbroken]

You are the one who kept pressuring him for what you wanted and now you are upset at him for giving him what you want? You have a 13 month old son with this young man. You have a big responsibility. Before you break his heart and break up your family do you know you can "figure out who you are" and still be married? Try different things - take a class, join a meetup group and go to college. And definitely, go to counseling. You don't have to marry tomorrow or marry ever. But on the other hand -- you seriously are upset at something you kept pushing for all along?? It sounds like you are attention seeking and want the same big deal that happens when a woman is engaged and puts the cart before the horse. Marriage and love isn't about the big wedding -- and to you apparently it is.

 

But on the other hand, how can you be in love with an ex if you have been together since you were 16 -- what ex could you possibly have had?

[Snny]

A couple things I want to point out:

 

were both 20 years old. During that time. We had our son whos now 13 months. The thing is I feel the total opposite of what a bride to be should feel. I feel so mediocre. Everyone else is more happier than I am about the future wedding. It doesn't help that I'm in love with an ex , another part of me wants to be young and still live. And go to college and be independent.

Most marriages under the age of 25 do not survive. My parents got married at 21 and were lucky to have their marriage last, but they even say that they wish they waited. They couldn't finish their college education while married. There's really NO rush.

 

People and priorities change compared to high school (as you are seeing now). You are still exploring who you are as a person, and having too many commitments - including something as serious as a marriage - will burn you out.

 

I'm just tired of the marriage not working even before the actual wedding.

Wait, you're already married?? What "actual" wedding?

 

Because I feel like I've put him through enough of my uncertainty and manic depression. I know I need to love myself first and I still haven't done that. Because I'm quick to jump on a guy who gives me attention.

You can't jump in a relationship without doing this first or raise a child. You need professional help and should start counseling services ASAP. Because if you do end this relationship, he will seek a legal custody battle over your child- and your mental wellbeing can be used against you (unless you are under therapy and have shown evidence of recovery). I have a friend who recently gained full custody of his child because of his girlfriend's mental instabilities.

 

Its unpossible to love two men at once.

Right now, you're responsibility is to be a mother. Drop the ex-boyfriend. That can also be used against you in a custody battle. You really need to work on yourself here before you make any rash decisions.

 

Please go seek professional help. Good luck.

[Snny]

But on the other hand, how can you be in love with an ex if you have been together since you were 16 -- what ex could you possibly have had?

I'm wondering this too. She's got an ex and is supposedly already married? What is going on?

 

OP better be telling the truth or she's not getting helpful advice. I'm finding it difficult to sympathize with her case.

[abitbroken]

I'm wondering this too. She's got an ex and is supposedly already married? What is going on?

 

OP better be telling the truth or she's not getting helpful advice. I'm finding it difficult to sympathize with her case.

 

I am wondering if they are not married but are living together, raising the child and operating as a family unit and she is attracted to the ex because she doesn't like the responsibilities of raising a child, paying bills, etc. To me, it shows how much character this young man he has if he is living as a family with her despite the impulsive behavior and low moods manic depression can bring.

She really needs to get ongoing professional help.

 

Two of my siblings married young (20 and 21) and their marriages are going very strong. One waited for everything for marriage. Sure, the first year was tough -- but they got through it and are now married 10 years and 17 years respectively. I do know people who married impulsively that didn't last or people had the wrong idea about what marriage was. You have to push yourself back in the ring when there are little disagreements and the grass is seldom greener on the other side.

[Snny]

I am wondering if they are not married but are living together, raising the child and operating as a family unit and she is attracted to the ex because she doesn't like the responsibilities of raising a child, paying bills, etc.

My beef is the potential lying here, and she's not responding when I called it out.

 

Like I said, my parents married at a very young age and are still married. But they struggled significantly. They've come pretty damn close to a divorce if it wasn't their spiritual faith. That still doesn't change the facts of being in a higher risk of a divorce. And with her circumstances, she needs to work on herself first before taking on the stress of planning a wedding/marriage. She's got a lot on her plate with raising a baby and coping with mental illness.

[Rustysuit]

I would definitely advice going to a therapist or couple's therapy. There's something off in your relationship and it seems to be in your end, but he might be able to help you.

 

I understand you're young and have a whole life ahead of you, but you say you "want to be loved the way you want to", but which way is that? How do you know? You might be making a big mistake (and we all need to make those), but explore other possibilities before you decide you're being loved "the wrong way".

 

Also, you can decide NOT to get married and still be with your partner.