Should I Stay or Walk Away?

[s0fly]

Help..

I've been "dating" this guy for over a year now. We started off as casual for the first couple months, as time went on we became much closer i.e communicating everyday and seeing each other regularly. So I started developing pretty strong feelings for him.

 

One day I expressed my feelings to him and asked if he sees us being in a relationship. He responded by saying he's not yet ready for a relationship but wants us to continue working towards one. He later on admitted that he has commitment issues that stem from his childhood (him not growing up with an example of a healthy relationship and only witnessing a toxic one) and from his two past relationships that have failed. He also revealed that he recently started going to therapy for this commitment issue.

 

Since we had that conversation, I told him that I can no longer continue sleeping with him and that I decided I want to wait to be physical with someone until i'm in a relationship.

He understood and respected this. He wants to still work towards a relationship with me. And still continues and initiates talking to me everyday and makes time to see me.

 

However at this point I'm torn on what to do.. Everytime we spend time together I find myself feeling pretty depressed afterwards because I can't have that real relationship with him. I feel that he does care a lot about me but is fearful to get into a relationship right now and he said he's talking to his therapist about it.

 

He's been in therapy for about 5 months now and tells me he needs more time to figure his issues out in therapy. He doesn't know how long it will take him but says he will let me know and hopes that I will be here when he is ready.

 

Should I continue seeing him and be patient for him to work through his issues before starting a relationship.

Or should I just cut my losses and stop communication with him so I can try to clear my mind and move on.

 

Because what if he will never be ready for a relationship...

 

 

Meanwhile I have been meeting new people/going on dates to try and move on but haven't had any luck so far.

 

(I'm 22 and he's 28.)

[Pleasedonot5]

I'm pretty much that guy, different age. I was scared because at first I thought you were my ex-S/O lmaooo.

 

Basically, when he wants to be with someone, he'll know. That he is unsure shows that he logically wants to be with you, but his gut says no for one reason or another. There's potential you could resolve those things holding him back, but I would say most likely you won't.

[Hollyj]

Move on. He is a waste of time.

[HeartGoesOn]

Since we had that conversation, I told him that I can no longer continue sleeping with him and that I decided I want to wait to be physical with someone until i'm in a relationship.

 

It sounds as if that FWB situation has left the building. However, in the future I would take the lesson (above) with me, as your chances for a healthy relationship are much greater, (imo).

[Starlight925]

I always say, when a man tells you something, listen.

 

He's telling you, loud and clear, what you need to listen to: that he is not ready for a relationship. Everything he adds afterwards is just fluff. White noise. The whaap-whaap-whaap of adults in Charlie Brown shows.

 

If you are ok waiting, then that's fine, but I sense that you are not. I sense that this makes you uneasy, and it makes you feel unsteady, and that what you really want, is a true, solid relationship, building towards something permanent. He is telling you very clearly that this is not what he is looking for.

 

Find someone who is on the same page as you.

 

A wise friend once told me that the first thing you should seek to understand, when you are dating someone new, is whether you two are on the same page as far as what you want. I had spent 2 1/2 years with someone who, as it turned out, never wanted anything permanent. I kept waiting, hoping, analyzing every little thing he said to garner a scrap of information. When he was telling me this all along, and basically, I just wasted 2 1/2 years. Don't waste your time with this guy. It's possible that your leaving him will jolt him into wanting you back, but only full-on, relationship building towards a future. Anything else is just spinning your wheels.

[s0fly]

I always say, when a man tells you something, listen.

 

He's telling you, loud and clear, what you need to listen to: that he is not ready for a relationship. Everything he adds afterwards is just fluff. White noise. The -- of adults in Charlie Brown shows.

 

If you are ok waiting, then that's fine, but I sense that you are not. I sense that this makes you uneasy, and it makes you feel unsteady, and that what you really want, is a true, solid relationship, building towards something permanent. He is telling you very clearly that this is not what he is looking for.

 

Find someone who is on the same page as you.

 

A wise friend once told me that the first thing you should seek to understand, when you are dating someone new, is whether you two are on the same page as far as what you want. I had spent 2 1/2 years with someone who, as it turned out, never wanted anything permanent. I kept waiting, hoping, analyzing every little thing he said to garner a scrap of information. When he was telling me this all along, and basically, I just wasted 2 1/2 years. Don't waste your time with this guy. It's possible that your leaving him will jolt him into wanting you back, but only full-on, relationship building towards a future. Anything else is just spinning your wheels.

 

Thank you.

[Viewcart]

I hope you're dating other men. If you're not, then this is a firm example of why women should be dating multiple men for as long as you're single. Keep him around as a backup as long as you're not having sex with him. If he's never ready for a relationship, fine, you have other options so who cares. No need to burn bridges.

 

Premature monogamy is the worst situation to put yourself in.

[s0fly]

I hope you're dating other men. If you're not, then this is a firm example of why women should be dating multiple men for as long as you're single. Keep him around as a backup as long as you're not having sex with him. If he's never ready for a relationship, fine, you have other options so who cares. No need to burn bridges.

 

Premature monogamy is the worst situation to put yourself in.

 

Agree thank you, that's why I'm still dating other men.

 

What I'm not sure to do is if I should tell him we need space until he's ready. Or just let it be.

[Sportster2005]

Because what if he will never be ready for a relationship...

 

 

Meanwhile I have been meeting new people/going on dates to try and move on but haven't had any luck so far.

 

(I'm 22 and he's 28.)

 

The chances of getting into a relationship with someone is very slim. The chances of getting into a relationship with someone who isn't ready is pretty near non-existent. If I were in a similar situation, I would keep in contact, but I would continue dating other people. I would maintain the expectation that this will probably never work out.

[emooreluv83]

End it !!! Point blank

[catfeeder]

Agree thank you, that's why I'm still dating other men.

 

What I'm not sure to do is if I should tell him we need space until he's ready.

 

That's exactly what I would do.