Ex responded furiously to my goodbye email

[katrina1980]

It sounds like he wanted closure and was trying to get over you. You just kept reopening his wound. With everything you said, I've got to say I agree with him. It sounds like whether you realize it or not you were playing mind games. I'm not saying he doesnt have any blame in this but it sounds like you are the antagonist.

 

I often wonder how many of us play mind games without realizing that's what we're doing, from the other person's perspective.

 

I often felt that some guys were mind-f***ing me, while they thought I was!

 

Life and relationships are so crazy sometimes, aren't they? lol

 

I dont think she was playing games. She broke up with him (actually it sounded more mutual than 'her' ending it), realized it was a mistake and tried to get him back.

 

He wouldn't have it, even while responding with "miss you's" etc, but she finally accepted that it was over, and needed some sort of closure, for herself.

 

So sent the final text.

 

All that was needed from him was either nothing back or, "wish you the best too."

 

DONE.

 

He sounds like a big baby, imo.

[thealchemist]

I do agree many times it is unintentional and on both sides. I honestly have never felt like my spounce has ever played mind games with me. I however come off that way occasionally when I get upset. It isn't intentional and when my wife calls me out on it I can stop it looking at it logically.

 

Don't know how much is because of my male perspective but his responses seemed much more mild. Him reaching out some honestly just seems like most people break NC a few times. Hers seems more numerous by her discription.

[Mcasa1026]

He was working!

 

And before anyone says "It only takes a few seconds to type out a text!", there are many work places that don't allow access to personal cell phones for various reasons. My work place, for example, forbids personal cell phones inside the building for security reasons.

 

It's not like he was at the club or playing video games or was Facebooking and deliberately ignored you. If the texts were unread, it means he didn't get a chance to read them.

 

And you absolutely could have gotten past all this without sending a "goodbye email". You could have just realized it wasn't going to work out and left it at that. I think you sent that email because you were hoping he'd want to work things out. It was you giving him "one more chance" to take you back. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem like that's in the cards.

 

But that's not to say this can't be a good learning experience.

 

I think the goodbye email was somehow necessary. Like I said, he sent me emails telling me he missed me and even said that he's going to remain single and celibate because he didn't have any desires to be with other women but me. He sent me mixed signals, too.

 

I agree that we dont intentionally play mind games but somehow perceived as we do in other people's eyes.

 

I am not saying I am not at fault at all. But I feel he should be responsible and it wasn't fair just to take it out on me.

[abitbroken]

I think the goodbye email was somehow necessary. Like I said, he sent me emails telling me he missed me and even said that he's going to remain single and celibate because he didn't have any desires to be with other women but me. He sent me mixed signals, too.

 

I agree that we dont intentionally play mind games but somehow perceived as we do in other people's eyes.

 

I am not saying I am not at fault at all. But I feel he should be responsible and it wasn't fair just to take it out on me.

 

Ok consider this scenario -- you go up in public to a friend and chew them out or tell them how your friendship is officially over and you walk away -- and you then say they should be "responsible enough not to take it out on you". that would be a crazy way of thinking to not expect a reaction!!!

 

Its the same with sending some long winded "farewell" email to your boyfriend and then blaming him for upset about it. These "closure letters" don't exist in a vacuum if you send it to someone. They are not going to read it and say "oh, that's so good that she has closure".

 

Every action causes a reaction. And if someone tells you "Its not a good idea" when you ask to visit or "yes, we are broken up" you can only keep pushing and pushing so much.

[abitbroken]

I think the goodbye email was somehow necessary. Like I said, he sent me emails telling me he missed me and even said that he's going to remain single and celibate because he didn't have any desires to be with other women but me. He sent me mixed signals, too.

 

I agree that we dont intentionally play mind games but somehow perceived as we do in other people's eyes.

 

I am not saying I am not at fault at all. But I feel he should be responsible and it wasn't fair just to take it out on me.

 

 

Any contact besides "i was wrong, let's get back together. Please visit/i am coming to visit" is not a valid 'signal".

That is why when someone tells you its over that you go No Contact.