Lies, Texts, and Kitchen fires

[SusieQ93]

I have a close friend. We'll call her Megan. She has been dating this guy for almost 10 months. Things moved pretty quickly- sex on the first date, moved in after 2 months of knowing him, etc. She likes the guy but he has certain quirks about himself that bother her, i.e. how he spends money and isn't financially responsible, a slight temper, gets depressed easily. The guy is in love with her and wants to get married (actually bought a ring after they moved in together. She hasn't seen it yet though). Megan is not here for it. She barely likes him however she can't find it in herself to leave him, though she wants to.

A few weeks ago Megan set the kitchen in their apartment on fire and caused them to be evicted. They are now leaving on separate places but talk everyday and do things on the weekends. Before they left their apartment Megan noticed that her bf was texting a lot more. When he went to sleep, ahe went through his phone and found out that he had been texting his ex and asking her if he could move in with her. She shot him down because she was currently living with another guy. Megan was heated. She took screenshots and sent them to herself as evidence. Yesterday her bf calls her and tells her that his ex (the same girl) had called him and said that he could leave Megan and that they could get a place together. He acted hurt and offended and said things like why would I leave my girl for You? Etc. Megan was unphased. She believed that him yelling her about the call is like his way of "kind of" telling the truth to get it off of his conscious. Megan asked him questions like why would she call and say that and when was the last time he talked to her and he lied and said back in February (which was a lie). She didn't call him on his lies or fake upsetness. She just behaved nonchalantly. She asked me what should she do? She doesn't want an argument but she has all of the proof in the world plus she's doesn't even want to be with him. When he threatens to break up with her during arguments, she begs him to stay. She has had an "out" for months. She just doesn't take them for the sake of his feelings. What should she do?

[Hollyj]

I know what you should do: stay out of it, and find less dramatic friends!

[nutbrownhare]

What should she do?

 

Start taking responsibility for herself and her actions. Actually asking for advice for herself, rather than getting a friend to do it, would be a start!

[SusieQ93]

Everyone.... She ASKED me to post this here lol.

[pippy longstocking]

She has had an "out" for months. She just doesn't take them for the sake of his feelings. What should she do?

 

well she is going to end up married with kids before she gets her crap together then ..tell her to harden up and do what she has to do because delaying this is not doing anyone any favours .

[DanZee]

The relationship already sounds toxic. She should get away from her bf before she does something stupid like marry him.

[Hollyj]

It is so ridiculous that she would move in with this guy after two months. She knows he is a cheater. I don't understand why she even speaks to him?

 

She needs to locate her self respect and aim for better prospects. She thrives on drama.

[DancingFool]

"A few weeks ago Megan set the kitchen in their apartment on fire and caused them to be evicted."

 

^Am I reading this right that instead of telling him to move out, she set the kitchen on fire and then she still won't actually dump him dump him???!!!!

 

Tell Megan that she needs serious psychiatric care asap. Like to go check herself voluntarily into the nearest psych ward for a month or two and actually get evaluated and work hard on fixing whatever the heck is broken in her brain because what she did above is both criminal and clinically insane.

[Hollyj]

"For those who aren't familiar with my story, I'm 23, a recent divorcee (left a bum who used me and pulled the wool over my eyes our entire relationship), and I'm now seeing an older man who is 14 years older than me. We met through a mutual friend and started off rocky. We are in a pretty good place except his attitude sucks. He catches an attitude, gets in his feelings, and gets in a funk like a little girl. He knows about my past relationship and feels like I don't love him as much because I'm not breaking the bank on him. My last relationship left me broken, mentally and financially. He spoils me and I try to do for him what I can but financially I'm not able too. He gets in a funk because he feels like "a bum got treated better than me" " it's the story of my life" ECT. Just throwing pity party's for himself. Then he catches an attitude and doesn't want to talk to me or gets really passive aggressive. He starts question my feelings for him. He does this for a few hours then when he gets over it thinks everything is fine and it's not. This is a constant thing. He's 37. I feel he's too old to be pouting like a 13 year old girl. I'm feel like I have to walk on eggshells around him. He even gets like this when it comes to sex. I can't say no without him acting like a spoiled brat. He gets it 98% of the time he asks. When I say no, due to me having a headache, or feeling sick, he gets the same crappy attitude. He's literally laid in bed beside me after me saying "no" and watch pprn on his phone with the volume on MAX and masturbating. This has happened several times. He says he's been in a relationship where he was constantly denied sex and says he won't go through it again. He's even gotten out of bed, gotten dressed, and threatened to go somewhere and get some... even going so much as sitting on the car for 20 mins. "

Are you certain this isn't your story? You and Megan seem to choose the same type of men.

[j.man]

She should probably stop cooking.

[yatsue]

"For those who aren't familiar with my story, I'm 23, a recent divorcee (left a bum who used me and pulled the wool over my eyes our entire relationship), and I'm now seeing an older man who is 14 years older than me. We met through a mutual friend and started off rocky. We are in a pretty good place except his attitude sucks. He catches an attitude, gets in his feelings, and gets in a funk like a little girl. He knows about my past relationship and feels like I don't love him as much because I'm not breaking the bank on him. My last relationship left me broken, mentally and financially. He spoils me and I try to do for him what I can but financially I'm not able too. He gets in a funk because he feels like "a bum got treated better than me" " it's the story of my life" ECT. Just throwing pity party's for himself. Then he catches an attitude and doesn't want to talk to me or gets really passive aggressive. He starts question my feelings for him. He does this for a few hours then when he gets over it thinks everything is fine and it's not. This is a constant thing. He's 37. I feel he's too old to be pouting like a 13 year old girl. I'm feel like I have to walk on eggshells around him. He even gets like this when it comes to sex. I can't say no without him acting like a spoiled brat. He gets it 98% of the time he asks. When I say no, due to me having a headache, or feeling sick, he gets the same crappy attitude. He's literally laid in bed beside me after me saying "no" and watch pprn on his phone with the volume on MAX and masturbating. This has happened several times. He says he's been in a relationship where he was constantly denied sex and says he won't go through it again. He's even gotten out of bed, gotten dressed, and threatened to go somewhere and get some... even going so much as sitting on the car for 20 mins. "

Are you certain this isn't your story? You and Megan seem to choose the same type of men.

 

I don't see any particular similarities here, except that they're both in bad relationships like the many other people who post here.

 

I suggest your friend break up with him in whatever way she can manage to do it; text, phone, etc. Just leave a message and block everywhere because he seems to always somehow reel her back in. Whether it's his or her doing, who knows. Just do it already, he knows she wants this. You don't need a reply from him in order to break up. State it is done and don't remain in contact anymore. Delete all social media and phone connections.

[SusieQ93]

@DancingFool it wasn't intentional. It was an accident. She felt horrible because of it. He almost died

[SusieQ93]

@Hollyj no this isn't my story lol. I have aired my own dirty laundry for over a year and a half and have had no problem sharing the most nonsensical, embarrassing, and pathetic details of my relationship(s).

[Hollyj]

@Hollyj no this isn't my story lol. I have aired my own dirty laundry for over a year and a half and have had no problem sharing the most nonsensical, embarrassing, and pathetic details of my relationship(s).

 

Okay. My apologies.

 

I think that you ladies need to understand your poor choices in partners. Perhaps, a long break from dating and some counseling.