Reconnecting with someone I used to date

[Sjsldlsksjsh1]

Me and a guy dated for two months about two years ago but he ended things saying he wanted to focus on work etc but he'd always be there. I was only 19 at the time so I was heartbroken and proceeded to call him drunk every weekend. I understand that I acted crazy and I even asked him to block me to stop me contacting him. He didn't do this at first but eventually did and it's the best thing he ever did for me because it allowed me to move on. He was never horrible or anything but understanding the whole time. In the past two years I've had a 10 month relationship which came to an end and I have been thinking about the guy I used to date again. I messaged him on Facebook just asking how he was but he never replied. I would like to apologise though for how I acted and see if he would like to meet just for a drink or catch-up but I don't know how to go about it or even if I should

[Knight2001]

dont do it, leave him alone.

[Sjsldlsksjsh1]

Can I ask why you think this? I just wanted to understand your way of thinking to help me decide

[j.man]

Sorry, but that bridge is burnt with its ashes having long been eaten and pooped out by the fish.

 

Not too many people handle heartbreak well, particularly at 19, so don't kick yourself too hard. Unfortunately, things happened and that's just how it goes. You seemed to have taken that opportunity to learn a lesson and I'm assuming you're not blowing up this most recent guy's phone drunkenly.

 

Now it's time to learn your next lesson, which is to cope with heartbreak without having to reach out to past lovers and flings. Develop your emotional independence and your quality of life both during and after a relationship will go through the roof.

 

I know it sucks, but focus on you. You'll do fine.

[Sjsldlsksjsh1]

Sorry, but that bridge is burnt with its ashes having long been eaten and pooped out by the fish.

 

Not too many people handle heartbreak well, particularly at 19, so don't kick yourself too hard. Unfortunately, things happened and that's just how it goes. You seemed to have taken that opportunity to learn a lesson and I'm assuming you're not blowing up this most recent guy's phone drunkenly.

 

Now it's time to learn your next lesson, which is to cope with heartbreak without having to reach out to past lovers and flings. Develop your emotional independence and your quality of life both during and after a relationship will go through the roof.

 

I know it sucks, but focus on you. You'll do fine.

 

I understand what you're saying and no I'm not drunk calling my most recent ex, I was heartbroken at first and did talk to him occasionally for a while but not in the same way as the guy I dated years ago.

 

Do you not think it would even be a good idea to apologise and wish him well?

[j.man]

I understand what you're saying and no I'm not drunk calling my most recent ex, I was heartbroken at first and did talk to him occasionally for a while but not in the same way as the guy I dated years ago.

 

Do you not think it would even be a good idea to apologise and wish him well?

I don't think it would be, no. It sounds like you got to the point of borderline harassing him, if not outright doing so. You're likely a chapter in his life he'd prefer to leave behind and forget altogether. The best apology you can offer is the courtesy of leaving him be.

 

Again, it's not to be mean or to suggest you're still that woman. You just have to kinda put your desire for validation or attention aside and employ some empathy to realize he's done, and for good reason. Nobody's perfect. We all burn bridges. But you move on, take those lessons, and build new ones with new people.

[Sjsldlsksjsh1]

I don't think it would be, no. It sounds like you got to the point of borderline harassing him, if not outright doing so. You're likely a chapter in his life he'd prefer to leave behind and forget altogether. The best apology you can offer is the courtesy of leaving him be.

 

Again, it's not to be mean or to suggest you're still that woman. You just have to kinda put your desire for validation or attention aside and employ some empathy to realize he's done, and for good reason. Nobody's perfect. We all burn bridges. But you move on, take those lessons, and build new ones with new people.

 

I can't lie, I don't cope with breakup well ever. Maybe I am looking for comfort after my latest breakup and this was something I thought could help me.

 

I loved my ex very much and this guy was the only other person I've felt a real connection with apart from him so now I feel very much alone

[Keyman]

I can't lie, I don't cope with breakup well ever. Maybe I am looking for comfort after my latest breakup and this was something I thought could help me.

 

I loved my ex very much and this guy was the only other person I've felt a real connection with apart from him so now I feel very much alone

 

This is what I think you need to spend some time working on: Your need for other people to make you feel happy. Yes, you are alone, but it doesn't have to be all doom and gloom. Get on and do stuff that you want to do until someone new comes along. Really get to know who you are and get to the point where you really enjoy your own company because the more you thrust yourself at the men you are with, the more you need them, the more needy you will become.

[Knight2001]

he will think you're a stalker. the ship has sailed.

[Batya33]

I would leave him alone, 100% especially because your apology is mostly self-serving - an excuse to get in contact again and check if you can have another chance. His silence means he is still not interested. Sorry.

[figureitout23]

I can't lie, I don't cope with breakup well ever. Maybe I am looking for comfort after my latest breakup and this was something I thought could help me.

 

I loved my ex very much and this guy was the only other person I've felt a real connection with apart from him so now I feel very much alone

 

First off, I must say, you have excellent insight.

 

I agree with what you said and had a strong feeling this is what was happening before you even said it.

 

You're probably a relationship jumper. You get over one guy by jumping to the next. Correct?

 

Infact, it wouldn't surprise me if you 'got over' the first guy once the new guy came into your life? Correct?

 

If so, Id say the best thing you can do for yourself is allow yourself to experience this pain. I know it sounds terrible, but right now, it seems like you're looking for a fix to stop the pain now, if you allow yourself to go through the pain, you will, hopefully, realize, as much as it hurts, it will not kill you, you will get through.

[Sjsldlsksjsh1]

First off, I must say, you have excellent insight.

 

I agree with what you said and had a strong feeling this is what was happening before you even said it.

 

You're probably a relationship jumper. You get over one guy by jumping to the next. Correct?

 

Infact, it wouldn't surprise me if you 'got over' the first guy once the new guy came into your life? Correct?

 

If so, Id say the best thing you can do for yourself is allow yourself to experience this pain. I know it sounds terrible, but right now, it seems like you're looking for a fix to stop the pain now, if you allow yourself to go through the pain, you will, hopefully, realize, as much as it hurts, it will not kill you, you will get through.

 

Thank you.

 

I wouldn't say I hop between relationships (this was actually my first ever proper boyfriend) but I do have a problem with not getting any attention or being alone constantly because I get very low.

 

You're probably correct that my ex helped me get over the guy I dated before, I was dating multiple people when I started seeing him because I think I just needed someone.

 

Thank you for your advice and I will try but right now getting through it doesn't seem possible

[highlandman]

I understand why you want to do it, but it won't be as you remember and he won't see you as he did before, - it hurts like hell and you need to focus on you to get passed it. Easier said than done (I know) but you need to distract yourself and look to future options and not the past.

 

What you felt was real, but you will not be able to re-create it.