polarseltzer Posted August 21, 2017 Share Posted August 21, 2017 So I met a guy perhaps 3 weeks ago. We had instant chemistry. I have a bit of an eclectic personality and I have generally found that my partners can keep up with one aspect of my personality, but not with all of my interests. With this guy, he has pretty complimentary interests to my own. Whenever we're together we talk about political theory, recent philosophy books we read, and we have endless debates about these issues. We easily switch from talking about philosophy to sports, and we both have a sort of sarcastic banter. He comes from a great family, and is very successful with his career. He's quite lovely and I very much have enjoyed my time so far. But, here's my issue... He's in his very very early 30s. He hasn't had a girlfriend since college. He "dated" one girl on and off for three years in between college and now that he claims was never a relationship, and she knew this all along. He makes it seem like they mutually stuck around out of convenience. He claims he's capable of committing to a female, he just hasn't met one that matches his intellectual curiosity, that shares similar morals to him, and that he's attracted to. Other than his past, none of his actions give me any indication that he has commitment issues. He's always a perfect gentleman to me, and goes out of his way to talk to me on days we don't see each other. He also makes sure to make time 2-3x a week for me. Is his past a red flag? I teeter back and forth between thinking this is something I shouldn't overlook and that I'm blowing it out of proportion. Thank you! Link to comment
Batya33 Posted August 21, 2017 Share Posted August 21, 2017 I don't think so - and it would depend on why he made those choices. I know of a guy who went on 400 first meets through on line dating (and we dated for about two months!) until he met his wife - and he had few serious relationships, met her in his mid 30s, they are married and from what I see on Facebook are happy. Sometimes it is luck/timing/being the right person to find the right person. I would be more concerned if he hadn't had relationships because he didn't want one/didn't have the general goal of getting married (if you do, not sure) I would just enjoy for now and take things at a reasonable pace. Link to comment
Pleasedonot5 Posted August 21, 2017 Share Posted August 21, 2017 His past is neither a red flag nor an orange flag. If you're doubting your chemistry with him though -- then maybe he's not the one. Go with your gut. Link to comment
polarseltzer Posted August 21, 2017 Author Share Posted August 21, 2017 Definitely not doubting my chemistry with him. It's more that I am so curious about him, that I am afraid that I am missing signs I otherwise wouldn't miss. Thanks for the advice! Link to comment
melancholy123 Posted August 21, 2017 Share Posted August 21, 2017 Doesnt sound like there's any red flags to me. It's only been 3 weeks, give this some time and pay attention to what he says and does with/for you. That's more important than what happened years ago. Link to comment
Sportster2005 Posted August 22, 2017 Share Posted August 22, 2017 Don't go looking for trouble, where none exists. Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted August 22, 2017 Share Posted August 22, 2017 The only thing that would be a red flag is if he was still active with his ages long eff buddy. He "dated" one girl on and off for three years in between college and now Link to comment
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