The joke of online dating

[SherrySher]

I know, some people don't agree with me, but I have to say this anyhow. Please, be cautious. You can find profiles that look very nice and the pics are nice and they seem like exactly who you were hoping to meet. But they can be married or single and not serious. They can seem so sweet but end up being manipulative and liars and so on.

I know, it sounds very dismal and not everyone has bad luck like that. Once in a blue moon someone actually finds a genuine decent person online, but I am being truthful when I say it is very difficult.

Take things slow, don't believe everything someone tells you or take it with a grain of salt until you really spend a lot of time with them and know them quite well. Watch for any red flags and believe them don't dismiss them.

I am only trying to be a voice of reason here.

On this site alone there is thousands of stories of heartache from phonies that people have found and "fell in love with" online.

I guess basically what it comes down to is, take care of yourself and be careful.

[csdude55]

I did chat with one "girl" that seemed totally legit. I live in a small town, and her profile had her in another small town about 45 minutes from me. She was pretty but not unrealistic, she was sweet and friendly, she sent a video and several pics (which I reverse searched on Google, of course)...

 

Then after 2 or 3 days of chatting, she said "I love you". OK, that was weird.

 

The next day she was talking about how much she missed me when I was busy and couldn't chat... ooookay?

 

The next day she told me that she really needed my help, she was going to a job interview and needed to get her hair fixed, etc. Can she please have $300? lol

 

At that point I knew it was a scammer, most likely a 30 year old man in Nigeria, so I played around a little. I said, "sure, just let me know where you want to meet and I'll bring it to you". She said something like, "oh, no, I want our first meeting to be magical!" I thought that was pretty slick.

 

I replied with, "no, no, don't worry about that! We'll make a great day of it... I'll take you to get your hair fixed, we'll go shopping, I'll take you to a nice dinner... just let me know where to go. We can even meet at a restaurant or something so it won't be weird."

 

She had some other excuse, I forget what. After that, I got bored of toying with the scammer.

 

Point being... you gotta be careful, scammers are getting more and more slick!

 

And about POF specifically... I've never used it, but MTV's "Catfish" regularly say that when someone says they met someone on POF, it's an automatic red flag.

[figureitout23]

I did chat with one "girl" that seemed totally legit. I live in a small town, and her profile had her in another small town about 45 minutes from me. She was pretty but not unrealistic, she was sweet and friendly, she sent a video and several pics (which I reverse searched on Google, of course)...

 

Then after 2 or 3 days of chatting, she said "I love you". OK, that was weird.

 

The next day she was talking about how much she missed me when I was busy and couldn't chat... ooookay?

 

The next day she told me that she really needed my help, she was going to a job interview and needed to get her hair fixed, etc. Can she please have $300? lol

 

At that point I knew it was a scammer, most likely a 30 year old man in Nigeria, so I played around a little. I said, "sure, just let me know where you want to meet and I'll bring it to you". She said something like, "oh, no, I want our first meeting to be magical!" I thought that was pretty slick.

 

I replied with, "no, no, don't worry about that! We'll make a great day of it... I'll take you to get your hair fixed, we'll go shopping, I'll take you to a nice dinner... just let me know where to go. We can even meet at a restaurant or something so it won't be weird."

 

She had some other excuse, I forget what. After that, I got bored of toying with the scammer.

 

Point being... you gotta be careful, scammers are getting more and more slick!

 

And about POF specifically... I've never used it, but MTV's "Catfish" regularly say that when someone says they met someone on POF, it's an automatic red flag.

 

May I ask what site you're on?

[IAmFCA]

I did chat with one "girl" that seemed totally legit. I live in a small town, and her profile had her in another small town about 45 minutes from me. She was pretty but not unrealistic, she was sweet and friendly, she sent a video and several pics (which I reverse searched on Google, of course)...

 

Then after 2 or 3 days of chatting, she said "I love you". OK, that was weird.

 

The next day she was talking about how much she missed me when I was busy and couldn't chat... ooookay?

 

The next day she told me that she really needed my help, she was going to a job interview and needed to get her hair fixed, etc. Can she please have $300? lol

 

At that point I knew it was a scammer, most likely a 30 year old man in Nigeria, so I played around a little. I said, "sure, just let me know where you want to meet and I'll bring it to you". She said something like, "oh, no, I want our first meeting to be magical!" I thought that was pretty slick.

 

I replied with, "no, no, don't worry about that! We'll make a great day of it... I'll take you to get your hair fixed, we'll go shopping, I'll take you to a nice dinner... just let me know where to go. We can even meet at a restaurant or something so it won't be weird."

 

She had some other excuse, I forget what. After that, I got bored of toying with the scammer.

 

Point being... you gotta be careful, scammers are getting more and more slick!

 

And about POF specifically... I've never used it, but MTV's "Catfish" regularly say that when someone says they met someone on POF, it's an automatic red flag.

 

i hear the humor in your words. Also ths truth.

 

Want to tell you that you have to believe that you will find that you're looking for. And that if you don't know what your looking for, you can't find it. Sometimes dating is about figuring that out.

[Pleasedonot5]

Thanks! I appreciate the wise words. I'll be careful with POF. Usually I can filter out the weird behavior.

 

I have a date with someone from a neighboring town this Saturday afternoon. The fact that we have agreed on a date and have been carrying legitimate conversation is a good sign. No requests for money yet.

 

The second person and I added each other on other social media, and she had a couple of mutual friends so I know she is a legitimate person. She started talking about how she thinks ghosts are talking to her and how "they get mad when I talk back," and though I don't know if she was joking or not, I think that's one of those things I'm not going to toy around with. Lol.

[IAmFCA]

Thanks! I appreciate the wise words. I'll be careful with POF. Usually I can filter out the weird behavior.

 

I have a date with someone from a neighboring town this Saturday afternoon. The fact that we have agreed on a date and have been carrying legitimate conversation is a good sign. No requests for money yet.

 

The second person and I added each other on other social media, and she had a couple of mutual friends so I know she is a legitimate person. She started talking about how she thinks ghosts are talking to her and how "they get mad when I talk back," and though I don't know if she was joking or not, I think that's one of those things I'm not going to toy around with. Lol.

 

The second person... joking right? That sounds like joking to me.

[Pleasedonot5]

I'm not so sure. It got to the point where I'm not sure she was joking haha

[SherrySher]

It's also not just about money.

You can meet people who are really nice and are normal, you could even start to have feelings for them. But they could be married or bored in their relationship. They might even be on a break and not tell you.

Or they could be wanting attention and will get you hooked, only to toss you once you are.

And lastly, there are the sweet and friendly ones who seem like a persons dream come true, but they are sleeping with everyone on the dating sites or are serial dating. You can't tell which are which. The ones doing that are still nice looking, still seem sweet.

 

That's why dating online is hard or dating in general. You sincerely cannot tell the people that are the above and the good ones.

It sucks for the people who are legit and who want a decent and good relationship. And what's worse, a person can spend a fair amount of time getting to know someone, only for it to be another deadbeat or waste of time.

I do sincerely hope that someone turns out to be for you. Its a tough go out there for all. But the best thing you can do is be smart about it all. Know the pitfalls and have a thick skin with it all.

[IAmFCA]

I'm not so sure. It got to the point where I'm not sure she was joking haha

 

Sounds like you may have been talking too much before meeting.

[Pleasedonot5]

In this case, I'm glad I did! haha.

[figureitout23]

In this case, I'm glad I did! haha.

 

My 'he's looking for an excuse not to date her' bell is going off.

 

Why don't you...ASK HER?!?

[IAmFCA]

My 'he's looking for an excuse not to date her' bell is going off.

 

Why don't you...ASK HER?!?

 

Me too. I joke about the woman in my phone. My friend jokes that I am her spouse. We say these things as if they are facts. Life is a metphor. We aren't crazy.

[Pleasedonot5]

I'm sorry... Why do I need to go on a date with every person I talk to online? I mentioned I'm going on a date this Saturday with someone I met on POF.

 

The second person I was referring to - it sounds like we won't mesh well. I'm fairly certain she wasn't joking about talking to ghosts. If she was, it wasn't really funny. She also has no current pictures of herself on social media.

[IAmFCA]

Recent date has a voice that triggers rejection response in me. It is similar to someone in my family who was a violent youngster.

 

I am glad I met him and want to see him again.

[IAmFCA]

I'm sorry... Why do I need to go on a date with every person I talk to online? I mentioned I'm going on a date this Saturday with someone I met on POF.

 

The second person I was referring to - it sounds like we won't mesh well. I'm fairly certain she wasn't joking about talking to ghosts. If she was, it wasn't really funny. She also has no current pictures of herself on social media.

 

Ok so you are following your instincts and that IS good.

 

Youre joking on here in reply to SherrySher with "no requests for money yet" convey a certain cynicism or negativity by highlighting the expectation that other people are bad actors.

 

That underlying attitude will attract negativity, even if it comes out only in friendly ways. If you are a good person, believe that you will attract goodness. BELIEVE it. It changes things.

[figureitout23]

Ok so you are following your instincts and that IS good.

 

Youre joking on here in reply to SherrySher with "no requests for money yet" convey a certain cynicism or negativity by highlighting the expectation that other people are bad actors.

 

That underlying attitude will attract negativity, even if it comes out only in friendly ways. If you are a good person, believe that you will attract goodness. BELIEVE it. It changes things.

 

Thanks for articulating exactly what I wanted to say in response, now I don't have to! Lol.

[coconut5]

I think OLD is great.

People lie about themselves everywhere and I know it's only worse when it's online.

I don't feel comfortable meeting several people per week for a cup of coffee. As a mother of two I would not be investing on a babysitter to meet someone who exchanged two words with me. So I take at least a week before meeting in person and have the opportunity to screen them out if something sounds off.

That said, I may have met only 15 men through OLD (I'm extremely picky), and 80% were amazing men with genuine intentions (dated more than one of them).

My current partner I met at OKC right after I opened my profile (and I agree with OP that the amount of messages are insane. I got over 500 in less than two days), he messaged me multiple times before I was even able to see it.

I talked to three, met one and we are still together almost one year later.

[reinventmyself]

From the replies, I don't recall very many men saying they've had a positive experience. I'm sure that women's experiences are different, because you have your pick of men... randomly select from any of the hundreds of men that sent you a message, and you're good to go. All I can talk about are my own experiences... obviously.

Again. . you are assuming you know what my experience is like. You don't get to see my inbox, so how would you know?

And if men are saying here saying that haven't had a positive experience.. . then out of the 100's of emails I am supposedly receiving, I am meeting men after all.

Not women.

So somethin' is working for somebody.

 

But it's not for everyone. . I get that

[figureitout23]

 

My current partner I met at OKC right after I opened my profile (and I agree with OP that the amount of messages are insane. I got over 500 in less than two days), he messaged me multiple times before I was even able to see it.

 

Far be it for me to call you a liar but how is that even statistically possible? How wide of a net are you throwing out? Let's say you live in a major city. Cut the number of single individuals in half, cut it in half again for single males, take another percentage off for age and another for attraction, then another off for the single men in your age group who actually date online. There wouldn't even be 500 men available. Did every single single man in your age group in your area message you in those two days? Hell you'd have to add some who aren't even online to reach 500. Sorry, it's just not believable. Hell, I don't know about paid sites but I know free ones start deleting old inbox messages after you reach a certain number.

[lostandhurt]

Wow that was a lot to read!

 

There are simple truths in life and one of them is: If what you are doing isn't working try something else.

 

In this case try different dating sites. Use a paid site to weed out scammers, convicts, catfishing, losers and just plain ole weirdo's. Will it elimate all of them? NO it will not but it will reduce the number.

 

When you try a new site like match get help writing a good profile. There are plenty of women on here that would help you write in a way that gets their attention and portrays you in a light that is positive and honest. (trust me you do not come off that way here)

 

Also get help picking out profile pictures. Let women pick the ones you should use. Remember they know what they like and don't like.

 

In this forum you have a wonderful opportunity to get help from the audience you are trying to attract so avail yourself of them and stop complaining.

 

Get off Tinder and Bumble and onto more relationship minded dating sites.

 

For the record in the past I have done fairly well using online dating and met probably more than my share of REAL women. I see the frustration in your words so step back a little, regroup and decide if a break from trying to meet someone is on order.

 

Good luck

 

Lost

[lostandhurt]

Far be it for me to call you a liar but how is that even statistically possible? How wide of a net are you throwing out? Let's say you live in a major city. Cut the number of single individuals in half, cut it in half again for single males, take another percentage off for age and another for attraction, then another off for the single men in your age group who actually date online. There wouldn't even be 500 men available. Did every single single man in your age group in your area message you in those two days? Hell you'd have to add some who aren't even online to reach 500. Sorry, it's just not believable. Hell, I don't know about paid sites but I know free ones start deleting old inbox messages after you reach a certain number.

 

I have spoken to some women that received at least 200 messages a day for the first few weeks when they first signed up to a site and we don't live in a huge area. A friend of mine that is pretty but not gorgeous got over 350 messages in 24 hours when she first signed up. It happens...

 

Lost

[mustlovedogs]

And see I'm a female and I'm lucky to get maybe 2 messages a week.

 

Think on the other end of the spectrum. I'm not some gorgeous model, so I get no attention.

[figureitout23]

And see I'm a female and I'm lucky to get maybe 2 messages a week.

 

Think on the other end of the spectrum. I'm not some gorgeous model, so I get no attention.

 

I'm no model either but I'm far from ugly and the most message I've gotten in one day is like 6.

[figureitout23]

I have spoken to some women that received at least 200 messages a day for the first few weeks when they first signed up to a site and we don't live in a huge area. A friend of mine that is pretty but not gorgeous got over 350 messages in 24 hours when she first signed up. It happens...

 

Lost

 

Again I ask, how is that statistically possible? I'm being serious. Does that really make sense to you? Do you really think there are hundred upon hundreds of men waiting for a woman, apparently any woman, to come online just so they can try to date her? Within a 25 mile radius... they just happen to all be online on a Wednesday afternoon and they all message her...

 

If online dating had that hard of a curve for men why are there so many women here upset because the guy they're dating is dating other women online or don't want to commit or whatever if it was that hard to get a date... does not add up. The facts don't match the evidence. I'm not saying it's impossible just HIGHLY, HIGHLY unlikely.

[mustlovedogs]

I'm no model either but I'm far from ugly and the most message I've gotten in one day is like 6.

 

I get more messages when I change my profile picture and am active, so 6 in one day would be about my peak too. And that seems normal. I just don't get why men say women get hundreds. Who knows.