The joke of online dating

[IAmFCA]

If you got money that's true, unfortunately

Not everyone's walking around with millions and for us commoners there exists leagues and you can trust and believe, I don't give dudes beneath my league the time of day. I don't feel bad about it, dudes above my leaugue arent giving me the time of day, it's life, attraction matters, lying to oneself doesn't change that.

 

attraction is the result of many factors, only one of which is physical. money helps. looks help. the most important thing is enjoying and respecting one another, and without that, looks and money only get you so far.

[Coolstorybro]

its got everything to do with both the quoted post, and the topic of on line dating, as well as the supposition that people's lives have a predetermined set ofimitations.

What you edited in later you mean? Not the irrelevant anecdote about some senior citizens sex life.

 

Predetermined limitations is a fact of life, does it make you feel uncomfortable? Then again nothing I wrote had to do with predetermined limitations.

 

given that you've used nearly the same retort for several different posts, i understand this thread may deal in nuance that is beyond your grasp. Pity; I'm of no use helping you with that fundamental issue.

It's my problem that some posters have trouble sticking to the subject? Sure thing sunshine.

[JeffBur]

Online dating never worked out for me.

[IAmFCA]

What you edited in later you mean? Not the irrelevant anecdote about some senior citizens sex life.

 

Predetermined limitations is a fact of life, does it make you feel uncomfortable? Then again nothing I wrote had to do with predetermined limitations.

 

the seniors anecdote indeed has a purpose. it would seem unlikely that they would have such adventurous private lives, but they do. same as it may seem unlikely that single parents - mothers, it was written - would find companionship, but they do.

 

two examples of people living lives that others wouldnt guess, one of which is in specific contrast to the assertion that single mothers end up alone.

 

such an assertion is an example of the idea that people - single mothers, in this case - are subject to intractable limitations. That idea is simply untrue. Examples of people who overcome limitations are all around us. Tbe para-olympics. The romance between Julia Roberts and Lyle Lovett, or Paulina Poritzkova and Ric Okasic. The personal accomplishments of my jet owning friend, who was raised to slaughter pigs, stands only a hair taller than i, and yet ended up a professional athlete with an ivy league degree and a multinational corporation.

 

Our greatest limitation is within ourselves.

[IAmFCA]

What you edited in later you mean? Not the irrelevant anecdote about some senior citizens sex life.

 

Predetermined limitations is a fact of life, does it make you feel uncomfortable? Then again nothing I wrote had to do with predetermined limitations.

 

It's my problem that some posters have trouble sticking to the subject? Sure thing sunshine.

 

PS

The first love of my life called me sunshine, and meant it.

[csdude55]

Hey! It's you! You're back with a new profile! The answers remain the same my friend. So did you actually decide to try online dating?

 

Sorry, don't remember you? This is my only profile, though, so maybe I just sound like someone else.

 

 

I like how you throw in your friends weight, as if that should make her unworthy of attention.

 

Nope, just pointing out that she's not an unbelievably gorgeous supermodel to have received such a large response. I'm sorry if that offended you.

 

 

Whatever happened to meeting people in real life?

 

Sadly, this seems to be a dead concept. Where does one go to meet single adults? A bar? Church? (haha)

 

 

Online dating has jumped the shark. Heaven forbid you should be expected to write something beyond "hey" and be interesting and know how to carry on a conversation. Life's just not fair.

 

I actually get your point, but the problem is that we're expected to do this thousands of times, with no response. Women can't be expected to read and reply to hundreds of messages, that's obvious. But men shouldn't be expected to send out hundreds of messages, either.

 

The "swipe right" concept made more sense originally, but as far as I can tell, most women don't bother going through the list. They create a profile, put something in the description like "message me on Snapchat", and that's it, it's over.

 

I used to read the profiles before swiping right, but it's just too much time when the wide majority are dead profiles. I don't even bother to look at the pictures anymore; I just swipe right on everything, wait for the girl to see it and match, THEN I'll read the profile and decide whether I want to move forward.

 

 

The real reason why online dating isn't working out for you is either that no one wants you, or that you only want to talk to women that are clearly out of your league.

 

You're probably right, clearly nobody wants me. On a side note, do you think there are a lot of people out there that are in a relationship with someone they find physically unattractive, but accept it because they know it's the best they can hope for? That makes me really very sad

 

 

Judging from your attitude, I don't think you're mature enough to use online dating sites, or to even meet women in the first place.

 

I have to ask... what attitude did I portray? Because I'm complaining about the general concept? Or are you just like this to everyone?

 

 

Have you ever heard of the MGTOW movement?

I think you'd feel right at home with its members.

 

Nope, never heard of it.

 

 

The amount of men on these site far out weigh the women. Online dating is for women. Those who use it are either after cheap thrills or they've woken up to the harsh reality they're going to be alone for the rest of their lives; e.g. single mothers.

 

I mostly agree, online dating works great for women that need an ego boost, and if they really want a man then they get the pick of the litter. I disagree, though, that single mothers are less desirable; in fact, I tend to consider it an asset. I consider being a good mom to be a very attractive quality in a woman. And if she has a good relationship with the father, that just means we have a built-in babysitter

 

 

You think women have a great time with OLD..think again!! It's a huge waste of time for us too and more messages mean more jerks who will waste our time. So give me a break on how it is so easy for women. I'm sorry to sound so angry but you are a jerk who thinks you have it so rough and us women have it swimmingly when it couldn't be further form the truth.

 

Are you talking to me or Coolstorybro? I never said that women have it easy, I'm just writing from a man's perspective. I'm sure it's just as useless for you, which takes me back to the subject of the thread: online dating is a joke.

 

But as I mentioned before, it has to at least be a nice little ego boost for you to get those hundreds of messages from men that find you physically attractive. We don't even get that, we mostly just get ignored.

[Coolstorybro]

the seniors anecdote indeed has a purpose. it would seem unlikely that they would have such adventurous private lives, but they do. same as it may seem unlikely that single parents - mothers, it was written - would find companionship, but they do.

Wow. It really went way over your head didn't it? Single parents are on dating sites because of the reality of ending up alone.

In fact many of them lower their standards because now they're competing with younger childless singles. Yet any other day they wouldn't give you a second thought.

 

two examples of people living lives that others wouldnt guess, one of which is in specific contrast to the assertion that single mothers end up alone.

There is no short supply of the desperate.

 

such an assertion is an example of the idea that people - single mothers, in this case - are subject to intractable limitations. That idea is simply untrue. Examples of people who overcome limitations are all around us. Tbe para-olympics. The romance between Julia Roberts and Lyle Lovett, or Paulina Poritzkova and Ric Okasic. The personal accomplishments of my jet owning friend, who was raised to slaughter pigs, stands only a hair taller than i, and yet ended up a professional athlete with an ivy league degree and a multinational corporation.

 

Our greatest limitation is within ourselves.

And in the end they will all be forgotten as if they never existed. That's a limitation you have no chance against.

[IAmFCA]

OP

 

on line is one way to have access to a broad array of introductions. if what we seek is narrow, it feels like an even bigger haystack. it is logical; most people are not our match so of course it takes a lot of trial and error.

 

i have 4 men i think about: 2 i met on line. 2 i met in real life. of those two, one i met at an athletic event in which we both were participants. the other i met through work; i still don't know if we were set up or if it just turned out that we met. re church... i almost dated a man from my church, actually. but then i saw that he smokes and i won't date smokers. nothing ever came of it, not even coffee.

 

do what interests you, and make conversation. it leads to progress no matter what happens.

[Coolstorybro]

I mostly agree, online dating works great for women that need an ego boost, and if they really want a man then they get the pick of the litter. I disagree, though, that single mothers are less desirable; in fact, I tend to consider it an asset. I consider being a good mom to be a very attractive quality in a woman. And if she has a good relationship with the father, that just means we have a built-in babysitter

They have to compete with the younger childless singles. Because of this some will lower their standards, people they'd ignore are now potential partners because their usual selection aren't interested. They're opportunists.

[IAmFCA]

Wow. It really went way over your head didn't it? Single parents are on dating sites because of the reality of ending up alone.

In fact many of them lower their standards because now they're competing with younger childless singles. Yet any other day they wouldn't give you a second thought.

 

There is no short supply of the desperate.

 

And in the end they will all be forgotten as if they never existed. That's a limitation you have no chance against.

 

i repeat

 

our greatest limitation is that which is within ourselves.

 

while you deal with yours, i will deal with mine, about which you assume much and know little.

 

re single mothers... there also are single fathers. and men who wish they were fathers and are glad to find a mate with a family. there are men who don't want any (more) kids and aren't interested in women who might want to make some new ones. there are women who date younger men, older men, men with no childten. perhaps single fathers are afraid?

 

in truth, in every group of population, whatever demographic, some are afraid of being alone and some aren't. that fear derives from within us and is not the result of having children or any other externality. it results from feeling unlovable, which is a challenge many face at any age, stage of life, and regardless of gender.

 

there are as many kinds of people as there are people. i am not competing with anyone. i am not competing with a younger woman with no children; that is silly. if someone wants her and for those reasons, then he isn't my match anyway. as a single mother, a woman, a person, i don't compete. i am being me. if you are my guy, then eventually we will figure that out and stick together. its pretty simple really.

[IAmFCA]

They have to compete with the younger childless singles. Because of this some will lower their standards, people they'd ignore are now potential partners because their usual selection aren't interested. They're opportunists.

 

disagree fully. and men tell me differently as well. some men don't want the younger woman. some want a mate who appreciates what it means to put one's kids first. some want a woman who has established herself in her career and can be a peer in that regard.

 

people are not tubes of toothpaste that we compare on a checklist, nor would we all want the same toothpaste, even if we were such objects.

 

certainly there are men who have chosen not to pursue me for reasons i can't change. i have kids. i support outsized expenses for them. i have a job that demands my time and attention. i am older than many. if you dont want that, fine. others do and will.

[Coolstorybro]

i repeat

 

our greatest limitation is that which is within ourselves.

 

while you deal with yours, i will deal with mine, about which you assume much and know little.

You can pretend all day long. There are limitations you don't have a chance in hell of over coming.

 

re single mothers... there also are single fathers. and men who wish they were fathers and are glad to find a mate with a family. there are men who don't want any (more) kids and aren't interested in women who might want to make some new ones. there are women who date younger men, older men, men with no childten. perhaps single fathers are afraid?

Of course there are single fathers, everything I've said applies to them. However the fact remains online dating is in favour of women with online dating is full of desperate men.

 

in truth, in every group of population, whatever demographic, some are afraid of being alone and some aren't. that fear derives from within us and is not the result of having children or any other externality. it results from feeling unlovable, which is a challenge many face at any age, stage of life, and regardless of gender.

When people find you undesirable that reality becomes more apparent.

[IAmFCA]

You can pretend all day long. There are limitations you don't have a chance in hell of over coming.

 

Of course there are single fathers, everything I've said applies to them. However the fact remains online dating is in favour of women with online dating is full of desperate men.

 

When people find you undesirable that reality becomes more apparent.

 

do you find yourself undesirable?

[Coolstorybro]

disagree fully. and men tell me differently as well. some men don't want the younger woman. some want a mate who appreciates what it means to put one's kids first. some want a woman who has established herself in her career and can be a peer in that regard.

Younger people have a bigger selection, younger and childless even bigger.

 

It has to be glaringly obvious when a man who is usually ignored by women is being messaged by mostly single mothers, what's really going on. He is a back up or rebound.

[Coolstorybro]

do you find yourself undesirable?

To an extent. Online dating does not give the feeling of being desired unless someone wants something from you, namely attention.

[SherrySher]

Yes, and it's like that one both sides for both men and women.

[IAmFCA]

To an extent. Online dating does not give the feeling of being desired unless someone wants something from you, namely attention.

 

so if a single mother messages you, you assume she wants to use you for a temporary ego boost?

 

it might be easier if you think only about whether you are interested in the person messaging you. judging other people's motivations is a risky business with a high degree of error.

 

if you are interested in only a serious relationship, and have zero interest in someone older or with kids, then limit your profile and/or decline requests as needed.

 

i am friends with single women who date younger men and would date them seriously if it worked out that way. They date older men too; they date whomever interests them, because they can. Single mothers of a certain age get hit up by very young men; we assume it is because they think we are hard up and an easy, knowledgable lay. (sorry to be crude) But I know a young man who is 26, 27. He often dates women who are 15+ years older. He has been around older adults all of his life. He has been on stage most of his life. It is normal to him to date ... whomever. He is used to being watched, to being different, to working with older adults. To double his age and cross races etc is no big deal.

 

We don't really know why people like us. I have no interest in a younger man and automatically filter those requests out of my inbox. i don't care if they like me or just want sex or are pretending to be someone they are not. They are not my problem.

 

So... why worry about other people reaching out to you; you don't control other people.

 

If you want to introduce yourself to someone, and they like you back, I hope you take that on face value. And if they fade away, I hope you take that on face value too. Neither is a valid nor important indicator of your value. We aren't better or worse than one another. We are only better or worse matches for one another.

[Seraphim]

"Sadly, this seems to be a dead concept. Where does one go to meet single adults? A bar? Church? (haha) "

 

I met mine at University .

 

Now I'm going to assume that most people leave the house every day . I still don't understand how if people leave the house every day and talk to at least a few human beings in the course of a daytime that they can't find someone interesting .

[Seraphim]

i repeat

 

our greatest limitation is that which is within ourselves.

 

while you deal with yours, i will deal with mine, about which you assume much and know little.

 

re single mothers... there also are single fathers. and men who wish they were fathers and are glad to find a mate with a family. there are men who don't want any (more) kids and aren't interested in women who might want to make some new ones. there are women who date younger men, older men, men with no childten. perhaps single fathers are afraid?

 

in truth, in every group of population, whatever demographic, some are afraid of being alone and some aren't. that fear derives from within us and is not the result of having children or any other externality. it results from feeling unlovable, which is a challenge many face at any age, stage of life, and regardless of gender.

 

there are as many kinds of people as there are people. i am not competing with anyone. i am not competing with a younger woman with no children; that is silly. if someone wants her and for those reasons, then he isn't my match anyway. as a single mother, a woman, a person, i don't compete. i am being me. if you are my guy, then eventually we will figure that out and stick together. its pretty simple really.

 

Yes, I don't understand my brother is a single dad. He has women coming out his ears and never used a dating site, ever. He just uses the real life method .

[Coolstorybro]

so if a single mother messages you, you assume she wants to use you for a temporary ego boost?

 

it might be easier if you think only about whether you are interested in the person messaging you. judging other people's motivations is a risky business with a high degree of error.

Oh BS. When 99% of the people messaging you are single parents it becomes quite obvious what's going on.

[IAmFCA]

Oh BS. When 99% of the people messaging you are single parents it becomes quite obvious what's going on.

 

you see what you choose to see.

 

you might consider other factors at work, such as the proportion of women in your search critetia (age, distance etc) who are parents.

 

You also might consider that some of them would legitimately like to know more about you as an individual and not just for an ego boost.

 

Finally, take the ego boost they are giving you. Its free. Or dismiss their attention as a neutral, non-event. Whatever it is, it isn't negative. They don't know you; liking you is at best a validation that your profile is attractive and interesting, and at worst, their attention is meaningless. It is not in any way a diminishment of who you are; they don't know who you are.

[IAmFCA]

In the event my post sounds dismissive: I t would have been accurate and better to have said -

 

You see what you want to see; we all do.

 

We all have a filter. Sometimes, we use it to gather and record negative experiences as opposed to positive ones. I grew up always, constantly, putting down my looks. In so many ways. My kids just found a picture of me in a fashion show. I had forgotten. I was amazed to see me; I would never had told you that I looked like that. My filter was certain to send back to me all of my shortcomings. As a result, I do not remember being pretty. I would never say that I was pretty, then or now, actually. Am learning to give myself positive feedback.

 

Your story about having all of these women whom you do not want... there is positive in that. And then, so as to not waste your energy, just hide/delete/block/swipe. Move on.

 

Good luck out there. I am running 50/50 OLD v IRL. It can be a slog. It seems to me we go through dry spells and busy seasons. If it isn't feeling good, then do something else. The OLD resources can work for you. When we find ourselves feeling resentment, anger, frustration... when we are judging others... that is when we need to take a break. That negative energy shows itself in ways we may not notice, other people pick up on it, and we attract negative people and bad experiences. Wait until you feel happy again, and reconsider trying OLD then.

[csdude55]

Now I'm going to assume that most people leave the house every day . I still don't understand how if people leave the house every day and talk to at least a few human beings in the course of a daytime that they can't find someone interesting .

 

The last 3 girls I connected with were waitresses, because those are literally the only women I see throughout the day. All 3 were single moms, but were really too young for me, anyway.

 

There are very few single and age-appropriate women at the gym, and I don't really frequent a bar or anything (not that I would consider this a good place to actually meet someone). I have a very small handful of female friends, but none that have expressed interested in setting me up with anyone.

 

And at 41 years old with a full time career, I have no interest in going back to college... and sincerely doubt that I would meet a single and age-appropriate woman there if I did. Unless she's a professor, maybe! lol

 

So yeah, I'm thinking... hermit. Definitely hermit.

[Seraphim]

The last 3 girls I connected with were waitresses, because those are literally the only women I see throughout the day. All 3 were single moms, but were really too young for me, anyway.

 

There are very few single and age-appropriate women at the gym, and I don't really frequent a bar or anything (not that I would consider this a good place to actually meet someone). I have a very small handful of female friends, but none that have expressed interested in setting me up with anyone.

 

And at 41 years old with a full time career, I have no interest in going back to college... and sincerely doubt that I would meet a single and age-appropriate woman there if I did. Unless she's a professor, maybe! lol

 

So yeah, I'm thinking... hermit. Definitely hermit.

 

My brother is 47 with a 16 hour a day career and 3 teenage daughters he has no troubles finding women to date. Seriously.

[JaggerJim]

You think women have a great time with OLD..think again!! It's a huge waste of time for us too and more messages mean more jerks who will waste our time. So give me a break on how it is so easy for women. I'm sorry to sound so angry but you are a jerk who thinks you have it so rough and us women have it swimmingly when it couldn't be further form the truth.

 

The men on OLD sites are one of three categories:

 

1.) Married and wanting to lie and cheat

2.) Single and want to lie and sleep with women without the commitment

3.) Losers who never grew up and never learnt how to be decent to women and be decent in a relationship.

 

I would say by the sounds of it you fall into category number 3.

 

Why is he a Jerk? It didn't come across that way to me.