Jusjess Posted July 30, 2017 Share Posted July 30, 2017 So over the past month my husband has been starting to get violent. He punched a few holes in my walls and pushed me around here and there. In the 4 years we have been together we never fought like this. I have a feeling he is doing meth and i know he is poping pills. Yesterday he flipped out pulled my hair, broke our babys crib tryed to break my car window and tore up our house tossing things about. I was able to get away with all the kids and when i returned to see the conditio. Of the house and my oldest son threnting to move out if i didn't do anything about it. I called the cops and he was arrested. Hes been in jail for two days and phoned me that night asking me why i did that to him. And then he hung up. Im so hurt and kinda regret calling the cops. I want our marriage to work this is not him he is the sweetest guy ever i dont know what happend advise please. Link to comment
LaHermes Posted July 30, 2017 Share Posted July 30, 2017 Jusjess: He most certainly is not! "he is the sweetest guy ever " Jail is the place for him and it is to be hoped he will get in there the help he so badly needs. He is violent. If you won't think of yourself then think of your children. Link to comment
Cope Posted July 30, 2017 Share Posted July 30, 2017 There are groups of people who help spouses of abusive husbands. This is serious and can end in life threatening situations. You should call their hotline. Focus on keeping you and your children safe first, then you can concentrate on your marriage if you ll still want to. Are you sure there were no signs? My ex was SUPER sweet, had horrible anger issues. It only matters as to you wanting to save your marriage. Still, meth? You think he's doing it? Is your relationship really worth saving? Mine our guesses, but please get professional help, people in these groups I've heard are extremely helpful. Link to comment
RoonilWaslib Posted July 30, 2017 Share Posted July 30, 2017 First of all, good on you for seeking help. I'm sure this was not an easy experience to write about, so be proud of yourself for taking this step for you and your children. Do you have a safe place to go and take your kids? I don't know what area you live in, but there are shelters to go to if you have nowhere else. Unfortunately this is not going to stop. Have you been in a violent relationship before this? This is a cycle that will only get worse for you and your children as long as you stay. Please reach out to any family or friends that can help you. Preferably someone who is not likely to "side" with him and who will focus on helping you. Your main priority right now should be safety. Then once you've secured that, you can move forward with how best to handle this situation for you and your kids. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted July 30, 2017 Share Posted July 30, 2017 Get to a safe place with your kids. Pronto. Link to comment
Jusjess Posted July 30, 2017 Author Share Posted July 30, 2017 Yes i have been in an abusive relationship for ten years with my first husband. The man i am married to now is 13 years younger than me. He is 22 and when we met and up until last month he was the best father the best husband he did anything and everything for me and my children. We have 2 in common and i have 4 previous. He never showed any signs of anger not so much as shouting. A month ago i started working and he mentioned how he was insecure and also a month ago he met a neighbor who i found out uses meth and takes pills like norco and other ones everytime he was over there he would come back and i could tell he was on something he would just denie it. He started calling me names saying that he was depressed and he didnt want to do anything anymore he lost intrest in everything. It came as a suprise to me and it really hurts because this is the same man that took care of my dad after a stroke and took care of me adter my medical issues. Im so hurt and confused but i know that i cant continue to live like this. I miss the man i married not the man that did this to me. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted July 30, 2017 Share Posted July 30, 2017 Your kids deserve to not be abused watching you be abused. He is now a drug addict. Time to get out. Link to comment
RoonilWaslib Posted July 30, 2017 Share Posted July 30, 2017 Yes i have been in an abusive relationship for ten years with my first husband. The man i am married to now is 13 years younger than me. He is 22 and when we met and up until last month he was the best father the best husband he did anything and everything for me and my children. We have 2 in common and i have 4 previous. He never showed any signs of anger not so much as shouting. A month ago i started working and he mentioned how he was insecure and also a month ago he met a neighbor who i found out uses meth and takes pills like norco and other ones everytime he was over there he would come back and i could tell he was on something he would just denie it. He started calling me names saying that he was depressed and he didnt want to do anything anymore he lost intrest in everything. It came as a suprise to me and it really hurts because this is the same man that took care of my dad after a stroke and took care of me adter my medical issues. Im so hurt and confused but i know that i cant continue to live like this. I miss the man i married not the man that did this to me. I know you miss the man he was, but that man does not exist. He has ALWAYS had it in him to abuse you, it just took him a while to start. Since you have been through this before, you know what I meant when I said it would not stop. Staying means that you and your kids will suffer immeasurably. Please, seek out a safe place NOW. Don't worry about the rest until you are in a safe place. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted July 30, 2017 Share Posted July 30, 2017 I can tell you I have PTSD because my mom stayed with my abusive dad too long. As much as I adore my mom I don't thank her for that. Do you want to lose your eldest child? Link to comment
Jusjess Posted July 30, 2017 Author Share Posted July 30, 2017 So true..he even said it himself..that it will never be THE same. So sad and i guess im mad at myself for believing this man was not like the others. I honestly thought he lived me more than anything. He had a past of being in foster care and being abused himself. So sad that its come to this. I wish it was a nightmare not a reality😳 Link to comment
Seraphim Posted July 30, 2017 Share Posted July 30, 2017 Be proud you got out and now stay gone. Link to comment
RoonilWaslib Posted July 30, 2017 Share Posted July 30, 2017 So true..he even said it himself..that it will never be THE same. So sad and i guess im mad at myself for believing this man was not like the others. I honestly thought he lived me more than anything. He had a past of being in foster care and being abused himself. So sad that its come to this. I wish it was a nightmare not a reality😳 Those who have been abused tend to repeat those abusive relationships with different partners. It's nothing you've done wrong, so you shouldn't be mad at yourself. It's just the pattern of domestic abuse. The good news is that you have it within you to break that pattern. The first step is getting out of this relationship. Then, refrain from getting involved romantically with anyone until you've been in therapy/support groups for a while. Probably a long while. It will take quite some time to build your self esteem enough to seek out the type of partner who will treat you with the respect you deserve. Link to comment
Jusjess Posted July 30, 2017 Author Share Posted July 30, 2017 No i dont and thats the reason i called the police because my oldest was tired of seeing the violence and he has also had to deal with the 10 year relationship i was in. My kids mean everything to me and thats the reason for the decesion. I guess im just holding on to past memories and missing that. My support circle is very small i dont speak to my mom and times like this i wish i did😳 its so hard because i know the worst pain is yet to come. When he gets out of jail im unsure of what he is going to be like, how hes going to act and if hes going to contact me. Our daughter is 3 and our son just turned one, my daughter is a daddys girl and its hard for her already. How to you tell a 3 year old that its for the best. Lifes tuff when we have unexpected changes Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted July 30, 2017 Share Posted July 30, 2017 he is the sweetest guy ever Maybe he was once, but now he is an addict and an abuser. What if your baby had been in the crib when he broke it up? Your children are threatening to leave you if you don't leave him. That is not something people do lightly. It means they are willing to walk away from you. Please protect your children and yourself. Don't fall for his weasel words. Google cycle of abuse. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted July 31, 2017 Share Posted July 31, 2017 How can you keep your kids or yourself in this environment??? Get out! does this guy have a job? Link to comment
Hollyj Posted July 31, 2017 Share Posted July 31, 2017 No i dont and thats the reason i called the police because my oldest was tired of seeing the violence and he has also had to deal with the 10 year relationship i was in. My kids mean everything to me and thats the reason for the decesion. I guess im just holding on to past memories and missing that. My support circle is very small i dont speak to my mom and times like this i wish i did😳 its so hard because i know the worst pain is yet to come. When he gets out of jail im unsure of what he is going to be like, how hes going to act and if hes going to contact me. Our daughter is 3 and our son just turned one, my daughter is a daddys girl and its hard for her already. How to you tell a 3 year old that its for the best. Lifes tuff when we have unexpected changes I would bet that it's even harder to see a drug addicted parent, use their mother as a punching bag, and who also tears up the home. What your children are witnessing has lifelong effects. Don't make your children responsible for your poor choices in men. Have you sought any counselling? Link to comment
Jusjess Posted July 31, 2017 Author Share Posted July 31, 2017 Yes he does work we own a company. But scence tje drugs started his cousion has taken over for him. I am in the process of seeking counsling. And this is all so fresh im still in shock that he did this. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted July 31, 2017 Share Posted July 31, 2017 I bet it is. He must have some history with this? I don't think that people suddenly start popping pills, and doing meth all of a sudden. Link to comment
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