Amelie8 Posted July 17, 2017 Share Posted July 17, 2017 I have seen this forum before and figured now is a good time to try it out. I am in need of some unbiased advice, of something that has troubled me for quite some time. Background story: I am an only child of the result of an affair (my father was a married man, my mom being the other woman). I had a wonderful relationship with my dad who died in my teenage years. My mom I lived with and did have a decent relationship, but I am starting to see most of it was because I obeyed her immensely. After my dad died we had trouble, and I avoided confrontation as best I could. My dad left me a trust, in which mom used often for "me"....she bought many things that she always wanted. The home she lives in now and the car she drives are direct results of that trust. None went to my college, vehicle or living expenses, when I was on my own, only when I was with her. Fast forward to late 20's, I have a lot of resentment towards her. I realize how much stress she causes me. I am married with my own house, pregnant, and enjoying what I have built literally on my own. We fight nearly every conversation. I am the ungrateful child, of whom she did everything in her power to make me happy. One thing we fight about constantly is how much time I spend with her. She would like me to spend the night at her house at least a couple times a month. I am not able to do that often because of my job, and I have explained that soooo many times. She will say she will be patient but then the emotional blackmail starts. How I am so selfish, and how her retired neighbors keep asking about me because they never see me. If I don't call every day (or a few times a day), the blackmail begins. I have finally set boundaries, of which include if she starts to be negative, I will not speak to her for a time. That turns into how I treat her so badly, and how everything is on my terms. I will tell her it is on my terms because she doesn't respect boundaries. One response from her about that was "I don't stop by unannounced." She doesn't realize that this is not physical boundaries but emotional ones that are set into place. My stress levels are through the roof with her, even when I don't come over! The last thing she said to me is that everything that she owns will go to charity when she dies, because I put no effort into her (everything that came out of my trust when I was a teen). I have come to a point where I want her to just go, get rid of whatever it is, and leave my family alone. I am afraid she will treat the coming baby this way once it has a mind of its own (as she did once I got a mind of my own). The main issue is, I feel so guilty for even feeling this way. This is the woman who birthed me and fed me. But she also hurt me so badly throughout my life both physically and mentally. Now that I am standing up for myself, her arsenal of blackmail is like a thorn in my heart, because I partially believe it. I would like to know how others have dealt with it, with close family members. I am a fairly strong minded person....until it comes to her. I am standing my ground, and very close to cutting contact because of her behavior. Is it justified to cut contact with her? But how do I myself deal with the internal turmoil that comes with it? I have considered counseling, and will be seeking that out, but I want to hear from others that know exactly how it feels. Thanks so much in advance if you answer. Link to comment
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