My husband sucks sometimes

[abitbroken]

If your husband has said "i can either go on a vacation with you or i can take time off to see your relatives --- i can't do both" - why are you not JUMPING on this and choosing for the two of you to see your relatives together? Are you wanting to continue the narrative of "he never goes to see them" and want him to go above and beyond in a major gesture? So you have some choosing to do. Be clear --- and jump on his offer. Forego your vacation. Hold him to it

[Marshmellow12]

You CLEARLY didn't read the whole post 🙄

I told him I would rather go visit my family than go on vacation. The problem was that he then suddenly couldn't do either one. No vacation. No family visit.

[itsallgrand]

I'm not sure what advise you'd like when you know what his priorities are. You married knowing this is how he is. Why would he change now?

[lostandhurt]

This is very fixable but HE needs to see that it is a big problem for YOU.

 

Talk to him. Explain how this makes you feel and how you are growing apart because of it and that you don't think OUR marriage can survive if things continue the way they are. Offer marriage counseling and see what happens.

 

Unfortunately all to often men need to be clubbed over the head with words like "our marriage is in trouble" or "our marriage cannot survive like this" before they take things seriously.

 

Read the divorce section here and see how many times there is a man on there stating "I knew she wasn't happy and told me several times but I didn't think it was that serious" or "she nagged me about this or that and I didn't take it seriously until it was to late"

 

Use these as cautionary tales BEFORE you grow to resent him so much your love for him fades and there is no going back.

 

Time to discuss the family budget (how much money you both have and how much money the household needs), future plans and costs, what is the most important things to each of you, compromising, equity and on and on.

 

It came all the way to you coming onto this forum with this problem, now it is time to take it the rest of the way and talk it over with him before it is to late. Do you really think he will choose work over you and your marriage?

 

Lost

[journeynow]

Recently he was telling me how he was going to take me on a vacation because he never spends time with me and bla bla bla. I told him I wanted him to go with me to visit my family one weekend and he said "I can't take off work to take you on a vacation AND take off to visit your family so pick one and we will do whatever you want."

 

I understand he sees these as two different things, visiting your family is not his idea of a vacation or of spending time with YOU. For him, family visits might feel like obligation, not the freedom a vacation would.

 

If it were me, I'd visit my family myself, he doesn't have to come, and I'd take a vacation with him. And invite the family to our place and he can see them at the end of the day. That actually is the way we did it. I don't know if your husband does farm work, and the work on the side brings in steady income, but your situation feels familiar. It's not easy for you, I can understand that. What if it never changes, if this is how it always is with him, would you be able to be happy long-term in this kind of partnership?