Am I selfish

[Steelnit4]

Well here it goes, my wife and I are living abroad for the last 10 yrs, our kids our now both grown and living in separate parts of the USA, we live it in Europe but are getting grief from family they we been gone to long and need to come back, my daughter is at times very needy however she is married and doing fine, my son is also doing well but still makes his share of mistakes

My parents are getting older but I see them a few times a year and do miss my siblings but we're still close

I don't want to move back but really feeling the pressure life is short and time is flying not sure what to do

[Keyman]

As someone who is also living on the other side of the world from his family, I can honestly say, you need to go where you heart is. You have done you job in raising your children and they have flown the coop, now it is your time to live by your own rules and desires.

 

I feel as long as you are in contact regularly and visit from time to time you do not need to be stuck where you can be at other people's whims. THese days what does it matter if you are on the other side of the country or the a few more hours away. There is video calls, the internet and things like that to stay in touch. If you lived 2 hours away, you still wouldn't be able to babysit or anything, so what difference does it make. Live for you, life is short, enjoy it, don't be a slave to others all of your life.

[Steelnit4]

Yes I so agree but they never ever understand, kids do but the rest of the family are saying I'm selfish and crazy

[DancingFool]

Selfish and crazy how exactly? Living in Europe is neither crazy nor selfish. I'd say their comments are likely coming from a place of envy because they can't do what you are doing. A bit of a come down to our level and be miserable with us instead of being off living what we imagine as a glamorous life.

[tattoobunnie]

If my parents lived far away from me, I, my kids, would be so sad. I'd be lost. And I'm 39, married, working, and normal. No matter how old you are, your parents are your parents, and you'll need them. Parents aren't garbage you know. You can't just stick them in a closet, and see them from time to time. And even though my parents still only live 20 minutes away, it's still tough raising two kids, and I really wish my In-Laws were closer - my eldest whines how he wishes he could see them more often.

 

It's one thing when you are newly married, and living life. But once you have kids, you kind of ache for your parents to be around, even if they don't get together too much. Getting together never, they really miss out. It's like being without my youngest, not being able to hug my kids. I dunno. I couldn't live so far away. I mean, if my parents wanted to live with me, then are totally welcome. Maybe cuz I'm Chinese, I think differently.

 

Don't look it as grief though. People may actually really miss you, and want you in their life. Phone and skype is fine, but it's not the same.

[thealchemist]

It is your life. I think the only other person you should need to listen to is your wife. If both want to stay then that is an easy choice.

 

I'm 29 with a daughter and a second kid on the way. My parents raised me to be independent. They are done raising me so now it is their time to be selfish. They put off being selfish so they could raise us. I think that earns them some time to themselves.

 

It is your life so just follow your heart.

[LaHermes]

What Keyman said:

 

"Live for you, life is short, enjoy it, don't be a slave to others all of your life."

 

You are entitled to a life, and you are NOT "selfish and crazy" (what an unpleasant thing to say anyhow.....).

 

Stay where you are, you are not beholden to anyone.

[Andrina]

It's nobody else's business where you choose to live. It's nice to stay in contact with visits and other forms of communication, but you're not obligated to live in close proximity to other adults who are your relatives. Perhaps your siblings feel like they will have to do more for your elderly parents like driving them places or bringing them groceries. You could assure them that when the time comes, you can help out with possibly regularly paying for groceries to be delivered, or you can take on the duties they normally do during your visits to give them relief. Although, realize, adults need to prepare for their own retirement years without feeling it's mandatory for anyone to help out. It's always a choice.

 

If any of your siblings say you're selfish and whatnot, cut the conversation short. Teach them that if they want to stay in your life, they can't be so critical. And as for your kids, tell them that if you lived close by and they moved away, you wouldn't make them feel guilty, and you don't want them doing that to you. The beauty of being an adult is to make decisions that are best for yourself.

 

I moved away from the state I'd lived in for 10 years when I was 21. I never really liked living there much, and over the years, told my parents if they wanted me to take care of them when they were elderly, they'd have to move to my state. There was no way I'd move by them when I didn't feel comfortable there. I didn't feel obligated to do that, but it was my choice to care for them if they moved by me, which eventually they did.

 

Be firm and confident when you speak to relatives about your choices. When they see your conviction, they should give up on their needling.

[ThePoodle]

I agree also. The best thing to do is to follow your gut. There are many ways to go about it without moving out there