Is It Ever Okay To Go To Someone's Work Place to Ask Them Out On A Date?

[RedCrayon360]

When it's someone you've not met before, or have just chatted to online (yet they've told you where they work), just wondering if it's okay to go to their work place to ask them out on a date?

 

Reason I ask is it's something I'm considering doing. Basically I've been chatting to this handsome guy from Plenty Of Fish in the last couple of weeks. He seems very pleasant and we seem to have a lot of potential sexual chemistry. We've also chatted on WhatsApp and have had the odd brief phone call. It's probably worth mentioning that he did come across a bit strong near the beginning saying he'd love to go on holidays together, and would love to move in with me, although things have kinda fizzled out in the last few days and we've not spoken to each for almost a week. (Looking at his Facebook, he does seem to have been very busy and has liked the odd status of mine). He did also say that he hates it when people ghost, or ignore you, so would like to think if things did ever work out between us he wouldn't pull the disappearing act! I was also the last one to iniate a conversation through WhatsApp. Was, however, thinking that despite few days of silence that it might be the right time to ask him out on a date? I've really started to take a liking to him and was thinking of maybe turning up at his work and asking him out! He works as a hotel receptionist, so speaking to guests and members of the public is something that happens regularly

 

I know I could do it over text, or the phone, but thought it might be a nice surprise to ask him out at work. Plus, despite the fact I get social anxiety talking to people, I actually prefer asking someone out in person, rather than through text, or over the phone (hate using the phone, lol). Do you think this would be creepy and has anyone else ever done this before? Trust me, don't want to make him feel uncomfortable or feel like I'm trying to stalk him - I'd also let him know that I want a very brief chat with him and check if it's okay. I get that when people are working that you need to respect their time and I totally understand that, which is why it would only be a very brief chat asking him out for a meal or something. It's also just that I haven't had much luck getting a date with someone in the last few months and I admit it's getting me down a bit and making me feel lonely. I just think sometimes there's too much reliance on texting/social media that people just don't always seem willing to want to meet in person face to face (aside from the fact most do have busy lives). Plus asking them out in person may descrease the chances of them ghosting/flaking out on a date.

 

What do people think? And is this something you would ever do?

 

(Edit: clearly I wouldn't do this if it's someone you've only ever exchanged the odd text or email with)

[Capricorn3]

When it's someone you've not met before, or have just chatted to online (yet they've told you where they work), just wondering if it's okay to go to their work place to ask them out on a date?

 

What do people think? And is this something you would ever do?

I think it's a really really BAD idea, and no, I would never do it. If anyone did that to me I would be extremely embarrassed and absolutely mortified, but that's just me.

[RedDress]

No - don't do this.

 

This would make me feel like my privacy had been violated. You are basically (unintentionally) introducing yourself to his colleagues and adding 'relationship' pressure (people will all be asking "how did it go??"). He may also feel compelled to say "yes" even if he wants to say "no".

 

If you want to ask him out, you should do so via your regular means of communication.

[Giblesp]

I've been asked out on a date at work, I said yes because I liked her. If I didn't like her, I'd say no.

[RainyCoast]

but thought it might be a nice surprise to ask him out at work.

more like surprise, psycho chick! no, don't do it!!

 

if you have the nerve to show up unannounced at his place of work, you have the nerve to suggest you grab coffee.

Plus asking them out in person may decrease the chances of them ghosting/flaking out on a date.

ambushing ppl so you corner them to avoid getting ghosted/rejected is well in the creepy territory. now that would put me off of anyone.

 

send him a quick text/call for a coffee date and that's it.

[RedCrayon360]

Thanks for the advice guys, I appreciate it. Really glad I asked (lol)

 

Feel embarrassed that I even thought about doing this! 🙈 I admit I'm still fairly new to online dating, so still getting the hang of it all. But yeah, did think the possibility of doing this would be creepy and pressurising. I knew it would be a bad idea.

 

I'll try asking him out over the phone or something when I feel ready. And also when I'm not doing it coming from a needy place. I think I just blame the fact my previous failed dating attempts has kinda made me feel a bit desperate like this, and obviously that's not really a good vibe to have if wanting to date/persue people you're interested in.

[RainyCoast]

also, if he's just playing you, by asking him and leaving the ball in his court you'll know soon enough if he's not willing to meet in person. online dating sites are full of time-wasters who will chat, but not meet. too often, people get emotionally invested before they've even met, only to be flaked or ghosted on, or they find they're someone's last resort.

 

best to know sooner than later.

 

hey, good luck! (and don't go booking vaca with a stranger!)

[Wolfshook]

in the last couple of weeks. He seems very pleasant and we seem to have a lot of potential sexual chemistry. We've also chatted on WhatsApp and have had the odd brief phone call... ...saying he'd love to go on holidays together, and would love to move in with me...

 

Umm,you havent even met if I'm correct and he's talking about moving in?!?!?!

 

Now,about going to his work and asking him out - it's a no. Especially if he works somewhere with clients and it would be public. That's basically cornering him and he would be in very unpleasant situation.

[RedCrayon360]

in the last couple of weeks. He seems very pleasant and we seem to have a lot of potential sexual chemistry. We've also chatted on WhatsApp and have had the odd brief phone call... ...saying he'd love to go on holidays together, and would love to move in with me...

 

Umm,you havent even met if I'm correct and he's talking about moving in?!?!?!

 

Now,about going to his work and asking him out - it's a no. Especially if he works somewhere with clients and it would be public. That's basically cornering him and he would be in very unpleasant situation.

Nope, we've not met yet! But can't deny the fact he was coming across strong last week over WhatsApp wanting to move things along quickly, has made me weary and just have to assume he may possibly be playing with my feelings. Had that happen last time, so would certainly like to be more careful this time!

 

I mean I guess it doesn't hurt trying to ask him out over text/phone, and if he does go silent or flake out, then I'll probably just delete his number and look for other options.

 

@RainyCoast: Yeah, that's what I hate about online dating, the annoyance of coming across someone who might be a player or something. This won't apply to all, but it does seem so easy to catch feelings for a stranger only to be disappointed when you find they were messing with you! Like I say, the idea of asking someone out at their workplace was because of me getting annoyed by previous people flaking out or unwilling to meet (unless I suppose they were genuinely nervous). But definifely won't be going down that route as I can see that would be overwhelming and put the person off. I guess I got hopeful that going to a persons workplace to ask them out would seem less creepy than I'd like to have believed (lol).

 

And thanks RainyCoast I'll probably do an update about what happens!

 

Forgot to say that we're both bi/gay and live approximately 20-25 miles from each other (assuming he's being honest where he's from)

[MissCanuck]

I'm glad you decided not to go to his work and ask him out. That is a very, very unwise idea. It's inappropriate and looks unprofessional for him, and you've never even met the guy.

 

Honestly, I would steer clear of him anyway. Telling you he'd love to move in with you when he's never so much as laid eyes on you in person is a huge red flag.

[Iggy5129]

Online dating sites are simply a means of introduction. If he doesn't ask to meet up within a week I would say he's just messing with you. I met my bf on the same day that we started talking on the dating site. Why waste time building a fake relationship via texting and Facebook?

 

If he's not asking to meet you he's not interested. Why is he on a dating site just to find text buddies? He's probably not serious about actually meeting someone. You should have set up a coffee meet the day you started talking to him. Doing this eliminates time wasters, which I personally think this guy is.

[RedCrayon360]

Online dating sites are simply a means of introduction. If he doesn't ask to meet up within a week I would say he's just messing with you. I met my bf on the same day that we started talking on the dating site. Why waste time building a fake relationship via texting and Facebook?

 

If he's not asking to meet you he's not interested. Why is he on a dating site just to find text buddies? He's probably not serious about actually meeting someone. You should have set up a coffee meet the day you started talking to him. Doing this eliminates time wasters, which I personally think this guy is.

Yeah, that's what I think too. He did mention on WhatsApp that he met and dated 2 people, but that it didn't work out with any of them! Obviously he could have been pulling my leg, though

 

I think what I'll do is just ask him out for a coffee or bite to eat tomorrow through text/phone (especially incase there's a small chance he's being honest and wants me to make the first move, but will still be weary as not sure I can trust him), and if he does go silent or says "No", at least I won't have to bother with him anymore!

[RainyCoast]

getting annoyed by previous people flaking out or unwilling to meet

i don't use OLD, but our OLD-experienced members say to schedule dates in person as soon as possible and keep the texting down to a minimum (arranging dates mostly) to avoid time-wasters and eliminate bad matches early.

 

i hope it goes well, if not with this one, then the next one- keep those options open.

 

yasss, give us an update when you have one!

[RedCrayon360]

Went ahead and sent him a text and video message on WhatsApp asking if he'd like to meet up this week. He's read the message, but not responded (which, to be fair, I expected).

 

I guess if I don't hear back from him in the next few days, then it's safe to assume it's a bust!

[RainyCoast]

yup, cross that one off the list.

[MissCanuck]

Yeah, I would write him off at this point. An interested man would have responded to your request.

[Sportster2005]

What's the big deal here? (shrugging). It certainly is unconventional. But I don't think it's bad, or creepy, and certainly not stalker like. No wonder women don't ask men out, other women terrify them out of it. Foolish says I.

 

If he likes you, he probably would have asked you out. That's the more important issue. When someone like you, it's hard to do something wrong. If they don't, it's hard to do something right.

[RedCrayon360]

Yeah, I suppose that's a good point!

 

He responded saying that it was cute of me asking him out, but then he asked whether I would like to go on holiday with him in September and we did sorta arrange some holiday ideas over WhatsApp, though he's gone quiet again in the last couple of days. Just seems like too many red flags with this guy, pretty much had it with him now.

 

Indeed, one to cross off the list I think!

 

Why do people bother messing around with people's feelings like this? Don't they have anything better to do?

[xplorationspac]

Men are usually very direct if they are interested in somebody

 

 

I interpret mixed signals as clear signals that he's not really that interested in you or he's not really interested in dating anybody. Both options are a dead end