Mum boyfriend inapropriate

[j.man]

Ive not informed my dad on this. Ive never spoken to him about things like this before, and i feel hes not the right person for me to tell, i dont have enough trust in him in this sort of situation. It wouldnt be possible to move in with him really. Only option id have of moving, would be to my boyfriends. My boyfriend is aware of what mums boyfriend does, and isnt afraid to confront him about it. Do you think he should confront him?

No, absolutely not. While you're sharing a roof with this man, you are subject to his physical imposition. While not at all your fault, an act of provocation can trigger much worse conditions. Would your boyfriend's family allow you to stay? Why is it exactly you don't trust your father with this?

[HannaJ]

This is what im worried about. The things that he says are horrible and they make me feel so unclean and uncomfortable. I honestly wish he would just walk out of our lives

[Seraphim]

I am so sorry to hear, Seraphim It's absolutely heart breaking.

 

I am good. Hugs. It was many many years ago. And it was the fact that my father let his weird shady ass pedo brother live with us . I recognize this grooming behaviour all too well .

[Seraphim]

This is what im worried about. The things that he says are horrible and they make me feel so unclean and uncomfortable. I honestly wish he would just walk out of our lives

 

I would not have your boyfriend confront him because your boyfriend could end up in jail . Talk with your boyfriend's family tell them exactly what's happening and ask them if you can stay with them for a while .

[HannaJ]

My boyfriends family would be fine with me staying there, im thinking of going tomorow. I dont know whether i should tell my mum im going or just leave in the morning. I dont trust my dad as hes not been very involved or interested in my life. I dont see how telling him could get me any help. I think he would see it as more of an option to put shame on my mum, rather than sort out my situation

[Seraphim]

Also do not feel any shame you have done absolutely zero wrong and he's hoping that you will keep this quiet so he can keep doing it . The only way to get rid of scum like this is to talk far and wide . More people know the more pressure gets put on him to move along .

[Seraphim]

My boyfriends family would be fine with me staying there, im thinking of going tomorow. I dont know whether i should tell my mum im going or just leave in the morning. I dont trust my dad as hes not been very involved or interested in my life. I dont see how telling him could get me any help. I think he would see it as more of an option to put shame on my mum, rather than sort out my situation

Well, I hate to tell you this but your mom deserves the shame at this point and that's the truth . She is sacrificing her daughter so she can have a boyfriend not cool.

[HannaJ]

My dad didnt take much notice of me whilst growing up, this is why my relationship with him is weak. I think that in some ways it will help for my boyfriend to confront him, its somwthing that he wants to do, as the situation makes him angry. Im just not sure if its the write thing to do. My family loves to tell lies and rumours, shame other members of the family and prove eachother wrong. This is why i want to solve this with the least people involved as possible

[Seraphim]

I would tell your mom that you're leaving and exactly why and you're not coming back till he's gone . Period. That you don't deserve to be molested so she can have a boyfriend .

[Seraphim]

My dad didnt take much notice of me whilst growing up, this is why my relationship with him is weak. I think that in some ways it will help for my boyfriend to confront him, its somwthing that he wants to do, as the situation makes him angry. Im just not sure if its the write thing to do. My family loves to tell lies and rumours, shame other members of the family and prove eachother wrong. This is why i want to solve this with the least people involved as possible

Do not have your boyfriend confront him that could get your boyfriend arrested .

[HannaJ]

Im sure his family will allow me to stay there, after all ive stayed there before after family problems. Theyre so lovely and they will always have me, im really lucky to have them really.

[HannaJ]

Okay, thankyou, I will tell him not to confront my mums boyfriend about anythinf

[HannaJ]

Okay, thankyou for replying. I will do this tomorow morning. I just hope this time she understands

[j.man]

My boyfriends family would be fine with me staying there, im thinking of going tomorow. I dont know whether i should tell my mum im going or just leave in the morning. I dont trust my dad as hes not been very involved or interested in my life. I dont see how telling him could get me any help. I think he would see it as more of an option to put shame on my mum, rather than sort out my situation

Even if not for to help with this particular incident, I think some time you should reach out. If this scenario is in any way indicative of your mother's perversely self-serving nature, there may be much more of a story behind your father's relative inactivity. Not that you need to get into such details with him, but it's worth it to note it's often a matter of lack of choice rather than any lack of desire. Don't know him or any specifics on his and your mom's divorce nor whether he really is voluntarily absent... just food for thought. And, in any case, you're seeing the situation someone who has been constantly in your life is putting you into. I'm not sure I'd put all your trust in that aspect.

 

But, yes, please contact your boyfriend and ask when the soonest you can stay is. If he says tonight, please do. Leaving the home may be the boot in the ass your mother needs.

[Seraphim]

Please be safe . You can also talk to us we care that you are safe . Also please remember you have done absolutely nothing wrong . Don't ever let anybody make you feel bad you are leaving. You have a right to have your own body protected and your mental welfare protected .

[HannaJ]

Even if not for to help with this particular incident, I think some time you should reach out. If this scenario is in any way indicative of your mother's perversely self-serving nature, there may be much more of a story behind your father's relative inactivity. Not that you need to get into such details with him, but it's worth it to note it's often a matter of lack of choice rather than any lack of desire. Don't know him or any specifics on his and your mom's divorce nor whether he really is voluntarily absent... just food for thought.

 

But, yes, please contact your boyfriend and ask when the soonest you can stay is. If he says tonight, please do. Leaving the home may be the boot in the ass your mother needs.

 

I have no way of getting to my boyfriends until the morning unfortunately. But i will definitely be going, i cant put up with this anymore.

[LaHermes]

Hanna. There may well be a helpline you can call (depending on which country you are in) and you can seek advice and help in full confidentiality.

[Seraphim]

Hanna,

 

Leave in the morning as soon as you can. Then phone your mother and tell her why you left. Don't do it in person because they might talk you out of leaving . It is also much safer for you to leave first .

[HannaJ]

Hanna,

 

Leave in the morning as soon as you can. Then phone your mother and tell her why you left. Don't do it in person because they might talk you out of leaving . It is also much safer for you to leave first .

 

Okay I will tell her once ive left, the reason for me leaving. Thankyou so much for being a help to me

[Seraphim]

I hope you stay safe Hanna. Remember none of this is your fault . Your body is yours and your safety is paramount . If you ever need help for what happened to you know that counselling is a great benefit . Remember we are here if you need an ear to listen .

Hugs❤️

[nutbrownhare]

I would tell your mom that you're leaving and exactly why and you're not coming back till he's gone . Period. That you don't deserve to be molested so she can have a boyfriend .

 

This ^^^. One of the reasons these characters think they can get away with it is precisely because it's the VICTIM who's filled with shame, rather than the slimeball creep who should be feeling it. Your mother should have kicked him out by now.

 

I knew a 19yr old girl who went to the police because her mother's boyfriend had sexually abused her some years previously; once she brought the action, loads of this guy's victims came forwards and he ended up with a lengthy prison sentence. For some of his victims, this marked the starting point of their recovery from the abuse.

[Seraphim]

Exactly that's how these creeps keep doing what they're doing . Because their poor victims are shamed into silence. We need to join hands and shout out to the world that we won't put up with this anymore .

[HannaJ]

I hope you stay safe Hanna. Remember none of this is your fault . Your body is yours and your safety is paramount . If you ever need help for what happened to you know that counselling is a great benefit . Remember we are here if you need an ear to listen .

Hugs❤️

 

Thankyou so much, I will definitely update everyone on how this all is resloved

[happyfrank]

I think you need proof. If you can have voice recorder and secretly hide it. While he tells you these things. This will help your case.

 

Without proof it's he said, she said thing.

[Seraphim]

I would not stay in this environment anymore just for proof.