Boyfriend comfortable and doesn't want marriage

[Jibralta]

But when i put our words into action, and gotten off of birth control, he quickly admitted that he wasnt ready for a child. So he is always going back and forth on his word. That or he just agreed to wanting a child, because he seen I wanted one and just wanted to please me.

 

Wow, he doesn't take you seriously at all.

[glitterfingers]

Wow, he doesn't take you seriously at all.

 

They've been living together less than a year...are you sure about that?

 

The alternative is he does take the kid thing seriously and wants a more solid foundation/more savings first. Many couples are like this

[Capricorn3]

But he also says things like even if we get married, I would still never be satisfied. I would always want more from him, which in my opinion I feel is expected,as I have every intention of giving more of myself to him as well.

I think THIS is where your answer lies. It seems he sees the writing on the wall (and you admit it too). You will always want more from him, which you say, is expected? What more are you going to want from him? Are you always going to have some kind of demands? Push for more and more? I think THIS is what scares him off the idea of marriage, and when I see it from that point of view, I can totally understand why he's spooked, but that's just me.

[Jibralta]

They've been living together less than a year...are you sure about that?

 

Yes. Had he not first said that he wanted to try for a child, it would be a different story. His flakiness here, plus his other opinions of her and of marriage in general, lead me to believe that he does not take her seriously.

 

You don't have to agree. It's just an opinion.

[abitbroken]

in our conversations he always says he wants to get married and sees a future with me. But i'm not sure if thats him trying to shut me up, or if thats how he really feels. I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt.

 

And he told you this and you then moved in with him....He did say "a future" - he did not say "i can see us marrying in the next year or two". He tells you enough to keep you interested. he does not sincerely want to get married. I saw a really awesome video once. A woman says a guy may date around, even live with someone, but when he is ready to marry, he goes and looks for a wife. He does not make the girls he has been fooling around with or the woman he has been in a meandering relationship with his wife - most likely. He's not looking for a wife. He's just enjoying whatever you are willing to give. Maybe the formal meeting the parents thing made him realize that he is not interested in marrying,. Who knows.

[Jibralta]

A pattern that I see: He doesn't seem to mean anything he says, and he doesn't think that you mean anything you say. He says he wants to marry you, but he doesn't even get engaged when he has the opportunity. He says he wants to have a baby with you, but balks when the opportunity presents itself. You say you want to marry him, he says you're just obsessed with weddings. He says that you'll always want more, as if you'll keep changing the game.

[abitbroken]

They've been living together less than a year...are you sure about that?

 

The alternative is he does take the kid thing seriously and wants a more solid foundation/more savings first. Many couples are like this

 

Unless they both talked and agreed to what moving in together meant - they discussed marriage and they both expressed living together as the next step - then living together does NOT mean he is serious. It means that he enjoys the convenience of sharing the space and receives the benefit of sharing a bed. If marriage is important to you - you should NEVER just simply move in and see what happens. You should have a ring and a date. Otherwise living together is just sharing space and one person thinks it means you are getting married and the other person does not see it that way. Living together may be all he's willing to give. He doesn't see her as a future wife - or marriage is way off his radar. Its totally okay for him not to see marriage in his future and its okay for you to want to get married - and you should marry - but maybe not him. Don't compromise this in your life. But also don't be tricked into thinking you have him 3/4 there with living together.

[j.man]

I think THIS is where your answer lies. It seems he sees the writing on the wall (and you admit it too). You will always want more from him, which you say, is expected? What more are you going to want from him? Are you always going to have some kind of demands? Push for more and more? I think THIS is what scares him off the idea of marriage, and when I see it from that point of view, I can totally understand why he's spooked, but that's just me.

This was a good insight. I'd like it if the OP could spare some time to expound.

[abitbroken]

This was a good insight. I'd like it if the OP could spare some time to expound.

 

It is not wrong for her to want to get married. Wanting to get married does not mean you will continue to demand things. Wanting to be a mother is not an unreasonable thing in life. It may mean that it won't be to him, though.

 

Actually, the comment may be made out of fear of commitment rather than him actually believing you are a demanding woman.

[j.man]

It is not wrong for her to want to get married. Wanting to get married does not mean you will continue to demand things. Wanting to be a mother is not an unreasonable thing in life. It may mean that it won't be to him, though.

 

Actually, the comment may be made out of fear of commitment rather than him actually believing you are a demanding woman.

I would always want more from him, which in my opinion I feel is expected,as I have every intention of giving more of myself to him as well.

You and the OP seem to be of a different mindset.

[Jibralta]

I thought that was a pretty reasonable statement for someone who plans to spend their life with someone. Life is going to change, and each partner has to change and grow along with it, or the relationship will fail.

[abitbroken]

I would always want more from him, which in my opinion I feel is expected,as I have every intention of giving more of myself to him as well.

 

Giving more of yourself and expecting that the other person would do the same seems to me very reasonable. It is not giving cars or boats or fancy jewelry. People who are broke "give of themselves" to eachother more and more - their love deepens, they give their time and care, etc. I don't think she was talking about material things at all.