Someone please pleaseeeeeeeee help me!! He just disappeared...

[xcookie7x]

Hi everyone. first off let me say i am sorry if this is long but i am going to put everything i think is necessary..because i am devastated and i need some real input into this. please be nice. i am emotionally fragile lately from life. lol... okay so i'm friends with this guy on fb. let's just call him Jon. I'm friends with Jon on facebook and he posts things that are pretty funny so i commented on one of his posts one day saying "haha you post the best stuff!" and later on that day i got a friend request from a guy let's just call him Bill. so Bill requests and I accept it. I start to comment on Billl's posts now seeing he's good friends with Jon. Then, Bill private messages me through the facebook chat and we start to talk. He opens up and tells me how he is usually rejected by women and nobody in his town will date him or is interested. How he is usually alone etc. and I say I know how he feels. So, time passes and we begin to talk every day. He is the one to take the initiative to message me. Then, he asks to call me. The phone call goes wonderful and he starts to call pretty frequently. We seem to have great chemistry honestly and he asks me questions and we relate on a lot of what he asks etc.

 

So weeks turn into months and I ask him if he is ever going to see me. (As he brought up on the phone we need to hang out).. he says work is very busy (which he can work some pretty crazy hours at his job like getting home from the city doing deliveries at 3am..and I do know that much is truth however he does get a few days off here and there so not like he's busy 24/7 at his job..) and i say okay its no problem. he says he is going to try soon. so we still continue to talk every day. he says good morning beautiful and we talk through out the day. on the phone calls i talk to his parents. they become familiar with me by name after a while. they tease him saying i'm his girlfriend. and he will call me and ask "so.. how's your boyfriend?" joking around. which confuses me i never really know what he's getting at. he'll also joke around like for example if i say i do not want to do something he'll say "well tell them your boyfriend bill says you don't have to do it." so, after a while, i begin to take him more seriously. he starts to become a priority of all other guys and his personality and chemistry is my favorite. to the point where i saw potential for real love with him. we video chat too. and his brother sees me and says "hey is that her?" and he says yes. he tells me he has told all his family and friends and coworkers of me. his bday was a month ago and instead of going out he even called me on the phone and we talked all night.. and the saying good morning to me continues.. and it turns into 5 months now.

 

so i am getting a bit frustrated because he really has become a priority in terms of my feelings. i haven't had such chemistry with someone in a very long time actually. on the phone time flies and we can talk for hours. and on video chat i ask him "so are you really coming to see me?" he jokes and says "im scared." so i say "what?" and he says "no im just kidding. yeah i'm coming." and we exchange addresses. he also calls me on the phone and gives me his netflix account randomly. it is a family account, the only people with profiles are him, his bro, and bros fiance. he tells me i should make my own profile. he also says when he comes to see me he will give me something from his grandpa that i can use for camping since he knows i love camping. so i say thank you that's so sweet and he says anytime.. so our last conversation we had before he disappeared i said "hey i know that i ask a lot but did you ever plan on coming to see me? because i like you a lot and i talk to you more than anyone. i know work can be tough with hours but just wanted to make sure." and he says "yes of course i want to! i'm trying, work has just really been killing me. i want to try a vacation soon so i''ll let u know asap." i say okay no prob...then, the next morning i message him saying good morning....and nothing....it has been 9 days now. and he hasn't even read my messages, let alone reply to them. we are still friends on facebook. he did not block or unfriend me. and he has made posts on his profile here or there,one of them being with two guy friends a few days ago so clearly he is not THAT busy.. the posts do not even have any likes on them except that one though. none whatsoever (he's not very popular at all or a player type and i'm not just saying that. he barely ever goes out. he would spend a majority of his time calling me).. i am just at a loss for words. i don't know what to do. and i miss him a lot. i miss his personality. and i just don't get it. he would talk to me every single day and i talked to his parents on the phone and we talked so often his fam knew me by name. and i had personal info like his netflix where i had my OWN profile on there. he would bring up us dating all the time and how he wanted a girlfriend and would call himself my boyfriend.. now he won't even bother to read my messages i have sent to him yet he has been online here or there and made some posts..he told me in the past if we ever stopped talking he would really miss me and that he cares for me.. i could really use some advice on how to handle this and perspective. he has always made it a point to read what i say and get back to me for the 5 months straight he talked to me. Also one of the last things I'd asked was if he was still really interested in me bc i wanted to be on the same page..and he said yes he is. he has never disappeared like this before for the entire time he'd talk and call me etc. and the way he left off seemed like we were totally fine. i mean he said he'd let me know asap then just goes poof. i looked on his facebook to see if for the 9 days he'd been gone he'd been hanging with any single girls, but the only people he seemed to hang with was two guy friends that were tagged.

 

p.s. also let me just add he was never sexual with me. never asked for naked pictures. so it's not like he got a bunch of naked pictures or masturbated from me and was done with me. one time i sent him one pic of me in my new bathing suit and he told me i never have to send him pictures like that. he rather see my eyes and he likes me because of my personality and that i stand out to him bc i'm classy. so i'm just so very confused. and i wish he would come back honestly. i really saw great potential in our chemistry talking.

[MissCanuck]

I think he's hiding something from you, but what that is - who knows?

 

You know what he looks like, having chatted live on webcam. You've chatted with his family. But nobody dodges meeting someone they like (who is in their vicinity) for that long and disappears for no reason. There is a reason, but it's likely got nothing to do with you personally.

 

Maybe he's some physical or psychological problem that you would only discover upon meeting him. Perhaps he has an illness. Maybe he's on house arrest. Maybe he's been seeing someone else on the sly and they're getting more serious. Something is stopping him from seeing you and when he knew he couldn't continue making excuses forever, he bailed.

 

Why don't you just ask Jon what his friend's deal is? I think you need to let this Bill go regardless, but it would perhaps answer your question as to why he's so evasive.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately he has never wanted to meet and that's a red flag. Is this a LDR? Don't revolve your life around a mirage. How old is he? His 'busy' excuses are ridiculous. He's hiding something. Cut all ties with him and his people on all social media and other things.

 

Date in real life, locally and get to know real people. Most of this guy is what you've build up in your mind because you have never met.

i'm friends with this guy on fb. turns into 5 months now. on video chat i ask him "so are you really coming to see me?" he jokes and says "im scared." so i say "what?" and he says "no im just kidding. yeah i'm coming."

[Jibralta]

Is it possible that he's a drug addict or an alcoholic and has relapsed?

[xcookie7x]

he told me he does not drink because he has a problem with his liver functioning so he can only have so many. he said he was born with some health issues, but he's put them all out on the table. and i do not think he does drugs. we were talking a LOT so i don't feel he would even have the time. he would call me on the way home from work up until he would sleep every night.

[xcookie7x]

i haven't asked only because i don't trust going to a guys best friend asking about him.. surely he will tell bill that i asked. and i don't want to look crazy even if i am haha... in fear of ruining any possibility of him coming back in the future. and i don't feel he was seeing anyone else only because for the week and a half he has been gone his profile still says single. and he has many posts on his facebook but with no likes at all (he seems to not be that popular, especially with women). i know i need to let him go. it just hurts. i have been going on dates for the past two years and the chemistry i had with him was better than any of the other people i have tried with. i really enjoyed his "company"

[xcookie7x]

he is 24 and i am as well. i have been taking up dates in real life as well. but he told me i was a priority. and it's weird because i am still his friend on facebook. he did not block me or unfriend me and i would think if he's totally done with playing me he would do so.. and he got my messages i sent to him but he never even opened them to read them. also, his facebook says he is single. and since he has been gone he has posted things but nobody has even liked them (he comes off as not so popular especially with women) and his self esteem is pretty bad.. i'm just at a loss. on the phone he would always talk in future tense like we were dating. i know i shouldn't care so much. but the chemistry we did have was better than anybody i've tried going on dates with in real life for the past couple years now.. it sucks. i was really happy. should i try to reach out again in a few days..?

[xcookie7x]

and what bothers me most even is he wont even read my darn messages! what person, whose online, doesn't read their private messages on facebook after a week and a half?! there's a notification saying you have to open them, most people open them just out of sheer curiosity to see what someone has said to them.. it's not like he has to reply.. but read them darn it!! like, you won't unfriend or block me, yet you won't bother seeing what i had to say...that's the weirdest thing to me. because it says they delivered. he's blantantly ignoring them, doesn't even want to see what i had to say after 5 months of consistent talking... lol unless he wants me to think he has not had a chance to read them or something..

[MissCanuck]

and what bothers me most even is he wont even read my darn messages! what person, whose online, doesn't read their private messages on facebook after a week and a half?! there's a notification saying you have to open them, most people open them just out of sheer curiosity to see what someone has said to them.. it's not like he has to reply.. but read them darn it!! like, you won't unfriend or block me, yet you won't bother seeing what i had to say...that's the weirdest thing to me. because it says they delivered. he's blantantly ignoring them, doesn't even want to see what i had to say after 5 months of consistent talking... lol unless he wants me to think he has not had a chance to read them or something..

 

People who are indirectly trying to tell you they don't want any more contact from you.

 

I'm sorry OP, but this is a waste of your time. 5 months and no meeting is ridiculous. You need to chalk this up as a learning experience and let go.

[boltnrun]

How do you know for sure you talked to his "parents"? He could have had someone pretend to be his mom and dad.

 

It sounds like you got faked out. Sorry, but this faker probably isn't going to reappear on your computer screen.

[xcookie7x]

it's possible but i mean i saw them on video chat and also they have profiles on facebook connected to his. everything seems to be accurate. he's definitely a real person. if anything i think maybe he got intimidated in going through with seeing me and ran. maybe he has very deep rooted insecurities. i talked to my mother about it and she agreed mentally something might be wrong.. she said not blocking or unfriending me is like he does not want to fully sever the ties..oh well.