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Hi guys! Hope you're having a great weekend.

 

I created this account because I need relationship advice.

 

I had been dating a guy for approx. 9 months. Everything was great during the start, we saw each other very often, met each other's family and had a normal and loving relationship. We started long distance 5 months into the relationship because I had to go back to finish up college. This was never an issue because we knew we wanted to be together. We texted, facetimed, called each other during the day which kept the spark alive. He came to visit me, as did I. However, our relationship changed when I went back home for Spring Break... He went partying and he literally, butt dialed me. I heard him talking to a girl and he told her that I didn't live here and that he would text her when I left back for college. I was leaving in two days... I of course asked him who the person was and he lied to me, and didn't want to tell me who she was. This is when I started having trust issues.

 

After this incident, he confessed to me that he felt confused about his feelings for me, he doesn't know how he feels, he doesn't know "how to love", he's "broken", he's scared of "breaking my heart", he even said that I love him more than he loves me... This tore me apart. He had not been in a committed relationship for approx. 3 years and never committed to the women he dated, so I thought he was just scared of commitment.

 

We got into a fight last night and I mentioned the previous incident, and he claimed I was "psychotic" and that I always bring the same story up. He said we needed to take a break, but I've thought I should move on instead.

 

This is a guy I really did love and see a future with and was willing to work it out. Not sure if we should really just take a break, or if I should start moving on even though it hurt quite a lot.

 

I feel heartbroken....

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Hi guys! Hope you're having a great weekend.

 

I created this account because I need relationship advice.

 

I had been dating a guy for approx. 9 months. Everything was great during the start, we saw each other very often, met each other's family and had a normal and loving relationship. We started long distance 5 months into the relationship because I had to go back to finish up college. This was never an issue because we knew we wanted to be together. We texted, facetimed, called each other during the day which kept the spark alive. He came to visit me, as did I. However, our relationship changed when I went back home for Spring Break... He went partying and he literally, butt dialed me. I heard him talking to a girl and he told her that I didn't live here and that he would text her when I left back for college. I was leaving in two days... I of course asked him who the person was and he lied to me, and didn't want to tell me who she was. This is when I started having trust issues.

 

After this incident, he confessed to me that he felt confused about his feelings for me, he doesn't know how he feels, he doesn't know "how to love", he's "broken", he's scared of "breaking my heart", he even said that I love him more than he loves me... This tore me apart. He had not been in a committed relationship for approx. 3 years and never committed to the women he dated, so I thought he was just scared of commitment.

 

We got into a fight last night and I mentioned the previous incident, and he claimed I was "psychotic" and that I always bring the same story up. He said we needed to take a break, but I've thought I should move on instead.

 

This is a guy I really did love and see a future with and was willing to work it out. Not sure if we should really just take a break, or if I should start moving on even though it hurt quite a lot.

 

I feel heartbroken....

 

Long winded response incoming (sorry!)

I want to say firstly that I don't, for one second, blame you for feeling so let down and heartbroken as you put it. I think anyone in your position would be feeling exactly as you do. Well done for handling it so well so far, you seem very objective and composed, despite the way you have been treated and the pain I am sure you are in.

As I am no expert I can only offer advice based on my own experiences, which are quite similar to yours, although not identical. I had what I thought was an incredible long distance relationship, it lasted 6 months being perfect, then 6 months being terrible. We had a discussion similar to the one you had with your partner after the amazing 6 months, and I realised she was not serious because, like your partner, she said she didn't know how to love etc. She dumped me, then we tried again. That began the awful 6 months. My advice to you...this person will never be able to love you, or heal what he has done, and you will probably find it impossible to get over the hurt he has caused you now, I know I never bounced back from it, the fear of it happening again always stayed with me. I saw me with her for the rest of my life, I wanted everything with her and i don't think I will love another in the way or as much as I loved her...BUT...what is so important for you to realise, as I am realising, is that the fear you now have and the pain he has caused is not worth carrying forever just to be with him. It will not just go away and he will never be the person you are wanting him to be, you cannot just 'change' people, not that you're saying that, I just wanted to add that.

Better to let go of someone who clearly doesn't show you the respect and care you are 100% deserving of! The sooner you let go, the sooner you start healing, also the more self respect you keep. I clung on until she dumped me a second time, and I let go of all my pride and self worth in doing so. Now I'm rebuilding myself from scratch, I recommend you get out whilst you have something left.

Obviously I am no expert, and speak from a sad place, but I hope this does in some small way help. People will always be there for you.

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He wants to party. No confusion there, let him go. Focus on your campus and college and the social things they offer. Forget this guy...Enjoy your freedom to date anyone you want on campus..

 

This ^^^. Although some relationships survive the whole process of one or both going away to college, most don't. You don't say how old you are, but it sounds as though you're both very young, have your lives ahead of you and it wouldn't be appropriate to be in a committed relationship at this stage.

 

It will be painful in the short term, but will leave you free to have a great time at college without worrying about the guy back home.

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  • 5 months later...

Hey guys,

 

Thanks for all of your responses, they really did mean a lot. I apologize for not getting back to you!

 

Anyways, we broke up in July. I found out he was cheating on me all along. BUT, I am doing amazing, never been happier with my life to be honest. This break-up was really hard on me, but I did learn a lot. I take it as another life experience. Remembering him is always bittersweet, because I did invest a lot into the relationship, grew fond of him, but at the end we evidently wanted different things out of a relationship. I deleted him off my life, his family still tries to contact me though, which doesn't really bother me. I started dating once I felt ready again. And boy, am I lucky. I found myself the sweetest guy who asked me to be his girlfriend a week ago. Being around him makes me feel safe and loved. I think I'm keeping this one

 

I hope this thread helps whoever is dealing with a broken-heart! It mends

 

Once again, thanks guys!

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