Should I continue talking to this Senior Military Academy Cadet ?

[SweetestofSins]

Hi everyone, I am seeking some advice regarding a continuing to get to know a guy I recently met. He is a senior at a very competitive and prestigious Military Academy in New York (initials of academy are W.P, I'm sure you can figure it out from there.)

 

I myself am 5 years older than him and have already started a great career.

 

We met on Thursday of this week at a bar. I had no idea how old he was until he told me. I would have never guessed it since he seemed very mature for his age , must be the regimented military training. Anyways, he was an absolute gentleman and we hung out all night. Since he is still a student of a VERY strict military school he had a certain time he had to check in even while on pass (away from campus.) So before he left he asked for my number and texted me that very night. Wanted to make sure i got home safe and that I had his number. Obviously a good sign right?

 

Well this is where things get confusing...We continue to text up until Saturday night. Just little things here and there, how he should come back to visit soon, or how he would love to see me again. Sunday night, he is absolutely quiet. I leave it as is and decide to text him Monday morning. A quick "How was your weekend?" All day, I never got a reply back. By 11pm, I just wrote it off as he probably wasn't as interested in me as I thought he was. So I decided to just let it go.

 

At probably 30 minutes to midnight, I get a SnapChat message from him.

 

HIM: "Hi! I'm so glad you found me on SnapChat. My text messages are gone and I lost your number."

ME: "Haha! and here I thought you forgot about me"

HIM: "I'm not a big into texting anyways"

ME: "Well I did tell your to call me"

HIM: "And then I lost the number. So I figured you thought I was ignoring you. And you have a valid point."

ME: "I texted you this morning too"

HIM you asked how my weekend was! And then I lost all my texts"

ME: "How the heck did that happen?"

HIM: "And the weekend was busy.I left for PA to get a diving cert. I'm not really sure. My phone has been doing wierd things. I think some guy is messing with it remotely."

 

So I end up giving him my number again and we continue to text through out the next couple of days. Again, no in depth text convos or anything. Just quickly checking up on each other and sending a quick selfie a day to each other.

 

Tuesday he says he may have time to call me later at night but he will text me before hand to make sure I am available as well. Tuesday night rolls around... 9PM, nothing. 10PM, nothing still. 11PM, still nothing. So I send him a quick text "I guess you got caught up. Have a good night."

Probably 15 minutes later he replies and apologizes for not calling. He said that he and people in his brigade got into some trouble and he had gotten caught up trying to sort it out. And again apologized for having me wait up and not telling me as soon as he could that he couldnt call and promised in the future he would always keep in the loop in case he couldn't. So I let it go. First time, and things happen. I get that this is a ridiculously busy time for him, especially with the fact that he is graduating from a Military Academy.

 

Next day, Wednesday, we text again throughout the day. Again, he apologized for not calling me the night before. I told him I understand, his life must be busy right now and that he doesnt have to text me beforehand. He can just call and if I'm available, I'll pick up. And we left the convo like that, not specifying the next time he will call or anything. Later on in the night, I get a text from him at 7PM.

 

HIM: "Hey, I'm not gonna be able to call tonight. One of my groups lost some data and we have to figure that out. I feel I'm pretty much a flake at this point and I apologize for that. This just happens to be one heck of a time at the moment"

ME: "I so appreciate you telling me as soon as you could. And you are not a flake (at least through no fault of your own.) As long as this isn’t just some excuse to avoid calling me 😉 . I hope your issue gets resolved. And again, I understand. You met me at an awfully busy time in your west point career. Lol."

HIM: "Thanks for understanding, and haha I promise it is not an excuse"

ME: "okay, I believe you. Let me know how everything works out. 😊"

 

I've confided in my girlfriends and they all seem to think he is just making excuses and if he really did like me or was genuinely interested, he would always find some time to call me. If this were any other guy, I would completely agree with my girlfriends. But I just feel that he deserves to get the benefit of the doubt. His circumstances are very different from other guys. His daily schedule is very regimented. From 6:30AM to 11:30PM, everything is scheduled out for them.

For me, as long as everything he is saying is the truth and not excuses, I have no issues with continuing to talk to him. I just don't want to continue to pursue this and realize he may have just been way to nice and couldn't just tell me straight up he wasnt interested. I believe he is, I mean when he lost my number, he couldve just left it at that. He hadnt added me as a friend on snap, so I wouldve been none the wiser. But instead, he adds me and continues to want to keep in contact with me.

 

I would love any advice on this situation. Especially from anyone who has experience dating a military person... THANK YOU!

[abitbroken]

Well...here's my perspective - take it for what its worth from someone a bit older than you. you are spending way too much time talking about him not being able to call or talking about how he didn't text you when you could spend the time when you are actually talking or texting talking and texting about other things. Its like one time my dad called me and tried to figure out when i'd be available to have a conversation about something and we spent so much time consulting our calendars that we could have just spit it out right then. His schedule is not as predictable - so maybe communicating on the fly instead of setting up a promised time is the way to go and then you'll figure out when the good times are. Honestly, if he is kept behind late to figure out a data problem, he is not going to want to call you and talk in front of the officers or classmates and have them listen in.

 

Instead of your only communication his way being about "you were supposed to text" - try something different - just text. Don't set a time. And don't sit and wait around for him either. You could miss out on a great guy who you just met under weird timing --- and you will be pleasantly surprised by meaningful, if not like clockwork communication or he'll fade away and you'll meet someone else. He said he wasn't a texter so just tell him to call when he's free and don't set a date or time.

[abitbroken]

Also, just like a senior biology major doing a thesis, he may just not be available to date right now. When is he finished? If he is finished in a month, why not just go your separate ways and tell him to look you up then?

[happyfrank]

The best thing you can do is plan meetings for the weekend. Monday to Friday it's extremely difficult to communicate with somebody you care about in a military training environment.

Also sleep is important after a long day of training. He could be too tired to communicate with you. Don't rush things anyways. Go with the flow.

 

Good luck.

[SweetestofSins]

Hi abitbroken, thank you for your advice. I think I may not have clarified it too well but it isn't that I'm upset that he doesn't call or text when he's "supposed" to. I just don't know if what he's saying in regards to not being able to call is an excuse. I've never tried talking to a military man before so not sure what to really expect. Is he really interested and just really doesn't have the time to talk or communicate as a regular guy not in his circumstance would? I've been burned many times in the past for being "too understanding" and just letting things go while talking to a guy and completely oblivious to signs that he was just really not that interested. Seeing as this guy is in a military academy... I don't know if I should give him the benefit of the doubt or if it's blatantly obvious to third parties that he just is not interested and is just to nice to say so and instead continually makes excuses as to why he can't call. Yeah as you can probably tell, my self confidence isn't too high from being fooled in the past so many times. Just don't wanna make the same mistake especially since it's still early on.

[saluk]

Set up the next date and don't communicate until then. He may be able to give you undivided attention during a date, but outside of that his life is just too busy.

 

If you can't find a date that works for both of you, or he keeps flaking (whether due to a valid, truthful, excuse or not) he may just be too busy to date period.

[Wiseman2]

Take it slowly and keep in mind his regimented life. Try not to expect constant communication or a lot of dates. The only way to gauge interest is to lay back somewhat and relax and see what he initiates.

 

If you chase or smother he may just use polite blow offs like 'got busy', 'lost your number', 'phone didn't work', etc as he has been. This is the most important thing he told you 6805009]HIM: "I'm not a big into texting anyways"

[SweetestofSins]

Happyfrank, that's what I figured too. He has really early days and late late nights. He's only about less than 3 weeks away from graduating. Last thing I wanna do is distract him. I agree, I'll just let things go with the flow and continue to be myself. Although he doesn't reply right away which I am okay with, i am glad that he always responds within the same day. I guess that shows he tries to make some time for communication with me regardless of how busy he is.

[SweetestofSins]

Saluk, it's hard to set a date at this time. With graduation less than 3 weeks away for him... each weekend is filled with senior cadet activities. His visit to Boston was a school outing event. But I agree, once his academics are done, he should have more time. At that time, if we are still talking hopefully we can plan an actual date and if he adheres to the plan... I guess I've got my answer

[SweetestofSins]

Wiseman, yes he even told me the night we met he sucks at texting. Which is why from our first meeting, I told him just to call. Which he has yet to do, hence the reasons he's given me for not calling yet. But yet he always replies to my texts. And I agree, he knows where I stand. I'm obviously interested and he has my number to call if he feels the same and FINALLY gets some free time

[j.man]

Calling sucks as much as texting. Go on dates.

[SweetestofSins]

Hi jman, wish that was possible.

I agree dates are best but unfortunately isn't possible when talking to someone in a military academy.

 

Well an update! He actually called me tonight. And I expressed my concerns of him possibly making excuses as reasons he couldn't call. He replied that he knew that had to be going through my head and is exactly why he knew he had to call me tonight to ease my worries. We had a great in depth conversation. Found out the soonest we would be able to see each other would be end of July. He said he had checked his calendar to confirm. After graduation in may he immeadiately leaves for flight school in Alabama before starting his mandatory 5 year service in the army. He reassured me that he defintely wants to continue tlaking and getting to know me but understands this isn't the ideal dating situation for anyone. Honestly, I know I've only known the guy for a week but I am interested to know more and just told him we will see where this goes. Thanks for the advice everyone! Hoping the best for my cadet and I whether it's ending up together or just for now. Gonna enjoy this super sweet (busy) military man

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately it sounds like he's trying to politely fade. It's unclear why you are having "relationship talks" after meeting in a bar once.

 

It sounds like you are over-attached and over-invested in someone you gave your number to in a bar a week ago and hasn't wanted to call or text too much and hasn't asked you out since.

 

He's also telling you he'll be perpetually busy ...kind of like forever. Lay back on the chasing and see if he initiates again.

He actually called me tonight. And I expressed my concerns of him possibly making excuses as reasons he couldn't call. Hoping the best for my cadet and I whether it's ending up together or just for now.