Is he still interested or is he playing?

[Cb1]

My exboyfriend and i dated for nearly 7 months. We shared a deep connection but he had come out from a divorce just over a year when we started dating( 21 years married) . I nearly left him within 5 months as i felt he wasnt there the way he should be.He was very insecure as his wife cheated on him.We managed to stay together but no real progress. I didnt contact him for 4 days and neither did he. When i tried to get in touch he told me this thing is not working and refused to speak to me ever since. I contacted him via text 2 months later to say i am sorry if i hurt him and he responded with a x. He agreed to speak on the phone but i called twice and he never picked up. Two months later i saw him on the street and texted him. He responded to say he has been seeing the pictures i posted on facebook from my holiday and its sad he doesnt have the whole vibe but i have cheered him up enormously. He agreed to meet me for a coffee 2 weeks later when he would return from visiting his family. He didnt do it. One week ago i sent him a happy birthday picture and he replied thank you. What a difference a year makes....i dont understand what is going on in his mind and whether he is politely saying i should leave him alone. He doesnt make contact but when i do he is leading me on. Any advice?

[TiredOfDating]

he isn't leading you on, he is being polite. HE is not reaching out. YOU are the one making all the overtures. All he's doing is being polite in responding and trying not be hurtful.

 

your situation sounds a LOT like mine. My ex was just out of a 16 year marriage, she cheated on him. He was pretty blindsided by it. We were together about 5 months. He DID progress the relationship, but brought it to a screeching halt. He insisted on friendship. He was a bit wishy washy in his reactions to my attempts at being friendly. our first post break up conversation was great, others not so much. and it was ME doing all the work. So I stopped.

 

He MAY change his mind. but you have to give him space. It honestly doesn't sound like he was ever fully into your relationship, which is something you picked up on 2 months before it ended.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately he's still rebounding from divorce and all over the place. Don't chase him anymore, he seems to be jerking you around. At this point just go no contact and block and delete him from social media. This is a cut your losses situation after only dating 7 mos.

[Cb1]

Thank you for your reply. Not sure why he sees the need to be polite. I am not saying he should be hurtful but it would be more decent if he didnt reply at all.

[Hollyj]

. He should not be attempting a relationship for several years. This guy is not emotionally available . You were a rebound.

 

Lose his number. He is not interested and it will never go anywhere.

[Hollyj]

Thank you for your reply. Not sure why he sees the need to be polite. I am not saying he should be hurtful but it would be more decent if he didnt reply at all.

 

 

Why do you keep reaching out?

[ParisPaulette]

He responds, because people have been taught it's rude not to do so. I know this is a social norm that gets people into a ton of trouble, but it is what it is. Or he feels guilty he ever started anything in the first place and now feels he has to be nice or to him maybe it's just not a big deal and he's the type who responds to anyone who contacts him, yes even a total stranger. I had an ex once who would do this and have zero thought about anything beyond, "Well, they've contacted me, I can't just ignore them." Yeah, he had a ton of scammers and telemarketers on to him as well as every old friend/girlfriend/bully from 3rd grade wanting to borrow money at him. But nope, he was gonna say hi back regardless.

 

Still if someone keeps not getting together with you, after the 2nd time, take that as a clear sign of "not interested." People who want you in their life make time for you, just like you did with him and he hasn't done with you.

 

All the polite responding in the world means nothing if they won't equally make an effort to see you and start something. He's not interested. Look elsewhere.

[HeartGoesOn]

My guess is he'll stop responding sooner, rather than later. Another label that fits here, is he's doing the "slow fade."

 

Having said that, I'd bow out now, and set my standards at a higher level.

[MissCanuck]

He's not playing, but he's also clearly not interested.

 

Why do you keep contacting him when you're getting such indifferent replies?

[Annia]

He doesn't seem interested in getting back together. He is polite and answers you but isn't making any effort or investing emotionally in the situation. I think you should engage on NC and give you both time and space. You can't force him into getting back together, he's not in the emotional space for it. The only thing you can do is try to move on and if he wants to talk to you he knows where to find you.

[Cb1]

Hi again.

 

Suprisingly enough he hasnow made contact and asked me to meet him for a coffee.

I accepted to meet him but i kept it short and sweet, nothing was mentioned about the relationship.After 50 min i said it was nice to see him but i have to go. He then kissed me on the cheek and asked whether he should get in touch this week so we could arrange going for a drink. Is there any chance he has changed or should i stay away? I really like him but i cant be hurt again.i need to mention he seems extremely sad and aged within a short period of time.

[Wiseman2]

He's still going through a divorce so he needs a corral of sexually available women around.

Is there any chance he has changed or should i stay away? I really like him but i cant be hurt again.i need to mention he seems extremely sad and aged within a short period of time.

[Cb1]

Thanks. Out of interest how does it take then until he is not looking just for sex but for a proper relationship?

[Cb1]

#how long does it take#

[MissCanuck]

Thanks. Out of interest how does it take then until he is not looking just for sex but for a proper relationship?

 

We couldn't begin to guess; there are too many individual variables that make it different for everyone.

 

Your best bet is not to sleep with him unless and until you two reconcile as a couple,

[Wiseman2]

Why wait around in limbo hurting to find out? He may move on after a rebound relationship, hurting you even more.

 

It may be best to pull away completely and let him sort out his divorce, feelings, etc on his own. In the mean time date more stable available guys.

#how long does it take#