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I am absolutely head over heels for someone who I cannot have, and even if she was single, I have a snowball's chance in hell of ever getting with her....

Why do I say I stand no chance with her? Well...shes currently in a relationship, she says she only dates people who are in some sort of service; police, army, coast guard, etc, and.....she is my ex's best friend and she firmly believes that my ex and I should get back together despite the fact that I have told her that for two years my ex had normalized being abusive and manipulative toward me, and had cheated on me all because she knows my ex cares about me.


I'm very torn because there are red flags about this girl (Like wanting me to get back together with someone who was abusive), and only dating people in the service because she says they are the only ones who can handle her, and the fact that she is best friends with my ex. But theres also the fact that she just....makes me very happy in my heart and I have a connection with her, I feel like a little kid on Christmas when I know I am going to see her or when she replies to my messages.

I just dont know what to do...it would feel pathetic to wait, and it would be morally wrong of me to continue to try even though her boyfriend is a total jerk (She had to beg him for a birthday present and he wasnt going to get her one simply because he wanted to buy stuff for himself, and he really constricts who she hangs out with and what she does).

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It might be an idea to just stop seeing her. If she asks why tell her you need to distance yourself from your ex but whatever you do don't tell her about your feelings. The kind of person she appears to be there's every chance she will use them to manipulate you, you deserve better. Move along with your life and find someone who cares about you, there is always therapy if you feel your previous relationship has left you with issues.

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Yeah, I think the red flags here are her only dating people in service. That's a very narrow way of thinking. She's limiting her chances of finding someone.


Also, I wouldn't go after your ex's best friend. That's a recipe for disaster in my opinion. If your ex was abusive and that's still her best friend, she might not like that at all...

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Sounds like you have zero chance with this girl. Move on, break relations with her.


Plus, she said she only dates service people? Because those are the only people who can "handle" her? That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Service people aren't magically equipped to deal with her. She sounds self involved and immature.

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In what way are you torn? You can't be with this girl. She is already in a relationship. There's no two ways about it. Trying to justify her boyfriend as being a jerk doesn't cut it, I'm afraid.


Why would you wait for someone you have a "snowball's chance in hell of getting with"?


To be honest, from the way you have described her, she doesn't sound exactly nice. She sounds shallow and self-absorbed.

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Go find someone else to "fall head over hells" with....


More than likely, you've built up a fantasy around her that you've created but is actually not who she is in reality.


Even if you're wishes came true, she leaves this guy tomorrow and heads straight over to your place and fulfills every thought you've had about her......you'd probably discover that she's got flaws that your mind (not your heart) is not letting you see because it's a fantasy.


There's a lot of women out there that probably (although it may not seem true to you in your current emotionally-driven state) could be a better friend/lover/confidant/etc than this girl.


As tough as it is to walk away from her, you need to. In reality, the prince rarely rescues the princess from the Evil Boyfriend that "doesn't deserve her".


Start working on yourself and your dating options for YOU. Don't compare other women that you start dating to her. It will prevent you from seeing their strengths, beauty and potential because you're still assigning value to a fantasy.


Good luck.

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