Family planning, what permanent contraceptive method did you have?

[itsallgrand]

I find that crap sex is a side effect of using condoms lol. Plus they are designed for sexual health not contraception. Some studies show that the withdrawal method is more effective with condoms only being 80% effective. I don't like those odds lol

 

I understand. It's always a weighing of pros and cons. Personally, I'm ok with the odds with condoms - and it doesn't impair having a good time for us. The cons of implants or pills are too heavy for me and so off the table. And I don't want sterilization, so condoms is the best for us. It's imperfect but unless I go the celibacy route ( not going to), it's the best choice for me.

 

Let us know how your choice goes?!

[Fudgie]

I understand. It's always a weighing of pros and cons. Personally, I'm ok with the odds with condoms - and it doesn't impair having a good time for us. The cons of implants or pills are too heavy for me and so off the table. And I don't want sterilization, so condoms is the best for us. It's imperfect but unless I go the celibacy route ( not going to), it's the best choice for me.

 

Let us know how your choice goes?!

 

That is a good point, it's all about weighing the risks (and that is subjective, it's about what you're comfortable with, which is different for every person) and the pros and cons.

 

There are other "barrier" methods besides condoms that are effective, especially if you double up. If you can find a spermicide that is safe to use with condoms and doesn't irritate you, try it. There are also diaphragms and cervical caps. I haven't used one for sex but I have used similar devices for menstrual hygiene. Bit of a learning curve but they can work very well if you are comfortable with using them.

 

This is a small aside, thornz, but speaking personally, pregnancy anxiety has given me a lot of grief. Waking up after sterilization was like a weight had been lifted. I know that some people are not comfortable with that door being closed, and I understand that, but for me, it was a wonderful feeling. I feel more free during sex.

 

It is a serious decision and I urge people to give it a long time for thought. Once you give up your fertility, it's very difficult, sometimes impossible, to get back.

 

I hope you can find a method that works for you that is effective and makes you comfortable, whatever that is.

[thornz]

I understand. It's always a weighing of pros and cons. Personally, I'm ok with the odds with condoms - and it doesn't impair having a good time for us. The cons of implants or pills are too heavy for me and so off the table. And I don't want sterilization, so condoms is the best for us. It's imperfect but unless I go the celibacy route ( not going to), it's the best choice for me.

 

Let us know how your choice goes?!

 

I want the option that combines longevity with lowest failure rate with minimal side effects. The coil I have fitted has the lowest failure rate of all contraceptives, however it does have some additional side effects for me that were not mentioned. If I were to mention this to family planning I imagine they would deny that the issues are caused by my coil. Sterilisation would be the next best option if it has no side effects but it appears that it might have some potentially severe consequences.

[thornz]

That is a good point, it's all about weighing the risks (and that is subjective, it's about what you're comfortable with, which is different for every person) and the pros and cons.

 

There are other "barrier" methods besides condoms that are effective, especially if you double up. If you can find a spermicide that is safe to use with condoms and doesn't irritate you, try it. There are also diaphragms and cervical caps. I haven't used one for sex but I have used similar devices for menstrual hygiene. Bit of a learning curve but they can work very well if you are comfortable with using them.

 

This is a small aside, thornz, but speaking personally, pregnancy anxiety has given me a lot of grief. Waking up after sterilization was like a weight had been lifted. I know that some people are not comfortable with that door being closed, and I understand that, but for me, it was a wonderful feeling. I feel more free during sex.

 

It is a serious decision and I urge people to give it a long time for thought. Once you give up your fertility, it's very difficult, sometimes impossible, to get back.

 

I hope you can find a method that works for you that is effective and makes you comfortable, whatever that is.

 

Thanks for your input Fudgie.

 

I felt the same as you after having my coil fitted, total relief that I'm using the most effective contraception that won't negatively impact my health (or so I thought). I'm happy to deal with the side effects for now until I find a better solution if there is one. If I get married my husband may be open to vasectomy which might have less side effects?

 

The stress I felt before from the potential unwanted pregnancy affected my health. Now at least it isn't an ever present concern and when I take pregnancy tests just to make sure, I'm not wondering if they will come back positive. If that did ever happen at least I would have a clear conscience that I did all I could to prevent it.

 

I'm very comfortable with not getting my fertility back for childbearing reasons but I do wonder if I will feel less womanly being sterile? Do you feel any different in this respect?

 

Unfortunately we don't get to pick and choose our doctor on the NHS, you get what you're given!

 

I have been meaning to talk to my partner about this as obviously if we are to stay together it will affect him too. He might consider male sterilisation?

[Fudgie]

I haven't taken a pregnancy test (other than what is required at a doctor's office) since my sterilization. I've had late periods and before, I'd fret but now I just shrug my shoulders.

 

How does your boyfriend feel about a vasectomy? Yes, it's quicker and less side effects and it's way more likely a doctor will say yes to that. Is he committed to having no children in his own life? If so, ask him.

 

My boyfriend takes the viewpoint of "my future wife will decide on kids". He's very hands off. So if that is his viewpoint and I'm firmly in the "no kids" camp, well, it feels better that I am the one sterilized, not him, since his choice is dependent on the woman and my choice is dependent on no one.

 

I do not feel less womanly since being sterilized, no. I feel more relaxed but not less womanly. However, due to social stigma, very few people know I'm sterilized. I don't want to be told I'm less womanly for my choice.

 

As a result, only ENA, my gyno surgeon (the one who did it), his nurse, and my boyfriend know that I'm sterilized. My family has no idea and my friends don't really either. My family knows I don't want kids but my boyfriend's family, I just smile and say "maybe" because they are kind of dumb and can't take the truth.

 

If you had it done, would you be open about it? Wish there weren't a stigma, that's all.

[thornz]

I haven't taken a pregnancy test (other than what is required at a doctor's office) since my sterilization. I've had late periods and before, I'd fret but now I just shrug my shoulders.

 

How does your boyfriend feel about a vasectomy? Yes, it's quicker and less side effects and it's way more likely a doctor will say yes to that. Is he committed to having no children in his own life? If so, ask him.

 

My boyfriend takes the viewpoint of "my future wife will decide on kids". He's very hands off. So if that is his viewpoint and I'm firmly in the "no kids" camp, well, it feels better that I am the one sterilized, not him, since his choice is dependent on the woman and my choice is dependent on no one.

 

I do not feel less womanly since being sterilized, no. I feel more relaxed but not less womanly. However, due to social stigma, very few people know I'm sterilized. I don't want to be told I'm less womanly for my choice.

 

As a result, only ENA, my gyno surgeon (the one who did it), his nurse, and my boyfriend know that I'm sterilized. My family has no idea and my friends don't really either. My family knows I don't want kids but my boyfriend's family, I just smile and say "maybe" because they are kind of dumb and can't take the truth.

 

If you had it done, would you be open about it? Wish there weren't a stigma, that's all.

 

Thanks will respond in more detail later.

 

Yes I would be open about it if only to avoid the annoying comments. Would certainly get my partners mother off our backs! Going to chat to my partner about it now.

 

I know vasectomy is easier and reversible and my partner is in the no kids camp but I think he might be swayed by a partner who wanted that hence why I would only ask him to do it if we were married. Going to discuss this with him now.

[Fudgie]

I don't think the annoying comments will ever end. Even parents get them. Have one kid and lots of people will say "why just one? Why not have another? Only kids are spoiled!" Many people just have no filter. Honestly, no matter which way you go as a woman, you will face scrutiny. Mother? Here are a dozen and more ways to parent "right" and here is my unsolicited opinion on EVERYTHING. not a mother? You are a selfish , here is why you should have children. Career mom? You're a selfish and bad mother, your kids will be latch key kids. Stay at home mom? You're lazy and underachieving. You can't win!

 

So in the end, do what is right for you. Let us know what your husband says. If he's in the no kids camp and you two are going to get married anyway, he may not mind.

[thornz]

I don't think the annoying comments will ever end. Even parents get them. Have one kid and lots of people will say "why just one? Why not have another? Only kids are spoiled!" Many people just have no filter. Honestly, no matter which way you go as a woman, you will face scrutiny. Mother? Here are a dozen and more ways to parent "right" and here is my unsolicited opinion on EVERYTHING. not a mother? You are a selfish , here is why you should have children. Career mom? You're a selfish and bad mother, your kids will be latch key kids. Stay at home mom? You're lazy and underachieving. You can't win!

 

So in the end, do what is right for you. Let us know what your husband says. If he's in the no kids camp and you two are going to get married anyway, he may not mind.

 

I was referring to the "Oh, Son, I can't wait till you have kids" "It would be so wonderful if you got pregnant" "It doesnt matter if you have migraines, when you have a baby you have to just get on with it, you can't disable yourself" type comments.

 

We talked, he suggested I have my contraception removed and that we use condoms in the meantime and see if there is any improvement in my symptoms. I would insist on using a better method of protection or abstaining because it's just not worth the risk to me.

 

He confirmed his lack of desire to have children saying that he's never wanted kids and that he just couldn't see where a kid could fit into his life. He said if we did get pregnant obviously we would deal with it but I've seen the look on his face when his friends have suspected I was pregnant and that's not something I could deal with. It would break my heart to face that kind of disappointment.

 

He was open to a vasectomy in the future but I've been told its to stay between us because if his mother found out "she would freak".

[Fudgie]

What do you mean by disappointment? Like, he says that you two would "deal" with a baby but it would just be really, really disappointing and would for him? Sorry just want to clarify.

 

I don't blame him for wanting to keep it secret. I've kept my sterilization secret. My boyfriend and I are seeing his family in 2 days and they are weird and ask invasive questions. Last time I was asked a lot about condoms and does my boyfriend use them. I'm just going to say that I have the Paragard IUD and it lasts for 10 years.

 

I don't want to deal with the potential backlash from people who don't understand. So secret it is.

[thornz]

What do you mean by disappointment? Like, he says that you two would "deal" with a baby but it would just be really, really disappointing and would for him? Sorry just want to clarify.

 

I don't blame him for wanting to keep it secret. I've kept my sterilization secret. My boyfriend and I are seeing his family in 2 days and they are weird and ask invasive questions. Last time I was asked a lot about condoms and does my boyfriend use them. I'm just going to say that I have the Paragard IUD and it lasts for 10 years.

 

I don't want to deal with the potential backlash from people who don't understand. So secret it is.

 

I'm not sure what he means by deal with it but we have discussed before (as I think is important in any sexual relationship) what the plan would be if I were to get pregnant. He stated he doesn't plan to have kids but if it happens it happens. He wanted to know if I would want to keep it and I said I couldn't because of my health issues and I couldnt bring an unwanted child into the world. I am physically incapable of bringing up a baby etc and if I was to ever have children I would adopt older children who didn't have much of a positive outlook otherwise. I think there's enough unwanted babies waiting for homes without adding to it!

 

I would describe the look on his face as a mixture of extreme agitation and mild woe. I cant imagine much worse than finding I was pregnant, being very upset and angry and potentially fearful to go to my man for comfort and have to face that reaction from him when I told him. I genuinely think I'd rather just not tell him and go through an abortion alone than deal with that kind of rejection. It makes me worried just thinking about it now. Not good.

 

Yes I could imagine his family kicking up a fuss even if I told them. It irritates the hell out of me that they go on about marriage and babies, pretty much from when we met! Go have your own damn baby if you're that bothered! Hah.

[Ms Darcy]

It's not really toxic in how it is used in Essure. Essure contains small amounts of nickel and titanium in the coils. The reason why is because the purpose of the device is to 1) block the fallopian tubes and 2) promote scar tissue growth to block the tubes. Essure inserts themselves are not enough for blocking, your body needs to make scar tissue to make you fully sterile. Nickel is one of the components that helps promote the scar tissue.

 

That said, it's not a wonder, at least to me and some others, that some women may be more sensitive to this metal and this reaction and have suffered a lot of pain from it.

 

If you look at the majority of Essure patients, they do just fine. But there are people who have had problems.

 

Me, I didn't want to take that risk and I was okay undergoing another surgery. I also had my tubes cut and burned, I did not have the clips.

 

I'm sorry. When you said that you had your tubes cut and burned, I imagined your doctor doing it with a lighter!

 

 

[Fudgie]

I'm sorry. When you said that you had your tubes cut and burned, I imagined your doctor doing it with a lighter!

 

 

 

Ow ow ow! Oh my goodness! Lol.

 

I guess the correct term would be cauterized. I know that with tubals, there is a small risk of the tubes "reconnecting" afterwards so my surgeon cut them and then burned the ends, although probably not with a lighter because I had a tiny incision and i think it would be hard to fit one in there.

[Liraele]

Oh I thought Essure was the titanium implants. I still haven't be able to get hold of the clinic to verify when it runs out, apparently nobody there answers the frikken phone 

 

Essure is permanent permanent. It doesn't run out. It's non-reversible.

[thealchemist]

Just a warning with tubes tied is that it isn't 100% even with a fully successful procedure. Also my mom's heart stopped when I was a child because she had an ectopic pregnancy. She barely made it and only after a blood transfusion. Don't know how rare that is but it had a pretty big impact on me.

[Fudgie]

Just a warning with tubes tied is that it isn't 100% even with a fully successful procedure. Also my mom's heart stopped when I was a child because she had an ectopic pregnancy. She barely made it and only after a blood transfusion. Don't know how rare that is but it had a pretty big impact on me.

 

Only Abstinence is 100%. With sterilization, it's like 99.9% so yeah, it can happen but it's rare.

 

I personally can't stand condoms so I'm happy to be sterilized so I can enjoy condom free sex with my boyfriend.

[Liraele]

Just a warning with tubes tied is that it isn't 100% even with a fully successful procedure. Also my mom's heart stopped when I was a child because she had an ectopic pregnancy. She barely made it and only after a blood transfusion. Don't know how rare that is but it had a pretty big impact on me.

 

Something else to keep in mind is that ectopic pregnancies can happen even if you haven't had alterations done/aren't on birth control/are just a regular human trying to have a baby. It's a very, very scary thing and it's important that it's caught early. My sister had two during her childbearing years, the last ending her ability to have children at all.