ironpony Posted April 9, 2017 Share Posted April 9, 2017 I have had that happen a few times now where I and the woman will go on a few dates, and it seems to be going well and good, and then she will then want to stop dating for whatever reason, but she will make it a reason of her own and say that. But after it happens a few times, I am wondering, if that's really true, most of the time. What do you think? Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted April 9, 2017 Share Posted April 9, 2017 I think this: 'it's me and not you' = this: 'for whatever reason' Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted April 9, 2017 Share Posted April 9, 2017 I have had that happen a few times now where I and the woman will go on a few dates, and it seems to be going well and good, and then she will then want to stop dating for whatever reason, but she will make it a reason of her own and say that. But after it happens a few times, I am wondering, if that's really true, most of the time. What do you think? I think she is right, it IS her. SHE is just not feeling enough chemisty with you. Nothng you did SHE is just not feeling it. Link to comment
Matt3939 Posted April 9, 2017 Share Posted April 9, 2017 If it's in the beginning she doesn't feel it. If it's once a relationship has gone on for a while. It's she found someone else and would like you to leave her alone. She will be back in contact if it doesn't work out with the new person. Link to comment
Careerchoice Posted April 9, 2017 Share Posted April 9, 2017 This is said to make things not confrontational. Think about it from her point of view, if she says she just doesn't feel anything for you, it could start an argument. This may not happen with you in your experience, but it happens with a lot of guys. They get defensive. Some even go psycho. As far as failure in dating is concerned, two schools of thought on it. Either you believe it's all up to random chance whether two people hit it off, or that dating is a skill that can be learned and refined. I support the latter view, so I would encourage you to analyze exactly what's happening in your interactions and what you can do differently. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted April 10, 2017 Share Posted April 10, 2017 As far as failure in dating is concerned, two schools of thought on it. Either you believe it's all up to random chance whether two people hit it off, or that dating is a skill that can be learned and refined. I support the latter view, so I would encourage you to analyze exactly what's happening in your interactions and what you can do differently. I like the combo plate of these. Chemistry can appear random, but odds are, most people are simply NOT our match. That's a liberating thing to grasp, because it frees you from a focus on blame. We're all seeking simpatico with someone who 'get us' and views us through the right lens. When someone rejects you, that speaks of their limits rather than of any deficiency in you. The right person for you will own the vision to 'see' and appreciate your unique value. I also believe that dating, like anything else, is a set of skills that can be developed, but I think part of that set is screening out wrong matches rather than trying to convert them into a good one. Either chemistry is mutual, or not. It might appear so, but if either opts out, then...not so much. Resilience and the ability to roll with that is a skill in itself, and one you'll thank yourself for developing. Head high. Link to comment
Ambella Posted April 10, 2017 Share Posted April 10, 2017 Hi. So i told a guy that once. But really i didnt like him. For my reason. But i said "its not you its me", meaning i dont want this, nothing you have done but i just dont want this. Its not for me. Again nothing u did cause u shouldnt have to change to be with me so its not you its me, i dont like it. Me! Not you. Link to comment
ironpony Posted April 10, 2017 Author Share Posted April 10, 2017 This is said to make things not confrontational. Think about it from her point of view, if she says she just doesn't feel anything for you, it could start an argument. This may not happen with you in your experience, but it happens with a lot of guys. They get defensive. Some even go psycho. As far as failure in dating is concerned, two schools of thought on it. Either you believe it's all up to random chance whether two people hit it off, or that dating is a skill that can be learned and refined. I support the latter view, so I would encourage you to analyze exactly what's happening in your interactions and what you can do differently. Oh I don't want to make things confrontational at all. Mainly I just wanted to know what the problem was so I could refine my kill for next time. I believe it's a refined skill. I actually bought a book on how to get better at dating and women and the book helped a lot. But mainly I often find myself having trouble getting past the third date quite a few times. I just keep doing something to not be able to keep the woman's interest and transition into a fourth one I find. So I just wanted to know what the issue was, when I ask them, in order to refine myself or watch out for it, that's all. Link to comment
Person1001 Posted April 10, 2017 Share Posted April 10, 2017 Been used on me several times, I take it as the person has an issue w/me, not saying I'm a bad person, just not their match. To me it feels like a sugarcoated rejection. Link to comment
ironpony Posted April 11, 2017 Author Share Posted April 11, 2017 Do you think maybe it's cause I offered to pay when we went out? Maybe the women saw it as non alpha-male like and got turned off maybe? Cause I noticed it happened when I offered to pay, that perhaps the date went sour, unless I am reading that wrong... Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted April 11, 2017 Share Posted April 11, 2017 I take it as the person has an issue w/me, not saying I'm a bad person, just not their match. To me it feels like a sugarcoated rejection. That's exactly what it is. It's letting someone down easy. People don't go around saying "I really don't like you and don't want to hang out with you anymore". They take the easy way out and the polite way. Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted April 11, 2017 Share Posted April 11, 2017 Do you think maybe it's cause I offered to pay when we went out? .. Nothing to do with it at all. Zero. Zilch. It just wasn't working for HER. You weren't what she wanted or was looking for. Link to comment
Careerchoice Posted April 11, 2017 Share Posted April 11, 2017 Do you think maybe it's cause I offered to pay when we went out? Maybe the women saw it as non alpha-male like and got turned off maybe? Cause I noticed it happened when I offered to pay, that perhaps the date went sour, unless I am reading that wrong... Not necessarily. Providing for women can be very alpha. Think of tribal structure. The alpha provides for everyone. It's all in how you do it though. If you came off as only paying for her to get her to like you, that's called supplication and is not good. Link to comment
ironpony Posted April 11, 2017 Author Share Posted April 11, 2017 Oh okay I thought maybe offering to pay made me come off as not alpha-male enough maybe, cause it may be seen as anti-feminist to some people, but I am just jumping to conclusions of what it could be. Basically my reason for paying was is that it would take longer for the waitress to split the bill and I thought let's just go it's no big deal, but that was my reason. I didn't say that, so do you think maybe the woman thought it was a bad reason, such as getting the woman to like me? Link to comment
Krankor Posted April 11, 2017 Share Posted April 11, 2017 Oh okay I thought maybe offering to pay made me come off as not alpha-male enough maybe, cause it may be seen as anti-feminist to some people, but I am just jumping to conclusions of what it could be. Basically my reason for paying was is that it would take longer for the waitress to split the bill and I thought let's just go it's no big deal, but that was my reason. I didn't say that, so do you think maybe the woman thought it was a bad reason, such as getting the woman to like me? You're over-thinking it on the bill thing. It's true that you don't want to come off as overly eager to please but I doubt any woman who you were out with has ever thought "Man, it was all going so great right up until he went and insisted on paying the bill and totally blew it..." One reason though that you may be having trouble getting past that third date is that you are doing all the pursuing. You should pursue for the first couple of dates, then back off and wait for her to contact you. When you pursue, pursue, and pursue women tend to lose interest. Link to comment
Ambella Posted April 15, 2017 Share Posted April 15, 2017 Do you think maybe it's cause I offered to pay when we went out? Maybe the women saw it as non alpha-male like and got turned off maybe? Cause I noticed it happened when I offered to pay, that perhaps the date went sour, unless I am reading that wrong... No... not at all. If anything u paying reminded her she need to end this. Link to comment
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