Rusty60 Posted April 5, 2017 Share Posted April 5, 2017 My best friend and I are 37 years of age and in slightly different places in life. I am increasingly worried about her and for at least a couple of years now, have been at a loss as to how to help her. Her problems are beyond my capabilities and it may be up to her to seek help or otherwise make changes. She had planned her life's milestones as a young adult and of course, you can't really plan life--to some extent it has to just happen on its own time. At 37, she has gone well past the age at which she expected to be married with children and is finding it very difficult to find a significant other. She has all of the material trappings of a successful life but feels that the lack of a significant other strongly reflects on her worth and character. Outwardly, she has done all of the right things to help her case: getting active in local politics, participating in hobbies and interests that get her out among other people, taking classes after work, and going to block parties that sound like a good time. None of it has yielded any single men, though. She has expended considerable energy over the years dating and pursuing men but they turn out to be uninterested or they keep her in the friend zone indefinitely. She has developed a complex in which she is convinced that she is inherently unlovable in a romantic way by heterosexual men. I wonder if experiences in her background may be somehow affecting her love life, in addition to her considerable self-consciousness over her physical appearance. Sometimes I wonder if any of her behaviors or interactions are proving self-defeating but I don't know because I live on the other side of the country and don't get to witness them. In our early twenties, she appeared quite confident with men and well-liked by them and I don't know if that was just an act or if something changed over time. (We have not lived near each other since we were in our mid-twenties.) What is especially worrisome about this is that she increasingly feels that her life is meaningless and expresses doubts about why she continues on each day. She insists that she wouldn't commit suicide but I'm now wondering if I should be encouraging her to seek professional help. She does not want professional help because she's been through it before and didn't find it useful. Compounding the situation is that she reports that friends have become more distant in the last year or so as they bear children or find significant others, making her feel still more alone. I used to find it easy to blame the ways of the universe or the perceived shallowness of men for her problems but have since seen enough successful couples of all shapes and sizes to think that there surely must be someone out there for her and wonder if there's just one little thing she needs to do differently to change the situation. I don't know and my rambling post reflects my befuddlement. Has anyone been through this, either as the unhappy singleton or the friend who wants to help? Link to comment
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