Blame in the work place

[reinventmyself]

I have had to set my boss straight more than once. I can remember telling him off in a hallway one night while we were working on an after hours project and he pushed me as far as I could possibly go until I lost it. I don't even recall what I said, it was such a blur. I do remember what I was thinking while I was doing it though.

I was thinking I could possibly loose my job by the time I was done saying everything I wanted to say but in the moment I was ready to set everything on fire and I didn't care. I was crying too. The long, late hours is what pushed me to tears.

 

The best part. . He heard me. Apologized the next day and his level of respect for me went up. That isn't saying much because he's disrespectful on a continual basis.

[Lisii]

If you are such a "team" - maybe its time to talk to the "team" as well - did you actually know you were the last step before it was given to the client beforehand?

 

Also - yes, do not cry. Never cry in the workplace (unless you just heard a parent died, etc.).

 

I knew there was a last step, but was told to hold off on it while they tweaked the app, when I came into the office the next day they were gone... (The technician in his haste just sent them.)

 

I did ask that day whether they were tested prior to sending, I was assured they were...

 

I will try not to cry, I can't help the burning, leaking eyes - I have no control on what they do.

 

I have decided to leave it until Monday, when all staff will be here - safety in numbers I guess, if he decides to check up on events.

 

our "team" is our "company" it is the term we use. - The team(Company) is under a lot of pressure at the moment.

 

I wont let it hinder my weekend, I never take my work home with me. I've been dreaming of a change of environment for a while, and this may just push I need to get out there and start looking..

[ParisPaulette]

If it were me I would send an email to my boss, ccing the technician who sent the apps out along with whoever else was on the project and say something like, "I know you're disappointed in what happened and I am too. I had requested the apps be tested before they went out and (Name) in his haste, appears to have forgotten that and sent them out anyways. I would like to have a meeting with (Name), (Name) and you to ensure this doesn't happen again and there are no further miscommunications of this nature. I value our work together as a team and want to find a solution to ensure this doesn't happen again."

 

Send it and then you go and quietly chew out the guys who told you it'd be tested and who sent it out ahead of time, and be very sharp that you do not appreciate being the one called on the carpet for their errors. Only you know how nasty or nice to be about it, but no I would not let it slide with them at all. They really are the ones who caused it, your boss was just caught in the crossfire and so grabbed the person he thought was responsible - you. And this is where a bit of assertiveness to make sure they don't get the idea that every time something goes wrong you will be the one to be tossed under the bus gets squashed, immediately.

 

In all truth they should have spoken up in that meeting, so for them yeah feel free to get as angry or take as much effort as you can to let your coworkers know being tossed under the bus for their errors is not going to stand. They are the real problem, not your boss. Who got caught in the crossfires and wasn't given full information on what happened.

 

Do speak up about it. I've been in past jobs where I let someone blame me for others mistakes and it only goes downhill from there. So calmly, professionally, explain what happened, offer any solutions you may have, and do whatever you have to do to tell your office mates there is not going to be a next time on this or their heads will roll.

 

And yes, in the meantime if this is a common occurrence and/or it's become a toxic environment then maybe it's time to start job hunting.

[journeynow]

Maybe this is an opportunity to bring in a step for any project you and others are involved in so that it is signed-off on before being sent to the client. No sign-off = no sending. Sign off = ready to send.

[catfeeder]

I was told to wait for him to complete his debug.

 

I would have responded with this, immediately.

[reinventmyself]

Curious as to what happened today, if anything.

[Lisii]

I didn't get a chance to talk to him before end of business, but before i left i handed him a report I had been working on (for a different project), He was very happy/impressed with what I had presented, this lifted my spirits So, I shall talk with him on Monday morning.

 

Thank you everyone for your support and encouragement.

 

I'll let you know what he says 😊

 

xL

[Lisii]

I still haven't spoken with my Boss, he's under stress and I don't wish to be in his firing line.

 

I spoke to the 2IC, he has advised me that after I left on Friday there had been a "revelation" that the app had a fault - so - they are having to fix this now, and the devises need to be returned regardless.. ekkk

 

I'm just going to add it to my list of grievances and when I have my annual performance review next month bring it up with everything else.

 

I may resign before that. CV is currently being updated..

[mustlovedogs]

You waited too long. Your window of opportunity has passed and I think the impression has already been made.

 

Not reacting quickly looks just as bad as doing something wrong, IMO. Even if you brought it up now, I would say "so what? Old news."

[newtothegame98]

Get some gumption and talk to your boss or explain why it wasn't accomplished. Drop names as to who these technicians were. This doesn't sound like it's all on you. Come on

[Lisii]

You waited too long. Your window of opportunity has passed and I think the impression has already been made.

 

Not reacting quickly looks just as bad as doing something wrong, IMO. Even if you brought it up now, I would say "so what? Old news."

 

Possibly..

 

I couldn't respond as my emotions were out of hand, I think would have cause bigger flames.

 

I feel better talking with the 2IC, he knows the truth and will be there in my review next month. -

[mustlovedogs]

That's fair. But I would have dealt with it the very next day and prefaced it with "I should've said this yesterday, but I was taken off guard and needed to compose myself." And then elaborated.

 

It shouldn't take more than one night to compose an answer IMO

[Lisii]

It happened on Friday, Monday (today) was the next business day and I approached the 2IC this morning instead. i said almost exactly that. He understood my situation and how I felt.

[Jibralta]

Lisii, if something like that happens again, I'd recommend saying something simple and forthright at the moment it happens, in front of the whole group: "This is not all my fault, and I won't take the blame for it." That way, you're standing up for yourself without pointing your finger directly at anyone else.

[Lisii]

Thanks Jibralta

 

I will try - I have trouble standing up for myself due to my PTSD**, since this incident I have been offered a job with another company Hopefully I wont need to put up with this again.

 

On Tuesday he did it again, yet this time he blamed two technicians for things that could be brought up in private, for some reason it's a naming and shaming thing going on in the group atm... not cool.

 

I understand he is under stress with other stuff, but his management skills are alot to be desired... golly I don't even want to get into it anymore.

 

 

**I am working on my PTSD, everyone in the work place knows what I have been through (Long story, in short - I worked with them before the domestic violence incident, they asked me back when they heard I moved back to town - small town gossips, everyone unfortunately knows everyone's business) I don't expect special treatment from anyone, I just can't handle direct conflict/aggression so well anymore as I automatically doubt my worth and go into a bubble

[catfeeder]

Lisii, if something like that happens again, I'd recommend saying something simple and forthright at the moment it happens, in front of the whole group: "This is not all my fault, and I won't take the blame for it." That way, you're standing up for yourself without pointing your finger directly at anyone else.

 

It doesn't need to be this harsh or defensive. You stated it simply enough to us: "I was told to wait for any further release until I was notified that a bug that was found was fixed." I would add, "I'm still waiting for that notification."

 

From there it's up to your boss whether or not he wants to ask in front of the group who told you this. If asked, answer, if not, you can use your own discretion as to whether you want to name names.

 

When you have a good reason for your actions, there's nothing confrontational about stating it. Swallowing it doesn't help anyone--it just breaks down communication even further.

[Jibralta]

It doesn't need to be this harsh or defensive.

 

I see it as straight to the point, but I have definitely worked with people who would interpret it as harsh.

[reinventmyself]

I used to be that person who wouldn't speak up because I felt as if I was throwing someone else under the bus.

After a few years of taking the hits, I now speak up. I thought I was 'being professional' or 'part of the team'. But what I learned is no good deed goes unpunished.

It was really uncomfortable doing so in the beginning, in fear of the backlash. But if I'm certain, I stand behind it and let things fall where they may.

Besides I looked around me and noone else had my back and will step over me to save themselves.

Now they think twice

My coworkers just know I have a voice.

I don't use it often, but I will if I need to.

[boltnrun]

Shoot, I ratted out the senior leader on my shift! I did it in an email too, which (unfortunately) my immediate supervisor saw fit to forward to the guy I ratted out. Way to be professional there.

 

Anyway, nothing bad happened. The senior leader and I are fine. He realized there was validity in the points I was making and I understood that he did not have malicious intentions. We're fine, and even have a better working relationship because of it.

[catfeeder]

I see it as straight to the point, but I have definitely worked with people who would interpret it as harsh.

 

It assumes that 'blame' is being leveled prematurely and it hyper-reacts to that with an emotional tantrum rather than just calmly and professionally stating a valid reason for actions taken.

 

If a coworker during lunch were to ask me why I haven't passed the salt, I'd rather respond, "I didn't hear the request, here's the salt..." than react with, "I WON'T TAKE THE BLAME FOR ALL OF YOUR PROBLEMS!"

 

...but that's just me. : )

[Jibralta]

It assumes that 'blame' is being leveled prematurely and it hyper-reacts to that with an emotional tantrum rather than just calmly and professionally stating a valid reason for actions taken.

 

If a coworker during lunch were to ask me why I haven't passed the salt, I'd rather respond, "I didn't hear the request, here's the salt..." than react with, "I WON'T TAKE THE BLAME FOR ALL OF YOUR PROBLEMS!"

 

...but that's just me. : )

 

I am being blamed for it, my boss looked at me in front of all the staff and said how disappointed he was that this happened, and that the steps were not completed.

 

Now that I re-read Lisii's scenario, I see it's possible that he didn't directly accuse her of messing up (which is what I thought). It seems more like he implied it, which is maddeningly slimy and can be tricky to confront directly. In that case, yeah, it would be off the mark to say, "This is not all my fault, yada yada yada," because there is no distinct mark when it's only hinted at.

 

Shouting is excessive in all cases.

 

I don't agree at all that a direct assertion is a tantrum. It's agonistic, sure. But it's the fastest way to end a conflict. Think of the bully on the playground. Show him his limits and he backs off.

[catfeeder]

Now that I re-read Lisii's scenario, I see it's possible that he didn't directly accuse her of messing up (which is what I thought). It seems more like he implied it, which is maddeningly slimy and can be tricky to confront directly. In that case, yeah, it would be off the mark to say, "This is not all my fault, yada yada yada," because there is no distinct mark when it's only hinted at.

 

Shouting is excessive in all cases.

 

I don't agree at all that a direct assertion is a tantrum. It's agonistic, sure. But it's the fastest way to end a conflict. Think of the bully on the playground. Show him his limits and he backs off.

 

I agree, and there are ways to do that without reacting in a hostile way. I tend to document issues or barriers I encounter on any project, and I bring those notes to every status meeting. So if there's any question of my performance or the validity of the steps I've taken--or did not take--I can just recount from my notes every dependency that wasn't completed or any other barriers to performing my own tasks. All without naming names, because whoever was assigned those dependencies that created the barrier are known to the project leader. I'm simply reporting on my own scope, and without trying to deflect a thing.

 

Confidence in your own actions extends to keeping reasonable records and covering your own behind whenever necessary. That needn't involve a defensive posture, it's just a recount of what happened--which isn't exactly news to anyone who has created a barrier.

[aroud]

Hey Lisii - sorry to hear of your recent problem at work.

 

I would just like to say that I have experienced this kind of reaction to problems by a manager before, and frankly it stinks. What I particularly dislike and disagree with is public blaming, especially when the root causes are shrouded in a complex project scenario - such as yours.

 

I think a senior manager needs to be able to assess a situation in a meeting and before passing judgement find out what actually happened, and deal with any reprimand in a 1:1 meeting without risking humiliating and shaming people in front of their peers, which can be very damaging.

 

If we are faced with a manager who takes this approach then yes I agree that we need to have ways to deal with it after the event, including ensuring that they understand what ACTUALLY happened and that you do not needlessly take the blame for stuff that was not your fault. However, if we find ourselves having to repeatedly do this, we need to consider if we're in a healthy workplace, else we risk crucifying ourself when actually we're just working for a bunch of s.

 

The unfortunate truth is that there are horror-show managers out there, and we have a choice if we want to stay working for them. I've worked with some awesome managers, and some terrible ones.

[Lisii]

Thank you everyone for your input. It was great to hear everyone's thoughts, and to be able to chat to you all about it. He has had a word to the technician, but no apology or word to me, not that I would expect it from him. Subject is over, but I will bring it up in my annual review next month.

 

Good news I have been offered another job, in another field, for another private company... I am going to talk with them tomorrow, not sure at this stage what they are offering. Nice that they approached me

 

Thanks again

 

xL

[catfeeder]

Thank you everyone for your input. It was great to hear everyone's thoughts, and to be able to chat to you all about it. He has had a word to the technician, but no apology or word to me, not that I would expect it from him. Subject is over, but I will bring it up in my annual review next month.

 

Good news I have been offered another job, in another field, for another private company... I am going to talk with them tomorrow, not sure at this stage what they are offering. Nice that they approached me

 

Thanks again

 

xL

 

That is great news, and thanks for the update. It demo's that your reputation fabulous, so there's no need to remain working for anyone who fails to recognize the value you bring to a team. I hope you'll keep us posted.

 

Fingers crossed for you.