How can my ex-girlfriend move on so easily after 4 years long deep relationship?

[forbidden]

I hope you take out time to read it. I'm an indian guy. It all started when I was 19 and she was 18. we both were in same college and for next 2.5 years we were together almost all day. we were each other's first everything. I proposed her but she rejected but we were good friends of eachother. When after two months of that rejection, i started moving away from her, she proposed me feeling that if she lost a loving guy like me she will not be able to survive. thats how it all started. all was picture perfect till our college ended. When in college, i helped her getting a job which was located in pune, just to convince her parents. We both had no plans to get her job as she promised me she will never ever leave me. I also dint wanna leave her so i started my own small business in our city. But after college ended, she started to convince me that she wants to go Pune for job, she was breaking her promise, and advocating that she wanna pursue her dream job for our future. With heavy heart, i let her go to other city as i trusted her and always want her happy. After going to other city, within 8 months she started maturing. I was mostly worried for her as she was in other city and took lot of care for her. Lately she thought that i am not ambitious, that i was needy, insecure and clingy. Its just that i was caring for her. I did everything for her happiness, to satisfy her needs. Month ago she broke up with me. She gave reasons that she doesnot feel like initial days of relationship. She doesnt feel that i am as positive as before. She said she has lost all feelings for me and she has fallen for other boy who is her colleague. Now these came in just last 10 days as everything was great before. She broke up with me saying she has no regret, no worry. She even said she doesnot give it a damn if I live or die!! She has broken all contacts with me and told me we will never meet in future. She was my centre of attention and now all of a sudden she is no where. I was always there for her even in her worst times and now she left me broken when i most needed her. Please friends help me out, tell me what should i do and what are possible reasons she broke up with me? As i trust her blindly that she cant cheat on me and that reason about other guy is just cliche. What should i do now?

[rich46]

I hope you take out time to read it. I'm an indian guy. It all started when I was 19 and she was 18. we both were in same college and for next 2.5 years we were together almost all day. we were each other's first everything. I proposed her but she rejected but we were good friends of eachother. When after two months of that rejection, i started moving away from her, she proposed me feeling that if she lost a loving guy like me she will not be able to survive. thats how it all started. all was picture perfect till our college ended. When in college, i helped her getting a job which was located in pune, just to convince her parents. We both had no plans to get her job as she promised me she will never ever leave me. I also dint wanna leave her so i started my own small business in our city. But after college ended, she started to convince me that she wants to go Pune for job, she was breaking her promise, and advocating that she wanna pursue her dream job for our future. With heavy heart, i let her go to other city as i trusted her and always want her happy. After going to other city, within 8 months she started maturing. I was mostly worried for her as she was in other city and took lot of care for her. Lately she thought that i am not ambitious, that i was needy, insecure and clingy. Its just that i was caring for her. I did everything for her happiness, to satisfy her needs. Month ago she broke up with me. She gave reasons that she doesnot feel like initial days of relationship. She doesnt feel that i am as positive as before. She said she has lost all feelings for me and she has fallen for other boy who is her colleague. Now these came in just last 10 days as everything was great before. She broke up with me saying she has no regret, no worry. She even said she doesnot give it a damn if I live or die!! She has broken all contacts with me and told me we will never meet in future. She was my centre of attention and now all of a sudden she is no where. I was always there for her even in her worst times and now she left me broken when i most needed her. Please friends help me out, tell me what should i do and what are possible reasons she broke up with me? As i trust her blindly that she cant cheat on me and that reason about other guy is just cliche. What should i do now?

Sorry to hear about your pain, but it seems like quite a typical scenario that you can read about on a daily basis on these forums.

 

Basically, she pulled away gradually over an extended period of time, something that is very difficult to spot when you are in the midst of it happening. You probably did notice at some subconscious level though, which unfortunately led you to become a bit more clingy and less confident than when you first met. This caused her to lose attraction, hence the gradual pulling away process and when she was ready....gone.

 

I imagine her nastiness post-break up is due to you pursuing her for answers, which you understandably crave. Realise though that a dumper wants nothing less than their ex chasing after them once the decision has been made. Nobody wants to be seen as the bad guy, and your ex will not want to see the hurt she has inflicted on someone she once loved. That will cause her pain. And guilt. So, she will want to eliminate your lingering, and this will occur via avoiding, blocking, insulting, lying...absolutely anything to escape from these guilty feelings and other negative emotions.

 

Most people on this site have been where you are at now, and there is no easy way. Just got to go through the healing process. This can be made quicker if you stop trying to contact her in any way shape or form. You focus on yourself. You exercise daily. You eat healthily. You keep busy. You take up new hobbies. You meet new people. You set goals for yourself. You meditate. You look forwards instead of back. Then slowly slowly, you will heal and your life will continue in a positive manner.

 

Good luck to you, and stay strong.

[MissCanuck]

You two are young and most young relationships don't last forever, simply because each person needs more time to mature.

 

She made promises that weren't very realistic and not reflective of her true desires and ambitions. She's asserting her independence and still figuring out who she is. Young loves don't often survive this transition from the teens years to adulthood.

 

And I agree with the above poster - she had been pulling away for a while and giving signals that she was less and less invested. It hurts when the person finally pulls the plug, but unfortunately it sounds like it was inevitable here. It sounds like some harsh words were exchanged between you two (eg. she doesn't care if you live or die) but try not to take them literally. These comments, while not acceptable, are usually said in anger and not from the heart.

 

Because you're still young, you will certainly have other opportunities in your dating life. I would consider this relationship over, especially because she is dating someone else now. Focus on your recovery now.

[forbidden]

Will she ever come back?

Will she ever regret leaving me?

She was a good girl before!

How come she be so immature to break up via text!

[Wiseman2]

Sorry this happened. Unfortunately LDRs are difficult and you grew apart when you went separate ways.

 

It's not wise to revolve your life around anyone this much they find it smothering. Now is the time to focus on your studies, career, future, friends, family, interests and moving forward with your new freedom.

After going to other city, within 8 months she started maturing. she thought that i am not ambitious, that i was needy, insecure and clingy. She said she has lost all feelings for me and she has fallen for other boy who is her colleague.