His family is causing me to lose him

[musiclover23]

My boyfriend and I have a one, almost 2 year age difference. We have known each other for two years. We met in band, and he became my best friend, he and I did track together, in which we became really close. And the summer after he graduated, we hung out a lot. And we decided to wait a few months before anything just to make sure we still wanted things between us. I made the first move to ask him out. His family however, is kinda different. His parents are very judgmental people, who are quick to assume things.

 

When we first hung-out they had zero trust in him. And even though he is 18, they treat him as though he's a little child. When we began dating, I was optimistic and was hoping they'd be a little more open, and optimistic as well about the idea of him dating someone almost 2 years younger. However, when he asked them to meet me, he was given a very crude, and nasty response. I take standing up for myself very seriously. And I messaged his mother, saying how I was hoping to meet her, to get to know her, because I know she is probably a really great person. However she called me some nasty things, and said some things that were very, very disrespectful. I said, I understood where she was coming from. However she doesn't know me, and she's already decided that she hates me, and that I'm all these things, which I'm far from.

 

Is staying the wrong thing? I don't want to lose him because of his family. His family doesn't dictate my feelings towards him, but is it worth putting myself through the emotional stress, of trying to forget about this women and pretends to know me when she has only seen a few pictures of me. I can't lose someone that means this much to me. I just don't know if his mother is going to interfere with my relationship with him.

[gebaird]

Please keep in mind that these issues have nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. You're right, they don't know you. They're just making assumptions they believe to be true. I wouldn't attempt to contact his family again -- let your boyfriend handle that.

 

Where does your boyfriend stand in all of this? Is he wanting to be in a relationship with you even though his family isn't supportive? Does he have the option of moving out?

[melancholy123]

As long as he lives in their house he has to go by their rules.

 

Now, onto your main problem. I had the exact same problem with my husband's mother when we first were dating. The only difference was I was older than you, 23, and he was 22. Nothing I did was right, she assumed many things about me that were wrong and she told some pretty crazy lies to people about me. There was a time when I was ready to walk away but I wasn't going to give her the satisfaction, so I decided to ignore her crap and focus on him. His dad was a nice man, no problem with him, but his mother was trouble. I quit going to their house for the longest time.

 

In the end we got married and she sort of lightened up but she never did like me. I could have been Princess Diana and she still would not have liked me. Some people you cant win with so you have to decide if you can deal with his folks or not.

[catfeeder]

His family may not credit him with the ability to make his own decisions, but you're making the same mistake.

 

Stop contacting his family and let HIM drive. When you over-reach, you deprive yourself of valuable information. Allow people to show you what they're made of.

[Wiseman2]

She doesn't hate you. She doesn't want her 18 y/o son dating a minor.

 

Yes it was rude and disrespectful to contact and try to sell yourself to his mother and try to control and circumvent the situation and disrespect their rules.

 

On top of being too young, it sounds like they now think you are too sassy and too pushy and too desperate.

he is 18,I was optimistic and was hoping they'd be a little more open, and optimistic as well about the idea of him dating someone almost 2 years younger.

[Capricorn3]

She doesn't hate you. She doesn't want her 18 y/o son dating a minor.

 

Yes it was rude and disrespectful to contact and try to sell yourself to his mother and try to control and circumvent the situation and disrespect their rules.

 

On top of being too young, it sounds like they now think you are too sassy and too pushy and too desperate.

 

I agree with the above. I can totally see it from their point of view and the fact that you think you may be pregnant, at age 16 (your previous thread), seems to confirm their fears.