My boyfriend hides his phone and says I should just trust him

[Esummers]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about a year and we've been having the same problem tho entire time;

 

He's very shady when it comes to his phone AND social media.

 

I don't have Facebook but he does. When I did have it I tried to go on his page to add him and saw inappropriate comments between him and some other girls. This was only a couple weeks into dating. I asked him if he would add me on Facebook and he didn't want to. He said he doesn't add a lot of people we know. Then I decided to confront him about the comments I saw (flirty comments on girls pictures and responses to girls that were flirting with him). He got defensive and said they were just friends and that he "compliments" all of his female friends. I called bs but dropped it for some reason. After that his page was completely private. Time went on and I noticed he would always keep his phone in his pocket and wouldn't leave it in the car if he got out and I stayed in. Basically he has it with him 24/7. I finally had enough a couple months ago and told him how I felt about him having his social media completely private from me and being shady when it comes to how he handles his phone when I'm around. He said that I should just trust him and that he not doing anything wrong. I felt stupid and still kinda do for giving him a chance and letting it go but it's driving me crazy. He does have a set schedule in his life where there's not much time to mess around with other women. He texts me back immediately all the time and he answers me whenever I call. But I can't help but feel that he's entertaining other women over text and social media since he's so secretive about all of it. I think about breaking up with him but then I feel like I'll regret it since I didn't have proof that he is talking to other women but at the same time I don't have proof that he's not. I don't know what to do.

[indea08]

If you don't feel secure with him then don't waste your time. A real man will make you feel like you're the only woman he wants and you won't feel like you need to worry.

 

Life's too short.

[Matt3939]

Sometimes it doesn't matter if you are a real man or not you still get accused. You saw some stuff you decided to just not do anything but let it eat you up. If it's to the point of breaking up. I'd ask to see his phone once. Realize this is a reason for him to break up with you though. If there's nothing he will just let you see it. Same goes for yours. After that I'd say you have to drop it though. That can't be a thing every 6 months or something.

[SooSad33]

OBVIOUSLY, you feel you can't 'trust' him-- bad, bad. of course this ruins relationships.

From FB issue's, onto being overly concerned about HIS phone... etc.

 

If YOU are assuming things are goin on.. then get out of this. Simple. I doubt you feel you see him in it for the long haul- then end it all.. and work at healing and moving on with Life.

 

You NEED to work on removing this 'insecurity'/ trust problems from your life.... and make sure it doesn't travel on with you into future relations.

 

A True relationship, there should be NO concerns, full trust and ability to move forward with comfort- no concerns.

[Esummers]

I was never the jealous type in previous relationships. In fact I had full trust and great communication with my ex's. Since I never had this problem before I didn't quite know how to handle it. I did ask to see his phone once since I figured he would just show me if he had nothing to hide. I told him that I would easily let him see mine and that it wouldn't be a big deal to me. I'm past the point of wanting to see his phone, I've been working on trusting him. However it does irk my nerves and the suspicion comes back every time he makes sure to keep it face down when we're eating or in his pocket at all times. I get that some people are just private with their phones, I do. And I do hope that's just the case with him. But since he has a history of being flirtatious with other girls it's harder to trust him. I'm not asking him to give up all his privacy and show me everything but I am asking him not to hide it. I don't feel that it's fair to ask me to trust him and then proceed to do things that are questionable.

[Sportster2005]

I wouldn't trust him. I believe couple should walk the balance between privacy and trust.

 

I wouldn't give a partner the password to my Facebook, but I would add them. Your partner should also be a friend. I wouldn't give my partner my phone password so they can snoop. If it was urgent I would, and change it later. Someone guarding their phone like your bf isn't insisting on privacy, he's likely hiding something.

 

You're likely not insecure, people are allowed to have reasonable suspicion when faced with suspicious, unexplained behaviour.