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Very complicated and long story which i will shorten as much as possible.


About 7 yr ago i got together with what i thought was my soul mate. She was 18 and i was 23 and we hit it off from the start. The relationship was perfect, we both had basic jobs but we done the best we could with what we had.


Everything was going along nicely. I started a business which took off and we were able to live very comfortable. 6 years passed and everything seemed perfect minus a few drunken arguements. I proposed around April last year and she was the happiest girl alive she said. Everything seemed to be complete but then it just fell apart and went toxic before christmas.


A lot of what happened was both our faults but its taken me a bit of time work out that i was to blame for a lot of it. I started getting paranoid, lost confidence in myself, lost trust in her and used money as a weapon at times. I didnt realise i was doing this either, until a month after we split. Her mate became single and i got jealous of there relationship and the time they were spending together. Some occasions near the end i said some horrible things which she says she cant forget. She tried to tell me a few times about how she was feeling but i was in denial and was passing the blame to her. We tried again, but obviously i didnt realise my errors so was basically a farce and non event.


So after we split she moved into her mates house and has been there since. From her side she says she cant go back into the relationship for fear of me turning into that person again. Its coming up 3 months now and i really want to try again as i know how i changed. We met up when drunk and she spent all night with me till it was taxi home from club. She was holding hands and cuddling. The next day she said she was so drunk and not to read anything into it. I also know now, how much i appreciate her and i know i can make her happy if she allowed me back in her life. I went to her shop on valentines day and gave her a card and perfume. She said i shouldnt have but i explained i want to fight for her back and show her im not that monster she saw towards the end. I followed that up a few days later, with a letter explaining i want to fight for her back and would like to take her on a few dates. I enclosed a spa voucher for her and her best friend. She messaged me saying thank you, and her friend says thank you also. She also said, im not leading you on or anything. To be fair her messages back are very blunt and certainly dont give much away. I also sent her a voice message explaining everything i loved about her and she appreciated that.


On Saturday i called her (related to our dogs, we had 2 but we have split them so we have one each). Basically i was a little frustrated with the lack of engagement back so i said we are going to have to have a total cut off from each other, as it certainly seems over from her point of view. We then began to chat for over an hour and was refreshing to hear here be open and honest. She explained why shes been a bit cold, as she didnt want to give me false hope or the wrong idea. She appreciates everything ive done since we split up and also appreciates me admitting to my faults. She explained how she felt in detail when i was a idiot. She also explained that, at the minute shes enjoying not having the hassle of a relationship although she does miss me. We both agreed that the split has allowed us to grow up which we needed to do. She admitted she relied on me most the time to sort things but has grew up in such a short space of time (Which is all i wanted her to do). We both agreed that the split was the best thing regardless as we have found ourselves again and she wishes things could have been different. So the conclusion i got was, she loves me but she cant get out her head the way i used to flip near the end of the relationship. Ive mentioned going out a few times and that all i want is a chance to prove im not like that and i know where i went wrong as a person. Her thoughts were, she knows we would have a good time if we on a date but doesnt know what she wants.


My trouble is, we were so happy for a lot of the relationship and she made my world. We had so much fun and got each other. I got lost with myself, money and lost confidence due to piling weight on. Ive hit the gym and so much happier in my lifestyle. I feel like the old me again which she love. I guess i want the chance to prove it to her and see if we can get the spark back. Ive got one more gift to her, which is a lightbox which illustrates the 10 best things i love about her on. We have to see each other on wednesday as shes cutting the dog. No idea how to play it from now. I can leave her alone but i run the risk of her loving the single life to much or i can continue showing her what she means without over doing it and giving her space.


All very confusing

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Sounds like the relationship has probably run its course with all the bitterness on her part leading to love lost. I'd suggest you ask her to attend couples counseling to see if you two can get to a place of working together on making a healthy relationship. Separation never does anything to let two people grow together. It is what it is--separation without any accountability to one another.


If she refuses counseling, you need to end contact. It's just keeping you from closure. Get someone else to groom the dogs. Someone who truly loves you will pull out all of the stops and try everything possible before making the big break.

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Yeh, its when i say to her 'if this is the situation then we need to cut all ties', including the dogs. She gets upset, probably more to do with the dog and sort of try's not to go down that route. But will then not message only when it suits her. Maybe ive been acting desperate which probably doesnt help at all


Il play it cool when i see her and play by ear

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Yes, buying gifts for someone who broke up with you is very desperate. You need to back way off. She broke up with you! She clearly does not want a relationship with you and is using you to ease herself into being single. As soon as a new guy catches her interest you will be out of the picture.


I suggest going NC and starting to move on so you don't get your heart broken a second time.

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