16+ years over

[nick66]

Odds are he'll be wanting you back within a few months when the woman he's seeing dumps him.

[Lester]

Spot on Nick.

Just another curve in the long winding, dead end road of infidelity.

[Snowgirl09]

First Mother's Day as an incomplete family. The girls apologized for not having a gift. Told them all I needed was their time and love. We spent the day watching one of my favorite old movies: Breakfast at Tiffanys. They made lunch and we played board games.

Step-daughter even reached out to me today. Overall it was hard, we had traditions that just don't fit into this new path we are forced to be on but I am grateful for the special moments we were able to obtain.

[Snowgirl09]

Today is our 17th anniversary or should I say Un-anniversary. Not sure which is appropriate since we have not filed yet. He probably does not even remember or care. I woke up in tears and cannot get them to stop. I am really hating all the "first" that are happening.

[Jibralta]

Yes, Wiseman2, because of my kid. She came home in tears that some boys in class were teasing her for being teachers pet because her dad is dating their teacher and is not divorced. Her dad & teacher are adults (or just barely an adult) so whatever but when it affects my kid I am not just going to sit and do nothing.

 

Uggh! How horrible!

 

What's stopping you from filing?

 

So sorry you are going through this. Firsts are the worst

[Snowgirl09]

I have not filed yet due to finances. Once I find a place that is less expensive I hope to have the funds to move this divorce forward.

[Snowgirl09]

Met with stbx tonight to discuss the divorce. I even brought the paperwork with me hoping he would agree and sign so we can get this process going. He told me he wants Joint Physical Custody, having the kids spend half of each month with each of us and that I will be the one to pay him child support since I make more money. What the heck? Why is he continually hurting me? He is the one that left the marriage. This is his choice. I don't understand why he would do this when our oldest will surely pull even further away from him. He is supposed to mend his relationship with his daughter, not push her further away. He at least finally admitted that he will be moving in with the teacher girlfriend at the end of the month.

[Jibralta]

People act all kinds of nasty in a divorce. My parents' divorce lasted 4 years because of petty, nasty crap. People lose their heads in a divorce. It's horribly emotional. I'm sure both of my parents paid through the nose for that. My dad was the absolute worst in every way. And in the end he didn't pay child support anyway, so it was all for nothing!!

 

There's a saying, don't pinch pennies and lose dollars. Think about what that monthly child support payment will cost you over time, and then think about what you will have to pay your lawyer to fight every battle in this divorce. The child support payment could actually be the cheaper option in the long run, and save you your peace of mind.

[Lester]

1. Do what's heart and head that's best for the kids.

2. Make money a distant second consideration.

 

You wrecked his thrill and he's trying directly and indirectly punish you for it. (But he has no idea why!)

Keep moving forward.

 

Soon, he's going to be 'taught' by his "girlfriend", she's no you.

[Snowgirl09]

UPDATE: met with husband, stbx, and he finally agreed to the paperwork. YAY! Did not blink an eye that oldest daughter does not want to live with him and teacher girlfriend. Even agreed to no child support money, no alimony and does not want any retirement funds. Going to borrow the money because I don't have it and he does not have it due to moving and buying himself a new car. I want to file the paperwork before he changes his mind.

[Snowgirl09]

Our youngest is heading off to her dads tomorrow for 3 weeks. First time she will be in his new home with the girlfriend. She is nervous but I am trying to do the right thing and keep her calm, telling her it will be okay and she will adjust to it in time. But all I really want to say is you can come home anytime just call me. It is hard to let her go but again trying to keep my feelings hidden.

 

He has still not reached out to our oldest. She wrote him a letter letting him aware of her feelings, I did not read it but she did tell me about it. He called me the afternoon she gave it to him and told me she wants nothing to do with him. That was not what she explained to me. She told me that she will visit with him with her sister present but will not live in the same house as the girlfriend. She asked that he keep the girlfriend away from her and keep her out of her business. That is not writing off her father. I told him he needed to talk to our daughter that I am sure he misunderstood. Still not a word from him to her. Unbelievable!!!

[Jibralta]

It's amazing how people will believe only what they want to believe!

[Lester]

It's amazing how people will believe only what they want to believe!

 

It's not what they want to believe, it's what they must believe.

This shield protects them from thinking about what's right and wrong.

[Snowgirl09]

Papers were filed last week, I am really hoping that I get the call today that the divorce is finalized. It is my birthday and that would be the best present.

 

STBX is causing issues with our oldest daughter. He called me on Saturday morning telling me that we need to sit our oldest down for a talk because she is telling her friends that he left me for the band teacher, it got to some of the parents who are also band parents, who mentioned it to the said teacher. Told him I have plans this weekend. He insisted I make the time.

 

I talked to our daughter, she said that no she did not directly say that. She said that her father left our family and he started a new relationship rather quickly and moved in with her. She was asked if she knew the person and she told them yes, it is the band teacher at school. How did she do anything wrong? I did explain that she should be careful who she speaks with and what is said. But that talking to her friends is okay, that is her release.

 

STBX called me again last night insisting to come over to co-parent our daughter when we got home from our activity. I told him not tonight which infuriated him. Sorry, I had a long weekend, told you I had plans, I talked to our daughter, what more needs to be done. So now he tells me that he will just have to handle this another way. What does that mean?

[Lester]

Never been in your shoes, but think it's best to talk to your attorney about this.., not him!

 

Always avoid three-ring circus's!

Especially when one is a child.

[Jeffbobo]

When it comes to matters like this with the kids, the attorneys and courts really don't want to be involved. And they shouldn't. Co-parenting is the responsibility of both parents and shouldn't involve the courts. BOTH parents need to separate out their feelings toward one another and how they talk to their children about the other parent.

 

Your ex husbands relationship with his daughter is his alone and should not involve you at all. It's HIS responsibility to foster that relationship. It's HIS responsibility to sit down and have a heart to heart with his daughter. There really isn't a need to sit down together as a family (you, ex, daughter) because that family has been dissolved.

 

This is how I conduct things with my kids.

 

Their mom isn't even involved in any discussions and I run things as if I'm truly a single parent. If they have a beef with their mom? Then that's between their mom and them and they have to deal with it. Teaches them good life skills.

[Snowgirl09]

I totally agree Jeffbobo. He needs to have the discussion and not put me in the middle. I told him that and he insists we need to co-parent and tell our daughter we are on the same page.

[Jeffbobo]

I told him that and he insists we need to co-parent and tell our daughter we are on the same page.

 

Co-parenting is not getting together and him getting you to agree to whatever he says to tell your daughter. Co parenting is sharing parental responsibility for you children; Joint, shared custody of your children. That's it. The key here is doing it separately. When the kids are with him, he's 100% THE responsible parent. That's his time to bond, share and focus on them without you around.

[chitown9]

I guess it is tough on the kids to have a relationship with their father knowing how stupid he has been and is continuing to be.:stupid: Anyone with half a brain knows that this "relationship" with his newfound young chick is going to crash and burn. It is just a matter of time. He is going to wind up to be alone and sad in his old age. What a fool. chi

[Snowgirl09]

Got the call on Friday afternoon the divorce paperwork was rejected. We have to refill it out being more specific about the child custody for the daughter who does not want to live with him. Also ding a ling stbx signed the papers in a totally different ink then how we filled them out and that was not allowed.

 

Last night I was told by my step daughter (she is 20) that the younger girlfriend changed her status on FB to announce her relationship with stbx. Step daughter is not impressed and told me her father is an idiot, even told him that.

 

They (stbx) have no idea yet that the paperwork has to be redone plus the filing fee has to be paid again. Karma, are you starting to make your presence known?

[Lester]

Don't allow yourself/daughter to be caught up in malicious thoughts.

You don't need vindication, and they will slow/stop healing.

[Schratz]

Twinflamer, just curious - you said you hit that point at the 22 year mark of your marriage. But also say you are married 39 years now. Did you reconcile ? If so, how long did it take ?

[Snowgirl09]

I got the call this morning, divorce is finalized. I can pick up the decree anytime. Not sure how I feel about this. I know it sounds silly but I feel a little happy and sad at the same time. I get to be the one to tell him also. Not sure why the court will not just mail his paperwork to him but I was told it is up to me to let him know and provide him his copy. Crazy!!!

[Jibralta]

I am glad for you. I can also see how it is sad.