I don't trust my pilot husband anymore

[Jibralta]

I thought he would come up with a plan instead he just expects me to forgive and forget.

 

Why in the world would he expect you to forgive and forget?

 

Oh, because YOU DO.

 

He knows exactly how to play you.

 

The story about the stewardess tells me all I need to know about him: he does not respect women. And his friends do not respect women.

 

If the stewardess gave him those pictures herself, it would be a different story. But your husband's friend shared them. It takes a special kind of sleazeball to enjoy something like that.

 

I think you should forget about therapy and pack your bags. You and your kid are better off without him!

[Wiseman2]

The story about the stewardess tells me all I need to know about him

 

]

[Jibralta]

]

 

 

Oh man, I love that movie.

[anicole]

This is a big deal, don't allow him to put you through this. You can pray more and bring him to a church.

[jb30]

Thank you all for your comments! I have another problem now. My cell phone service is under my husband's name. So today he signed up for a family locator. He probably doesn't realize it but every time he checks my location I get a text message. We don't talk anymore and he is away for his job... I told him that I need my space and don't want to talk to him. he said ok and to let him know when I do want to talk again... The cell phone service provider says that because it's my husband's account he can track my phone. I don't have any income at this point and can't get a separate cell phone service yet. He says that me not talking to him is getting ridiculous and that I should have some respect and respond to his texts.

[reinventmyself]

Thank you all for your comments! I have another problem now. My cell phone service is under my husband's name. So today he signed up for a family locator. He probably doesn't realize it but every time he checks my location I get a text message. We don't talk anymore and he is away for his job... I told him that I need my space and don't want to talk to him. he said ok and to let him know when I do want to talk again... The cell phone service provider says that because it's my husband's account he can track my phone. I don't have any income at this point and can't get a separate cell phone service yet. He says that me not talking to him is getting ridiculous and that I should have some respect and respond to his texts.

 

After everything you have shared, he may have a point here. You two not talking is a little ridiculous.

You are entitled to take a moment to collect your thoughts but you two have maybe too much time apart and not enough communication to begin with.

This isn't helpful.

 

Do you really need some space or are you enjoying him being the insecure pursuer now? It's ok. . In light of everything, I might enjoy it myself but

the bottom line is none of this is not going to save your marriage.

 

So. . when are you going to get off the side lines and get into the game?

[Wiseman2]

Get a cheap prepaid phone. Or ask a friend or relative if you can be on their plan. How did you pay for the recovery software to tap into his phone? Why the cat-and-mouse games and silent treatment? How long have you two been operating at this level? It must be awful.

 

Use your husbands flying benefits and go travel and visit friends and family or go away with friends/family. It's a hell of a lot more fun than these games.

every time he checks my location I get a text message. The cell phone service provider says that because it's my husband's account he can track my phone. I don't have any income at this point and can't get a separate cell phone service yet. He says that me not talking to him is getting ridiculous and that I should have some respect and respond to his texts.

[reinventmyself]

. I don't have any income at this point and can't get a separate cell phone service yet..

 

I had to come back and respond to this. This is the second time you've made an excuse because `you don't have an income'

But you do. As a stay at home wife he is supporting you but you are entitled to have access to family income.

If you don't have access to it then you have a bigger problem.

 

I have been in your shoes and I did go to therapy (despite my ex's wishes) because I was on his insurance and entitled to support.

I also signed up for pager (dating myself here) so my attorney could get ahold of me without having to call the house phone.

 

As things escalated my ex ultimately blocked all the accounts which in turn made him in contempt of the court.

Prior to that I had taken half the money in savings and put it in a savings account in my name only.

 

I know you haven't gotten to this point. . but I can't help but think you are making excuses.

It's ok. . .getting to this point is a process. It doesn't sound like you are there yet.

 

But you are not helpless. . .It's important that you know you have more power than you believe.

[boltnrun]

It took me two full years before I finally decided to file for divorce. In those two years I worked and saved up money in a bank account I opened in my name only and started looking for an apartment for me and my kids. I figured if things worked out and I didn't need the apartment after all, I'd have a nice nest egg saved up for a vacation for my family. But it turned out that I did file for divorce. I didn't feel helpless because I'd been preparing "just in case".

 

I recommend you at least get a part time job so you won't be completely dependent on your husband's income. If he asks, you can tell him that it makes you feel productive to have a job. Then save money "just in case". And if things work out you can use the money you saved to splurge on something nice.

[jb30]

How did you pay for the recovery software to tap into his phone? Why the cat-and-mouse games and silent treatment? How long have you two been operating at this level?

 

I used free trial version for the software. and it's been one week since I stopped talking to him. I'm not trying to play any games, I'm trying to decide what I should do-divorce or not. He's pressuring me into deciding if I will give him another chance or not and keeps asking what's going on between us even though he knows. He just doesn't think it's serious. And I feel like if I start talking to him now I will have to have a decision ready. I met with a lawyer already and leaning towards divorce even though I have doubts still. I haven't told anything to my family yet because if I do decide to give my marriage another chance I don't want my mom and others to have those negative feelings against him and awkwardness..

[reinventmyself]

I'm sorry. This has to be a difficult time for you.

[Jibralta]

It took me two full years before I finally decided to file for divorce. In those two years I worked and saved up money in a bank account I opened in my name only and started looking for an apartment for me and my kids. I figured if things worked out and I didn't need the apartment after all, I'd have a nice nest egg saved up for a vacation for my family. But it turned out that I did file for divorce. I didn't feel helpless because I'd been preparing "just in case".

 

I recommend you at least get a part time job so you won't be completely dependent on your husband's income. If he asks, you can tell him that it makes you feel productive to have a job. Then save money "just in case". And if things work out you can use the money you saved to splurge on something nice.

 

JB30, I think it's probably better for you to decide upon divorce and quietly get your ducks in a row, rather than be all obvious and dramatic by not talking to him. There is definitely a problem here, and you are causing more problems for yourself by having a silent-treatment reaction rather than a plan of action.

[Heavy]

This relationship is over and has been for sometime.

 

You are fighting yourself to make this choice when it has already been made for you by him with his acts. Your child will be fine, people break up everyday for less than what your husband is doing too you.

[Grace529]

JB. I am so sorry you're going through this and especially with a child. I personally dated a pilot for a long time. He was on dating sites in every city he flew out. I met him on a site and he never left that site. What I would do was I would create a fake profile and sure enough he would take the bait and set up a date. A couple of times he drove out an hour to meet someone who would never show up (me) We eventually broke up and he recently started dating someone, but he still texts me and when we are together he tries to hold my hands and if I let him, he would sleep with me.

 

Pilots have a lot of time on their hands. I dated another pilot that I met on a site who said he lived in my city and turned out to live 3000 miles away. I would meet him for the day and we would go to a museum then dinner then he would try to get me to go to his hotel room. He would never be available to talk when he was home and his phone was always off when he was around me. 2 dates and he was out of my life. I figure he had a girlfriend or wife and he was trying very hard not to be found out. Both these men were liars and cheaters and I swore I would never date another one again, then while on a plane I got to sit next to another pilot who was deadheading home and he got very friendly with me, as soon as the plane landed I ran off without saying goodbye while he was in the bathroom.

 

I hope that with counseling you can salvage your marriage and he never has the need to cheat on you. Unfortunately it is too easy for them to cheat.