Boyfriend wishy washy with plans

[Shorthaired]

We have been together for a couple of months.

 

He claims he loves me. Today we were supposed to have lunch. I asked him few days ago about time/place and he told me he will let me know. He doesn't let me know at all, although contacts me about other things. I keep quiet.

 

The day of plans, at 6am he wishes me good morning and I tell him to have a "good day". He then said we will catch up for lunch later in the day. I said "time/place"? At first he changes the topic then says that he will confirm when he gets to work. 11am and still nothing. I text him "Let's just do another day". He asks "Why? Are you busy?". I said "No, but given that it's nearly lunch time and I have no confirmation, what am I supposed to think?" He asks me "When are you free?" I name time/place. 30 minutes no reply. I text again "Seriously you don't know what you will be doing in less than 2 hours?" He then agrees to plans.

 

I say "forget it" and we have an argument about how I am sick of him never committing to plans etc. It's just lunch why is it so hard? He apologizes and says that he is just chaotic and bad with time management. He asks to see me later in the day then and I say no.

 

This is about third time something like this happened.

 

Am I over-reacting?

[Wiseman2]

Whoa, few red flags. He claims he loves you 8 weeks into dating?

 

It sounds like he's multidating and/or still communicating/hung up on an ex. That's often what flaking/blowing off plans indicates.

 

Unfortunately he sounds to flaky to date and doesn't honor his commitments or respect your time. You may want to spare yourself future frustration and cut your losses.

a couple of months.He claims he loves me.I say "forget it" and we have an argument about how I am sick of him never committing to plans etc. It's just lunch why is it so hard? He apologizes and says that he is just chaotic and bad with time management.

[Matt3939]

Sounds like you have a bf who is horrible at things that require time or decisions. My best friend is like that. It used to drive me insane cause I'm so the opposite. Now I just call it the (insert name) factor. Does he have OCD? that could make it hard for him it's a factor with my friend.

[j.man]

If this is the third time, this is who he is. It's not my style, there are people who play by ear rather than plan in advance. Was he working and wanting to meet during a lunch break that he wouldn't have a definite time for until it happened? Regardless, you're not some helpless party here, though. If he's not setting a place and time, then you do it. If he can't oblige, then oh well. There's no reason to stay on hold until the afternoon if you know it will only cause you to build resentment.

[greta96]

No you are not over reacting, I am the same way and it drives me batty not knowing what I will be doing until the last moment. I like knowing ahead of time, so I know how to plan my day, my outfit, my shower, etc.

Some people are very spontaneous and are able to be out the door with 10 minutes notice. I am not like that, and probably you aren't either. He is the opposite, it seems.

 

You will need to communicate with him, and let him know it is important to you to know what the plans are ahead of time. Let him know that you need at least X amount of hours/days notice, and see if anything changes.

[Shorthaired]

Whoa, few red flags. He claims he loves you 8 weeks into dating?

 

It sounds like he's multidating and/or still communicating/hung up on an ex. That's often what flaking/blowing off plans indicates.

 

Unfortunately he sounds to flaky to date and doesn't honor his commitments or respect your time. You may want to spare yourself future frustration and cut your losses.

 

I got so pissed off! Who can't commit to a time and place few hours before? And it's a mid week work lunch hour. not even a date night. Multi-dating during lunch hour on the particular day we agreed on a while ago? Gross.

[Shorthaired]

I even asked him if it's due to his work and he doesn't know when he will be free? He actually said no, he can take lunch any time he wants to, he is just terrible with finalizing plans.

[Wiseman2]

Of course you know that's bull. Everyone shows up for what's important to them. For example he wouldn't have a job or be able to get on a plane if he "was bad at finalizing plans". He's blowing you off...repeatedly. Don't allow for the excuses. Poor him he's got this or that disorder etc.

he is just terrible with finalizing plans.

[Hollyj]

We have been together for a couple of months.

 

He claims he loves me. Today we were supposed to have lunch. I asked him few days ago about time/place and he told me he will let me know. He doesn't let me know at all, although contacts me about other things. I keep quiet.

 

The day of plans, at 6am he wishes me good morning and I tell him to have a "good day". He then said we will catch up for lunch later in the day. I said "time/place"? At first he changes the topic then says that he will confirm when he gets to work. 11am and still nothing. I text him "Let's just do another day". He asks "Why? Are you busy?". I said "No, but given that it's nearly lunch time and I have no confirmation, what am I supposed to think?" He asks me "When are you free?" I name time/place. 30 minutes no reply. I text again "Seriously you don't know what you will be doing in less than 2 hours?" He then agrees to plans.

 

I say "forget it" and we have an argument about how I am sick of him never committing to plans etc. It's just lunch why is it so hard? He apologizes and says that he is just chaotic and bad with time management. He asks to see me later in the day then and I say no.

 

This is about third time something like this happened.

 

Am I over-reacting?

 

 

This is who he is, either you accept it, or move on.

 

I am a planner, and so I would have a big problem with it.

 

I also think that telling you that he loves you so early on, is a big red flag!

[Shorthaired]

This is who he is, either you accept it, or move on.

 

I am a planner, and so I would have a big problem with it.

 

I also think that telling you that he loves you so early on, is a big red flag!

 

I am not sure this is who he is really. I think this is who he is with someone he is stringing along.

 

Not being a planner and not being able to confirm plans in

[Hollyj]

I am not sure this is who he is really. I think this is who he is with someone he is stringing along.

 

Not being a planner and not being able to confirm plans in

 

Unfortunately, there are people like this. How was he when you first started dating?

 

You have not been together very long, don't you think you should cut your losses?

[j.man]

You've only been together a couple months. This is the third time this has happened. It doesn't work for you. Are you looking for a man to love or a man to nag?

 

No one can tell you that you can't be upset over it, but why stay in a position to be repeatedly so? It doesn't make sense.

 

Additionally, there's your lack of assertiveness. Nothing has once stopped you from letting him know you can't commit to lunch without having a day and time ahead of time.

 

There's nothing wrong with plans on a whim. He hits you up at 11:30 and asks if you're free at 12:30 to meet him for lunch, you either are or you aren't. If that's not an attitude you can adopt, then next the guy. No one would blame you.

[Shorthaired]

Our second date was lunch. He not only gave me time and place but he also called and booked the restaurant 3 days in advance. He is well capable of it.

[DancingFool]

Either he is losing interest or you are starting to see his true colors. Either way, so early on why fight about it? Tell him it's not working out for you and move on. I mean if this was just a once off, but three times in 2 months.....a bit much.....

 

You are not going to teach a grown man how to behave. If you are not happy with how he is being so early on, that's your clue to that you are not compatible and need to keep looking for someone else. No need to fight about it or cling on when you've just barely gone out on a handful of dates for a couple of months. Nothing to fix here.

[Shorthaired]

Either he is losing interest or you are starting to see his true colors. Either way, so early on why fight about it? Tell him it's not working out for you and move on. I mean if this was just a once off, but three times in 2 months.....a bit much.....

 

You are not going to teach a grown man how to behave. If you are not happy with how he is being so early on, that's your clue to that you are not compatible and need to keep looking for someone else. No need to fight about it or cling on when you've just barely gone out on a handful of dates for a couple of months. Nothing to fix here.

 

I think I am seeing his true colors. There are really no other signs of loss of interest.

[Wiseman2]

Exactly. He's flaking, not the absent minded professor.

 

Tell him it's not working out before he sends you the "confused, need space" text, which is often the next step in these scenarios.

Our second date was lunch. He not only gave me time and place but he also called and booked the restaurant 3 days in advance. He is well capable of it.

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