strongemily Posted January 29, 2017 Share Posted January 29, 2017 It has been nearly a year since we broke up, although the first few months were really rocky and we kept seeing each other until I had to move away for work. I always wanted to get back with him but he was convinced we wouldn't work out, but at the same time he would say he hoped we would end up together in the future. Unfortunately, I hung onto that until he seemed to have changed his mind or something, and then we went no contact for a few months. However, we had to see each other last week for a thing that I don't want to describe on here, but it was a very stressful and not fun thing that spanned several days. Still, since we HAD to see each other and we basically were in it together, I reached out to him when I was in the area in December to meet up so that we could clear the air a bit and that way I wouldn't have so much added anxiety in having to see him for last week. It was fine, but it came out that he still loved me and obviously I still love him, but that was pretty much it. Last week, after holding each others' hands to get through this stressful event, we spent a little time together in his car after everything was all over. Before this, he had told me he was seeing someone now, but he missed me and didn't think he would ever get over his feelings for me and wanted to end things with this new girl. I objectively explained that we had something really strong and that he shouldn't expect so much of himself to get over me so quickly, and that it was perfectly acceptable to still have feelings for me... wasn't sure if dragging another girl into this was smart, though, but I didn't go into that much. He said that telling me he was seeing someone else felt like he had just told me he was cheating on me... weird. Eventually, while sitting in his car, he was hugging me and holding me and it gradually got more intense until he kissed me. He was saying he was still in love with me, that he still thought of me so often, still looked at pictures of us, that I was the most amazing person he has known, that he had always felt so safe in a relationship with me, that seeing me was so hard because he couldn't control himself around me, that we had a lot of good times in our relationship but he had ended it for a reason (arguing, he says it's all his fault for having anger and anxiety and commitment issues) and didn't think we would ever work out. I told him, look, you just need to tell me it's over and stop doing this. He said You've asked this before, and I want to tell you it's over, but half of the time I'm not sure. He knows how I feel - that I think we COULD work things out, and he says he's the one who gave up on us. Yet... he still loves me ? I just don't understand how he can love me so intensely and yet not want to even give us another shot. Now, it's kind of easier NOT trying again because yeah I live across the country from him right now. HOWEVER, he is trying his DAMNDEST to get transferred out to the exact area I am in! What is that supposed to mean? Well, I know what it all means. He's confused, doesn't know himself what he wants. As long as he is confused, I need to let him go and move on. It just sucks. He says he hasn't changed at all, and doesn't think that our issues will change, that they will just come back. How can I show him that it's possible for us to work through our issues if he doesn't give us another chance? I left him telling him I would only text him regarding a job transfer because I can pull strings to get him out here, but otherwise I didn't want him to contact me. I don't know what I'm looking for. I shouldn't be looking for words of hope, really, because anything can happen. I just... I don't get how he can so adamantly not want to try a relationship again when it has been nearly a year of breaking up and he still loves me. Why would someone want to give up the chance of being with someone they love that intensely? Link to comment
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