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So my ex professor has offered to drive us to a seminar that is about 5 hours away. I mentioned on social media that I was going to this event and he pmed me stating that he was really glad I was going and would drive me there if I wanted because he would like the company. I have said I will split all the costs. Why do you think he has offered to drive me there? Is he just being nice? We aren't really close in terms of a friendship and because of my feelings towards him I'm excited but also fed up of not knowing if he is playing the long game or just being nice and offering me a lift. I imagine he is well off so I don't think it would be to do with money...

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Makes sense to carpool if your both going to the same thing. Why not? Sounds like he's being kind since you are broke and his former student.


Even though you want him to make a pass because of your crush, has he been inappropriate? You are staying in and paying for your own room so it doesn't sound like it.


In love-obsessions it's very common to perceive any gesture as a "sign" that the interest is mutual, but as yet unrealized.

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I'm not broke though? I don't know if it would be weird for me to accept the ride? He is known for being promiscuous so if anyone found out they would jump to conclusions and find it strange. I know I shouldn't worry what others think. I'm also worried that he will invite other people closer to his age and they will find it odd that I am there...

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In all honesty I do want something to happen. But it is 5 months until the seminar and I honestly think this will eat away at me. The sane part of me knows that there is a 90% chance that he is just being nice. But he is single too and I just wonder if there is a motive behind him asking this. It isn't a 15 minute journey it is quite a few hours. We aren't really good friends. In fact, I wouldn't even say we were friends.

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okay,and you're no longer his student but you see him for something work related?


when he's asked you for coffee and lunch or what was it, did something happen, or did you just chat kindly?


what kind of promiscuous? he just had many partners or something inappropriate?


i can't quite figure out the professional part of your involvement. if you work for the same uni, it may be a crush best quenched.


i read the other threads, to me it all sounds like he's being friendly, kind, helpful. nothing out of the ordinary for professors to help post grads with some encouragement and guidance.


my thumb rule would be as long as he is not making it clear he is interested (and if he were he could make that crystal clear in seconds), take it that he isn't.


infatuated grown men with actual intentions are rarely cryptic and demure.

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Yeah I'm not his student and just asked for some advice on something - we have no work related relationship any longer.

Yeah I think that ia the frustrating thing that nothing is clear. But perhaps a part of him enjoys that? Maybe it is a game to him/he feels that I would reject him. He has made subtle comments about my looks before but nothing that I have reacted to.


Just chatty with a little flirtying/teasing on his part. Talking about people not being suited for uni and he said 'well we accepted you to this uni' in a playful way etc.


Mainly rumours. I don't really know much about his personal life, but I'm sure that is something that will be solved in a 6 hour car journey.

Also he waited a few hours before the private message - does that show he was thinking about me? Perhaps just in a caring way though?

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i've had teachers throw playful compliments like that that didn't mean anything but kindness. it's hard to tell not having seen it.


do you feel confident being in a car with him for 6 hours?


you still have time to tell him you got a different ride, and then see if he tries to initiate hanging out just with you after the seminar. in any case, not to be paranoid, but make sure if alone, you're not "too alone". will you know anyone at the seminar? people from your field, your age?

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I just don't understand why a 50 something would want to spend hours in a car with a 20 something? I mean i want to spend hours with him because he is fascinating and I don't think I would ever be bored of being in his company. But I'm not that interesting!



Maybe he just wants to have sex with you. Interesting is not always a prerequisite for that.

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I don't think he would try anything in the car other than a 'get to know' however I'm not sure about the evening as there is a big dinner and wine will be flowing. This could still all be in my head though. And as said previously because I like him I will be imagining the possibility of something happening. I won't know anyone there but he will know people there. The mean surely he would just have told me by now if he likes me? There aren't many people I would offer a 6 hour car journey to...

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