Is this financial abuse or am I an ungrateful wife?

[Hollyj]

A couple years ago when we went to the bank, I was under the understanding that we were creating joint account. As we were talking to the bank associate, he said that I would be depositing my cheques into the account but he would continue to deposit his cheques into his account. I was shocked so did not say anything. Since then, he has not actually taken anything that I don't give permission to take, but as said, he sees all of my account activity and I see none of his.

 

Good grief! Why would you agree to this???

[Ms Darcy]

This sounds way too convoluted for any of us to tell what's equitable for your particular situation. Set up your own account and suggest counseling for the contribution and distribution of finances.

 

I agree. Add to this, I think you both need a budget. That's likely what a financial counselor would have you do anyway. And if you do 95 percent of the cleaning, cooking ... well, there's value to that too. I'd consider valuing it and adding that to your financial contribution.

 

But it largely sounds like you both need to be looking at concrete information together and agreeing on what's fair.

 

I also agree that you should have your own account and transfer funds into the shared account for the shared expenses.

[Ms Darcy]

It's such a mess you'd be better off talking to a financial advisor. It sounds like as a couple and as individuals you are living above your means. Your system puts you in a very vulnerable position with almost zero financial security, and so yes, you should change it.

 

Generally, I agree that it sounds like you guys were/are living above your means. (The flag for me was when you said you're paying off wedding expenses.)

[Lester]

It sounds like he has decided to do a one-sided renegotiation of vows and promises he made to you.

 

Do you remember the vows and promises he made to you Win?

What were they?

[Wiseman2]

You need to talk to an attorney about his hiding assets. In a marriage that's not how it goes. Were you married when you were in school?

 

Economic abuse is only one factor in the bigger picture of emotional abuse. Start saving some money in cash and start to develop an exit plan. I have no clue about his because I don't see his bank account. For example, one night when I picked him up from work, I wanted him to pump the gas. He said I should do it because he pays for "everything". He gets mad at me and says that because he supported me through school that now I owe him.