Please help me finally let it all go, 2.5 years later

[miss_sunshine]

Hi guys

 

I won't rehash my whole relationship but I was with my ex for 12 years. He left suddenly for someone else. I have come a long way since then and know he was the wrong person for me. I just want to know how to finally let go of all the pain. It still keeps me up at night often thinking about how someone who was my best friend was able to betray me so badly and as much as I know I am better off without him, the rejection still hurts. It hurts to see that he is still with this person and as much as I am not jealous of their relationship, it hurts that I was replaced and that I wasn't enough for him. My mind still seems to focus a lot on the good memories and basically I still find the whole thing very hurtful and confusing. It is still a deep cut in my heart and I haven't been able to really make peace with it all and move on. It is not often but I still find myself trying to understand it and I know that I never will be able to. I know he must have never really shared his true self with me in many ways and that I do still put him on a pedestal which he certainly does not deserve. Has anyone else found themselves in the same position and how did you finally let it go? I feel a lit bit crazy sometimes that it still hurts my heart so much in times when I am alone and have lots of time to think.

 

I want to find a way to make peace with it all and be able to sleep better and see him and the relationship for what it really was. Any advice would be appreciated.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. It may be time to start dating and rebuilding your life and chance at love.

 

It would also help to get therapy to rethink many of these cognitive distortions such as "I wasn't enough for him", "I was replaced" and "I do still put him on a pedestal"

He left suddenly for someone else.

[Brotherhood67]

Hi guys

 

I won't rehash my whole relationship but I was with my ex for 12 years. He left suddenly for someone else. I have come a long way since then and know he was the wrong person for me. I just want to know how to finally let go of all the pain. It still keeps me up at night often thinking about how someone who was my best friend was able to betray me so badly and as much as I know I am better off without him, the rejection still hurts. It hurts to see that he is still with this person and as much as I am not jealous of their relationship, it hurts that I was replaced and that I wasn't enough for him. My mind still seems to focus a lot on the good memories and basically I still find the whole thing very hurtful and confusing. It is still a deep cut in my heart and I haven't been able to really make peace with it all and move on. It is not often but I still find myself trying to understand it and I know that I never will be able to. I know he must have never really shared his true self with me in many ways and that I do still put him on a pedestal which he certainly does not deserve. Has anyone else found themselves in the same position and how did you finally let it go? I feel a lit bit crazy sometimes that it still hurts my heart so much in times when I am alone and have lots of time to think.

 

I want to find a way to make peace with it all and be able to sleep better and see him and the relationship for what it really was. Any advice would be appreciated.

 

I went through something very similar to your story.

 

You need to believe some truths in order to really move on.

 

First of all, you need to realize that a Relationship is built on a very specific structure which involves the desires of twho completely different human beings. It's not about "being enough" or "being better" or "being replaced". It's about the fact that no matter what you would have done, there is nothing you could have done in order to "keep" him. He made his own way. He made a decision. He chose to go with this girl because he wanted to.

 

You are not to blame. This is not your fault. You are not replaced by a new model, your Relationship just ended, for a lot of reasons.

 

So, from the ashes of what was destroyed, he built something else which has very little to do with you, except what he learned from you and what he will keep in his heart and mind about you. And that's all there is to say.

 

Forgive yourself, let go of this ego, let go of all these thoughts because, for real, you are not to blame.

[tattoobunnie]

You need to retrain your brain, and disassociate!

 

First, make sure everything that reminds you of him, you throw out, give away, or put out of sight. This includes all social media! Block him - it will help you to stop cyberstalking him and the girl.

 

Second, go learn something new. I don't care what. Bellydancing, gourmet cooking, yoga, tennis, mountain climbing, Pilates.

 

Third, go find a bigger problem in life that gets you out of the box you've been living in. Go volunteer - soup kitchen, kid programs, meals on wheels, food drives.

 

Fourth, go make new friends. Date for fun. Go dancing.

 

And something you have to do each day. Look yourself in the mirror, and say aloud, "I'm awesome!"