Her name, social posts and facebook profile were all fake. What would you do?

[Tanzi]

Janet contacted me the next day and said Bill was hitting on her which was why she was uncomfortable. I am not happy with Bill and will follow up with him separately.

 

However, the issue I am trying to wrap my head around today is that during our whole friendship, her entire facebook profile was fake.

I was too busy with real life to read through people's profile so when this circumstance happened, I went to her profile (it is still fully open to me) and found that it was a fake profile under "Janet".

- No pictures of her or anyone

- No history of any real posts

- No friends liking her posts

 

It was merely a profile made so she can view the profiles of new people and friends she meets, while shielding them from knowing anything about her background, education, family or friends.

 

I wish I found this out at the start.

 

I'm not sure I would go as far as saying her Facebook profile was "fake". She told you right from the start that she likes to be called "Janet" and that it wasn't her real name. As far as Facebook goes she hasn't created a fake persona as such, she just hasn't added anybody or anything to it. To me that suggests she is being more secretive than fake. Why she would be so secretive, though, I don't know.

 

And you could have found this out right from the start had you looked. So, in that sense, she wasn't hiding the fact that she was being secretive - if that makes sense!

 

I'm not sure why she is acting the way she is, it's not as as if you are in control of Bill's actions. Neither is she the first girl to be hit on. Regardless, even if you had checked out her Facebook earlier on, I doubt it would have altered how you felt about your friendship at the time and therefore what happened thereafter. I don't think one is related to the other.

 

As has been mentioned I would definitely ask Bill what happened or what was said that night. Other than that there isn't a lot else you can do.

[Wiseman2]

So is it like reverse catfishing where you know her in real life but the online presence is the fabricated?

- No pictures of her or anyone

- No history of any real posts

- No friends

- No background, education, family or friends

[Tanzi]

I quickly wrote my friend off due to the fake name and profile.

 

But it isn't fake in the sense that the name she was using on Facebook is also the name she goes by in real life (whether that be the name she was given at birth or not). Fake would mean you found her on Facebook going by a completely different name and living a completely different life to the one she has told to you. She hasn't done that so I'm really confused by this whole "fake" thing.

[PaintWithLight]

But it isn't fake in the sense that the name she was using on Facebook is also the name she goes by in real life (whether that be the name she was given at birth or not). Fake would mean you found her on Facebook going by a completely different name and living a completely different life to the one she has told to you. She hasn't done that so I'm really confused by this whole "fake" thing.

 

I agree. A locked down profile with minimal information available to the public does not automatically mean it is fake.

[notalady]

Just adding, regarding the name, I use an English name and that's what everyone knows me by, including work, but my official legal name is in Chinese. Same with all of my friends who were originally from a non-English speaking country. Their parents and my parents too. So I'm not understanding this whole fake name claim.

 

Have you ever asked her what her official name is? Sometimes people ask me out of curiosity, and I tell them, of course.

[catfeeder]

1) What is going on?

2) I'm angry that I was duped. I like to think I was a good person and friend. Should I call her out that I found out that her name, her profile and all of that is fake?

3) What would you do with this friendship?

 

Lots of people keep bare placeholder pages for any number of reasons: social pressure to be 'on' the Internet, ability to view stuff from friends and family when they direct you there, and a total lack of interest in posting stuff herself. That doesn't make her 'fake,' it makes her private and smart.

 

You already pegged your guy friend as obnoxious with women. He may have misinterpreted something about your intentions regarding Janet or about Janet herself and overstepped to the point of offense. Janet likely disconnected herself from you afterward to avoid the guy's ability to contact her through you.

 

I'd apologize to Janet for using bad judgment in bringing the guy, and I'd ask her if I can make it up to her by treating her to a nice dinner or or lunch. If she takes you up on that, great. If not, I'd consider her too offended to pursue further and write off the lesson that guy friend is not social material in the future.

 

Meanwhile, I'd lose the chip. You were still in the new-friend-dating phase with Janet, and if her privacy and sensitivities are too fragile to be a good match with you, then I'd just chalk it up to that and leave her alone.