Help? is he planning on proposing?

[MissCanuck]

Being in love is not all that matters, OP.

 

That position in and of itself tells me you are not ready to get married, either.

[Billie28]

I'm sorry but I really don't think your understand how my relationship is. We're past the honeymoon phase. And even though I'm only 19 I've traveled outside of the country several times. I've been on mission trips around the world. I pay for my own apartment as does he, so it isn't like neither of us understand the world around us.

 

I understand your point, but I feel like your misjudging me here. I'm a very mature person and I always have been, but I do know I am young. So thank you for your concern.

 

I really only have any hurry because I want to spend the rest of my life with him and I know that with absolute certainty, so why wait?

 

You have certainty about your feelings only. To be proposed to soon, is to want certainty about his feelings which clearly you are uncertain but hopeful about. He could propose tomorrow and get married the next day, yet you will still have uncertainty. Why? Because you have not been together long enough , you can't even discuss your thoughts with him but instead try to read into others reactions to you , him and you both as a couple.

This is not the actions of maturity. The opposite in fact.

 

No one is judging you. In fact, everyone has responded without judgement but with facts. The mere fact that you believe you are being judged, is a sign of immaturity and a suggestion that you are too young to get married.

 

You pay rent, that suggests you are responsible but not mature.

 

You have been overseas without an adult holding your hand. But since you are only 19, it clearly hasn't been often and since it was missionary , it wasn't without guidance or organised by yourself. It's not unlike going on a school trip.

 

If you are so certain , not just about your feelings, but about his too, you would be in no hurry. After all, according to you, you are going to spend the rest of your life with him.

 

How certain will you be of his feelings knowing his family put the pressure on? Wouldn't you prefer a man who resists external pressure? And if he proposed , perhaps 5 yrs from now, that it was genuine and his own decision?

[Billie28]

To those comparing a 19 year old in current day to a 19 yr old from 30 years ago who is currently married 30 yrs, forget that comparison.

 

30 years ago, people conducted their lives locally. There was less opportunity for travel. There was less distraction via instant contact via text messages and social media didn't exist.

 

It's a completely different generation . Divorce wasn't much of an option both legally and morally. The sense of entitlement was less back then. People appreciated what they worked hard for , be it a job, career or relationship. And choices wrt relationships were made with more discernment.

 

The op "thinks" she is worldly and mature, but her posts and responses strongly suggest the opposite.

 

30 years ago, 19 was not an unusual age to get married. In current day it would be considered an immature decision. And statistics show that it would highly likely result in divorce.

[Snny]

The op "thinks" she is worldly and mature, but her posts and responses strongly suggest the opposite.

I have to agree that her responses does come off like a snarky, know-it-all teenager. By that's just the typical age maturity.

 

However I did meet my husband when I was 19. But we didn't tie the knot until 10 years later because we both were not financially ready. Both of us had to go back to school for our second degrees because we couldn't find stable employment.

[Hermes]

What Michelle said, her entire post, and this quote:

 

""If I had it my way, nobody would be allowed to marry until their thirties, because younger then that you have a lot of life lessons to learn and growing to do. It's rare to find that person young to grow with as you mature.""

[journeynow]

30 years ago, people conducted their lives locally…

...30 years ago, 19 was not an unusual age to get married.

 

Are you sure you are not thinking 100-200 years ago? 30 years ago would be my generation and most people I know grew up, left home, married someone from somewhere else, they settled in a third location, have moved a few times, different states, some have lived abroad for study or work. In fact, I can think of only one couple who have conducted their lives locally.

 

But one difference I notice these days based on ENA discussions is that dating is more like shopping. We have come to expect so many choices (be it toothpaste, cereal, phones, bandaids) and look for just the right combination of features in the items we buy. And one purchase doesn't mean we are committed to that particular version, we can go back and try a different version next round. Dating sounds like it may be similar, by the way many young people describe what they expect, and what they themselves want to accomplish before committing to someone else in their lives.

[Hermes]

Yeh. JN.

 

"But one difference I notice these days based on ENA discussions is that dating is more like shopping"