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Help? is he planning on proposing?


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Hi, I'm gonna give you a bit of backstory here.


I've been dating my bf for over a year now. We met during high school on a school trip but lost communication for a few years. We are extremely close and most nights one of us stays at the others apartment. We both know where we want to live in the future, how many kids, names, pets ECT. We even want to same type of wedding.


We are both very quiet people and it really has made it so We know about everything about each other.


Anyways, I know his mom has been asking him when he will propose to me, as is my family, but I know he doesn't currently have the money. ((we're in college. He's 21 and I'm 19))


I know that he is the one. I would marry him at this very moment if I could. I'm sorry if I'm rambling. I don't have many close friends and this is about the closest I can get to letting my feelings out.


He is currently saving as much money as possible. I'm not sure if it's for a shiny ring or because we plan to go to Vegas with my sister and her husband in a year. He hasn't really expressed interest in my ring size but every time we visit my parents he's always been super close to my dad. My parents already think of him like family. His mom has even accidentally called me her kid in front of my mom! :star:


I guess what I'm asking is that if you think he's thinking about getting married.

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I think at age 21 it is highly unlikely that he plans on proposing any time soon. He would be wise to hold off on marriage for at least 5 years (imo), give him time to grow and mature and get more life experience etc etc. If he is saving money, my guess it would be for the trip to Vegas.


Also, he should tell his parents to butt out and quit "dropping hints".

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Nope! He is not planning a proposal. He is only 21 and if he proposed at such a young age you should decline. But continue the dating process. You are clearly still in the honeymoon phase.


It's all very cute that you have decided what wedding you would like, that you are going to name your dog , fluffy and your kids Dexter and Champagne. Or whatever!


You are 19! Where have you travelled to? Have you been to another country even?


You are it seems living in such a tiny bubble and have yet to experience life outside it.


To look forward to a proposal now is to look forward to a divorce in 5 yrs.


What's your hurry?

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One of my friends, married for almost 30 years, got engaged at 19 and married at 21 - I wouldn't dismiss it out of hand -it is on the young side but it depends on the people involved. What I am surprised about -if you're so close to him and have so many specific discussions about marriage, just ask him if he has a timeline in mind. The proposal itself can still be a surprise.


As far as his parents - his mother referring to you as "her kid" might have nothing to do with marriage -you're young, you're at their house a lot so she considers you one of her kids. If you marry him, you'll be an adult who is her daughter in law - so I wouldn't read into it. It's not a bad thing -she obviously thinks a lot of you and cares about you -so that part is all good.

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Look, I don't think anyone here can really call the shots on this one. He very well COULD be saving for a ring, and he very well could be just saving for vacation or whatever. We can't answer this one for you. I will say, the possibility absolutely does exist; if he is deeply in love with you (despite it only being a year), and there are pressures from the family, he maybe thinking screw it and ask you to marry him. I think it's wrong that parents pressure their kids to get married. You are are VERY young. I do know a man very well that is like family to me. He's 66 years old, and he married his wife at 18 years old fresh out of high school. They are still happily married today. I also have a very good friend in his 30's marry someone he only knew for two months. They've been married for five years now and have a beautiful baby boy together.


It's not impossible, it can work, but in most cases, it's a bad idea to marry so young and in such a fresh relationship still. There are stories with happy endings, but I'm willing to bet there are more bad ones than good ones. I also noticed this on dating sites; the massive amounts of young women who have "divorced" as their relationship status because they got married too fast. You two have only been together for a year now as well. That's not enough time to know if you are right for one another or not in terms of marriage IMO. I'd recommend someone be with another at least three years. If you like someone that many years and things are are still great, I would consider it. But not after only a year.


If he does propose to you, do not feel pressured or obligated to marry him if you do not feel it's time yet. You two can still continue falling deeper in love and getting to know each other over more time even if you reject his proposal. I can tell you one thing. I fell in love with a girl at your ages (21). I'm 26 years old now. I thought I would marry that woman back then, and she turned out to be a closet lesbian! That would have been a bad pick for me! And I feel personally that I have matured and grown mentally tenfold since 25~ years old. I think if someone does get married in your 20's, wait until your mid twenties at least, till you've been an adult for a good while and you've grown up a bit more. I'm not the same person I was five years ago or even two years ago. You just don't have a lot of life experience yet, trust me. And although I feel I've matured I'm sure I will have even more life experience at 30 and so forth. You're always growing mentally.


Just take your time with this guy and go with the flow.

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I guess what I'm asking is that if you think he's thinking about getting married.


Wow! That's awesome! Reading about a couple of young people in love is like a breath of fresh air. This is great HpAnon! I wish you and your "soon-to-be" husband the best in life and in love! May your future marriage be blessed in so many ways!

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I'm sorry but I really don't think your understand how my relationship is. We're past the honeymoon phase. And even though I'm only 19 I've traveled outside of the country several times. I've been on mission trips around the world. I pay for my own apartment as does he, so it isn't like neither of us understand the world around us.


I understand your point, but I feel like your misjudging me here. I'm a very mature person and I always have been, but I do know I am young. So thank you for your concern.


I really only have any hurry because I want to spend the rest of my life with him and I know that with absolute certainty, so why wait?

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So .... See if he is saving for a ring, if he wants to propose, if you are ready to accept or not, if you have a problem with him having this on his agenda...


A dam whole lot of if to figure before even being anxious and start wondering to the point of making a post on a relationship about it.


You have every thing to be happy right now... Just be and see how it unfolds and then address it?!

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These days, people who marry so young generally don't stay married longer than a few years. Why?


There are plenty of reasons. Job and financial insecurity, wanting to date and sexually explore other people, changing interests and career prospects, lack of preparedness for family and children, and the list goes on. We're still developing in our teens and 20s, and many of us can attest to how much we changed in that period of our lives. I know I sure did. Heck, I don't even live on the same continent anymore.


One can be mature for his or her age, but still not ready to make a lifetime commitment. That's a serious prospect at any age, particularly when you've just barely entered adulthood. That's not to say there aren't success stories, but there's also a reason why those are few and far between in this generation.


All you can do is talk to your boyfriend. You should be able to do so by now. Ask him what his timeline is. That's the only way you'll really know if you're on the same page. Just don't panic if he's not ready yet. Most 21-year-olds aren't, especially men.


You say why wait, but in turn I ask you - what's the rush?

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Batya had a good question. If it's this serious, why can't you talk about it with him?


Well we have. We both know that we want to be together for as long as possible. We just haven't talked about the when. Mainly it's because he wants to be all secretive about the when and how. I know it will be within the next few years too.

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You say why wait, but in turn I ask you - what's the rush?


The rush isn't because I have some fantasy in my head about being happy. Everyone will have issues. All I want is to start a life with him. To know that I'll see him every night. And wake up next to him in the morning. I know that he will propose in the next few years because we have had a few discussions.


It's not even that I want to rush into it. I honestly don't care about a wedding or anything if the sort. I just want to be married to him in God's eyes. We are both very Christian and marriage is something sacred. I've known his for years. I was there when his dad passed away. I know him better than he knows himself a lot of times.


Yes we both will change but neither of us want anyone else. That sounds slightly childish I understand, but I can promise you with my entire being that he is the one for me and vise versa.


You asked me what I am rushing for, and really I guess I cant answer that. When it comes down to it I would wait 30 years if I needed to. I'm in love with him and at the end of the day love is all that really matters isn't it?

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It sounds like you are thinking way to far ahead and in a much romanticized way. You are dating a year, you are in college, 19 y/o, have no jobs, no money, etc, and shouldn't be pressuring yourself or him to propose.


It seems all you are thinking about is romance and "shiny rings" and wedding parties, that in itself shows you are not ready for and too immature to get married. You post is very sad, because you will be disappointed by reality when you grow up more emotionally


Unfortunately it sounds like this Disney scenario is mostly in your mind and you are desperately looking for "signs" that a diamond ring is imminent. Relax...graduate college, learn to make a living. What's the hurry?

I know his mom has been asking him when he will propose to me, as is my family, but I know he doesn't currently have the money.we're in college. He's 21 and I'm 19

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I'm sorry but your reply was very rude. I'll have you know that we both work and pay for our own food and apartments. Neither of us live even close to our families. So no I'm not romanticizing anything. Honestly if he didn't give me a ring and the only way we could get married was in a court room I wouldn't care. I do not care about wedding parties and all that crap. I just want to spend the rest of my days with the person I love.


You're telling me I'm too immature to get married but you really don't know anything about me. Youbdont know that I worked all through high school and I work now. I pay for myself and I work as much as possible all while going through college. Please don't assume you know anything about me.

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Ahh well that's the thing. We both have very traditional views when it comes to that.


OK, then I suppose you can ask him, or wait and learn to relax about it. If you are anxious about it, learn tools to handle anxiety. (I'm prone to anxiety and having tools is a big plus in life, no matter what the issue.) Getting frustrated with strangers on the internet won't' get you closer to your answer.

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"I'm in love with him and at the end of the day love is all that really matters isn't it?"


No it isn't enough HPAnon.


If "love" were enough then we wouldn't have the hundreds if not thousands on forums such as this crying their hearts out. Love is not enough.


Real hard-headed thinking is what is required, HP. As a starting point.

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I'm sorry but your reply was very rude.

No-one was rude. If anything, Wiseman's post absolutely nailed it. Your very defensive reaction does show immaturity in itself. I also got the strong impression you are romanticizing everything, like living a fairy tale dream and reality is far far from that fairy tale. Marriage is very hard work. It's not just a case of living together and everything is just wonderful. There is so much more to it. I think instead of getting so defensive, take some of the well meant advice - there really is no reason to rush into marriage (which it seems you are very anxious to do). You'd be both shocked and surprised at how much one changes between the ages of 19 and 25 - it's like being a totally different person.


That said, if your love is as strong as you claim it to be, then he'll be around for a long time, long enough for you both to grow and mature and get more life experience and to get married in 6 or 7 years time.

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I once had an Acedemic teacher at my community college say something so wise.


"If I had it my way, nobody would be allowed to marry until their thirties, because younger then that you have a lot of life lessons to learn and growing to do. It's rare to find that person young to grow with as you mature." He had also been a marriage counselor earlier in life, but retired to teach a marriage/ family course I needed at the time.


I was fuming when he said that. I was 20 years old and was in love with my first love and planning on getting engaged.


Boy was I happy when that relationship ended. In that case it ended because well we were both not ready and he turned very emotionally abusive.


Then at 22 I met somebody I stayed with for ten years, really a good portion of seven years. The last three years I don't count as he fell ill and I didn't see him hardly.


Now one year after that ended I'm with somebody new and hoping it turns into what it's meant to be either the one or a best friendship if it ends. I'm 34 now!


My point OP is life is constantly changing even when you are older. It's just at 19 you are more vulnerable to the change even if you are very mature. You see him after one year of being your life partner. Why not give it six to seven years to see if you still feel that way? If it's meant to be you will grow together.


It's better then growing apart and in divorce.


Love isn't enough!


You can love somebody and because of the other nessecities required for the formula of a relationship, such as when a horrible tough patch or major life event happens, you aren't always prepared. You have to have the tools of complete utter devotion and patience, and honesty to know if you tried your best or not during those times.


I say give it time.



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To know that I'll see him every night. And wake up next to him in the morning.

That's... That's one of your top reason you want to marry him?


After being married for four months I really missed sleeping like this. I literally go to bed early just so I can do this:



I mean let's think about it: once you're married you have to SHARE the bed and the blanket with your relative for the rest of your life.


Do you ever pay attention to some of the mattress commercials about couples having issues to get a good nights rests? The struggle is real. Very real.

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