apology letter: to send or not to send?

[takewhatuwant]

Ex and I break up....volatile...petty ugly things said from both sides... One month of NC

 

want to soften the energy by acknowledging we could have done better an apologize for my part.

 

This is for me. But also for them to know that I honored the relationship and the time we spent together.

 

rather than hold the anger in my heart..release it with love,and then go no contact.

 

I am sending from an email account I dont use and dont plan to check again untill many months.

 

Just planting the seeds for forgiveness.

 

Send or no?

[JonnyD79]

Don't send.

What are you ACTUALLY hoping it will achieve?

[rich46]

Bit confused by your previous posts. Is your ex a male or female?

 

I will never contact him again..but Im hurt and angry. A part of me honors what we shared and still feels love and a connection to him..but the other part of me wants him to get run over by a school bus.

and it seemed like the more i held on the more she let go ( always how it goes ) shes so beautiful and smart and i miss her so much. i miss the sex i miss the doing nothing in bed together intimacy..will i ever feel this way again? Im so tired of living. too painful. I wont kill myself but...

Male or female, I would recommend moving forward with your healing, and working through the pain by yourself.

[musicman777]

Listen to yourself, you sound ridiculous! "release it with love", lol. Get over yourself, OP. The only reason people feel like sending "apology letters" is because they secretly still have feelings for that person and hoping there's still a spark of interest there. Give it up and delete this letter. You're going to do nothing but draw up unwanted feelings and drama by sending this.

 

You don't owe your ex anything. Your ex is officially that; your ex. It doesn't matter if you "honored" the relationship. It's over and I'm sure they wouldn't give a flying crap about hearing something like that. It no longer matters what they think of you. It no longer matters even what you think of it. The relationship is OVER. Rack up this relationship with this person as an experience for the next person, now you have a better idea of what you do/don't like in a relationship.

 

You doing silly stuff like this is just going to make it harder for both you and your ex to get over this break up. Seriously, give it up. No contact means "no contact". Writing sappy and unnecessary apology letters about a break up isn't honoring that. You know, one last note... a lot of breakups are hard and often end in arguments/fighting. That is life. Eventually you will both get over it, I promise. And you will do so without having to write silly apology letters.

[Wiseman2]

Write it all out, keep it, reread it, journal it, whatever it takes to heal and process. Do not send it.

 

It will not bring "closure" and you lose control over the situation by wondering about a response..or what he thought...or...or...or.

 

It's a giant step backward on the healing road and a giant step downward on the self-respect ladder to send an ex this kind of "I can't get over it, so I'm spending my time and energy sending a letter to say I'm over it" stuff.

 

Plant the seeds of forgiveness in your own mind, that's all that matters.

rather than hold the anger in my heart..release it with love,and then go no contact. I am sending from an email account I dont use and dont plan to check again untill many months. Send or no?

same guy?

[Seymore]

Ex and I break up....volatile...petty ugly things said from both sides... One month of NC

 

want to soften the energy by acknowledging we could have done better an apologize for my part.

 

This is for me. But also for them to know that I honored the relationship and the time we spent together.

 

rather than hold the anger in my heart..release it with love,and then go no contact.

 

I am sending from an email account I dont use and dont plan to check again untill many months.

 

Just planting the seeds for forgiveness.

 

Send or no?

 

Lol what? Release it with love? Soften the energy? Plant the seeds for forgiveness? This is what I picture a Nicholas Sparks book to read like.

 

And whether or not you plan to check that email account again, you most certainly will if you send that letter.

 

Don't kid yourself with all this.

[journeynow]

Go ahead and write it and hold onto it. Imagine it sending out the energy into the universe. No need to email it at this moment, as it may have unintended consequences and create an unwanted string attached to the tangle left behind. Reread it in a month but don't send. And another month, don't send.

 

In the meantime, you might try something symbolic IN THE WORLD to soften your energy around this, such writing a check to a charity of your choice (The Humane Society?, a battered women's shelter?, a disaster relief organization?") while saying to yourself "I offer this gift to the world to soften the energy by acknowledging my better self".

 

I am not opposed to the spirit of your letter, and yet I think its benefit might come from directing it into a broader field, positive energy doing the world good. So soon after a break up I don't think it's a kindness to send breadcrumbs (even if meant for good) toward the ex.

[BeHeard]

It's a difficult thing to face, but know that if you send it, it isn't going to change anything. Really.

 

I think a huge part of NC is being honest with yourself and your true motives. I know, I've been there and done that. I've put a spin on things (and I truly believed them at the time) for my actions that would break NC. I justified the actions.

 

You are a grown person. You can do what you like. The bigger question is, will you truly TRULY be able to deal with the disappointment when there is not only no response... but it changes nothing? That's my bigger concern.