takewhatuwant

Exactly this.... I cant just feel my way into the shallow end of the pool. Its dive into the deep end or nothing. That's mildly terrifying to commit to, when you simultaneously have a dream to see the remainder of the world before you commit to any relationship..let alone a relationship of this significance. I need to be in the right place in order to be ready for this type of commitment.. I am clearly not. As for doing the long distance thing, I don't want to have my adventure encumbered by the expectation of a relationship. I guess I just want to be free right now.

If ever I received a virtual smack upside the back of the head, this would be it. Your message is on point…thank you for that clarity. I guess I just needed a reality check...The timing was wrong, we were not a good fit, but I invested in a life and a part of me misses that life now that the leaves are changing color and the weather is getting colder.. and the loneliness creeps in. I suppose there are better ways to combat that feeling, than pining after an old love connection.. I am in love with your shoe analogy btw. ( definitely going to use that! )

It would be left open, I would never ask him to wait if he met someone new.. but that's out the door anyway, I am not going to suggest this. After reading all these messages it is clear that this is not the best route to go. "sellers remorse", Yea a bit.. more like buyers remorse because I never should have gotten involved!

Fair.. But I like the idea of being involved in the baby's life ( If he'll let me.. I grew pretty attached to her! ).. obviously I will respect boundaries. Some of my greatest friendships are with my ex bfs .. Maybe its a little different in the gay community, when we rely on our chosen family to be our source of connection and "family" ( sometimes, not always..he and I both have supportive families). Even more so, I would imagine it would be hard as a single gay dad to not feel completely isolated.. I just want him to know he has a support network if he needs.. It really takes a village!.. But again, yea, only if its not weird and he doesn't have a new partner who feels threatened. On that note: do you think its hard to date as a single gay dad?

This definitely makes things a bit clearer for sure... But how and when do I message him if I simply want to be friends? No plans to mention the 2023 idea, but wondering when is the appropriate time to reach out to say "hey, how are ya"?.. I was thinking in November, after 3 months has passed.

Yes, true, I am seeing this now.. I wouldn't want him to put himself " On ice "... you're right..not fair

haha ok this IS accurate...I am a free spirit and he is a workaholic Type A with a newborn...although I think the incompatibility mainly lies in the simple fact of geography: me not willing to stay in Canada until 2023.. but Fair.. I agree that its selfish... I acknowledged that in my post.. just wasn't sure how to navigate when I legitimately see myself giving it a try when I am back in 2023. I wouldn't really call that "absurd".. I see it a bit more clearly now that I have put it in writing..

The only reason we weren't compatible, was because I was trying to figure out how to have both the relationship, and my year away to finish off my life in Asia..It was hard to have 2 different realities at the same time..that is why I ended it.. In every other way we were compatible.. the small little details and differences did not amount to incompatibility..

If anyone has read my previous posts you'll see that this has been quite the journey. (m41/ m39) I ended a relationship with someone I met after getting stuck in Canada because of the pandemic. ( I was living in Asia for the last 5 years, came home to VISIT Canada last March, because of Covid, got stuck because borders closed, met someone with a newborn baby, broke it off because I was going back to Asia for a year, and because newborn baby life was very overwhelming for him/ me/us ). Basically, I ended it because I was not ready to commit to a long term relationship with a man and a newborn baby, at this time. I had planned to come back to Canada, in March 2023, and hopefully meet someone then. THIS was my plan!...meeting him was totally unexpected..(if I met him in 2023 this would have been perfect!) AND If a child is involved, and the person is looking for someone who can commit to a "packaged deal", you kinda have to be all-in.. I wasn't sure...so I ended it.. But, I am wondering if I can propose the idea now, of reconnecting in 2023 when I am back in Canada? Pick up where we left off....date and see how it goes, as we had been doing before I decided I didn't want to be tied down....... I would likely be ready for a serious relationship at that time, so....why not plant the seed of possibility in his mind now? ( give me time to tie up loose ends in Asia, and him time to get the hang of dad life ) Is it a good Idea to write him and ask him what he thinks about that? OR Should I just let it go for now, continue no contact and then revisit it when I am ACTUALLY back in Canada? I am tempted to write him now, and present this idea, because I am afraid of the possibility of him meeting someone else and totally moving on.. ( Selfish I know ), but I am also wanting to maintain friendly contact with him in the meantime anyway.. Alternatively, I am willing to take the risk and let it go for now, and wait until 2023 to ask him for a date ( assuming he is still single. ). I need some advice as this is totally new territory. Currently, we are 2 months out of the relationship, no contact. We broke up very kind, cordially and lovingly. All is well... I had planned to contact him in November by sending a card for the baby's 1st birthday. ( that would be 3 months ) and hit him up for a friendly beer or chat. But yea, what to do?