Social Media - if you want to heal...

[Seymore]

]

 

I tend to drop in and out, but I've been here about 10 years now. One thing that I have seen most often by far is people asking "How do I heal?" - and believe it or not, nine times out of 10, they refuse to block or unfriend the ex.

 

"I don't do that."

Then you don't heal, either.

 

"It's not nice."

It's not a nice thing to do YOURSELF - agonizing over their every post.

 

"I want to be the bigger person."

Then unfriend or block - the bigger person doesn't hang on, putting themselves through hell.

 

"I still want to be their friend."

Most likely, you don't. You're waiting for your big chance to get back together. You dumped them, or they dumped you.

 

 

At least unfriend or block your ex. If you really want to heal, don't lie to yourself. Why on earth would you, a person who cares about yourself, want to know how or what your ex is doing? STOP for a minute and think before you go on there. There is usually one thing you're thinking:

 

"Are they thinking about me?"

 

Think about this: If they aren't, you just set yourself back. Here come the "why not's"…and you're on the downward spiral again.

 

If they ARE, you set yourself back. Now you want to know more. Now they're on your mind even more, and you're holding yourself back.

 

Either way, you'll be thinking about them for the next few days, if not weeks as a result. Obsessing. Likely regretting you went there in the first place. All it takes is seeing one new profile picture of them smiling and you're back where you started, miserable again.

 

"What are they thinking about me? Who are they with and/or thinking about now?" It's a no-win situation, and it applies to all social media. Not to get religious, but there's a line from the Bible stating if your eye troubles you, gouge it out. Well, if social media troubles you, why not gouge it out?

 

You are worth more than a minute of your ex on your mind. And if your family is on Facebook, well - call or email. People did that before social media came along. And if you think people won't talk to you because you're off Facebook? Then they're not friends.

 

You don't NEED Facebook in your life, and you certainly don't need the stress or drama that comes with it. You can do it - cold turkey. It'll save your sanity and at the very least your phone's battery life.

[Wiseman2]

Mark Zuckerberg is not getting rich invading my privacy with data-mining and running my life, that's for sure. There's no free lunch including FB.

[SherrySher]

what I'm saying regarding internet.....

[moodindigo91]

When my old ex and I broke up, I didn't unfriend him or even block him, because I did still want to be his friend. He used no other social media except Facebook, and Facebook allows you to hide your stuff from people and hide people's stuff from you. I basically muted him from showing up in my newsfeed AT ALL, I also was able to mute him from showing up on the chat sidebar. I kept it that way for months and months and months and months, and I was able to heal nicely. The only way I'd see his stuff is if I physically searched for his page and went on it directly, which I admit I did do for the first week, but then I stopped. After some time, I was able to unhide him from me and me from him, we became friends. He's married now, couldn't be happier.

 

You do have to either hide them, block them, or remove them. Or simply, just stop looking or using social media. I don't understand why people won't give themselves the chance to heal. Even if you do block or remove them as a friend, it's not permanent. You can unblock them and add them back later! Why do people think it's like some permanent and huge meaningful action?

 

I don't understand it, either lol.

[SherrySher]

Temptations of the broken hearted is not an easy go, especially when it's only one click.

[Seymore]

When my old ex and I broke up, I didn't unfriend him or even block him, because I did still want to be his friend. He used no other social media except Facebook, and Facebook allows you to hide your stuff from people and hide people's stuff from you. I basically muted him from showing up in my newsfeed AT ALL, I also was able to mute him from showing up on the chat sidebar. I kept it that way for months and months and months and months, and I was able to heal nicely. The only way I'd see his stuff is if I physically searched for his page and went on it directly, which I admit I did do for the first week, but then I stopped. After some time, I was able to unhide him from me and me from him, we became friends. He's married now, couldn't be happier.

 

You have a bit more self-control than most. I think a lot of people lie to themselves when it comes to that, and physically searching takes nothing to do. I think blocking or deactivating should be the way to go, but it's not a hard and fast rule.

 

If people split amicably, then maybe all that isn't necessary. But for someone who is in pain after a breakup, it's nothing but trouble. It also sets up problems for the future - I believe that a lot of people who are friends with exes have a hard time letting go and are fooling themselves. One party is usually on a different page and it creates unnecessary drama. Again, not the rule, and doesn't necessarily apply to you. I personally wouldn't bother.

[pippy longstocking]

I have always said I am soooooooooooooooooooooo glad the ex that brought me here to ENA isn't on F/B ...I know what I would have done ..I might be a straggly pube away from 50 years old but but madness knows no limits lol

[kara025]

I think this depends on the relationship and your own use of social media. I'm not very active on Facebook (probably check a couple times a week, maximum and even then its because some apps require you to login) but I love Instagram. However since I'm so active on Instagram, I really reserve that for close friends. Therefore for a breakup, I might not remember to unfriend an ex on Facebook but I'll remember on Instagram and unfollow/block right away.

 

But I will agree that most don't have the willpower to not proactively look at their ex's profile and for those, yes Unfriend/Block is the best for their healing

 

I will say that the ONE benefit of keeping an ex as a friend (however, I restrict their access to my profile, delete all shared posts, and block on chat) is that you don't see them pop up on dating apps, since most have an option to "unmatch with friends." I went through a terrible break up with an ex and after unfriending/blocking would subsequently see him on dating apps, which would irk me! He has since re-friended me and I accepted, only to put him on a restricted list!

[Seymore]

 

I will say that the ONE benefit of keeping an ex as a friend (however, I restrict their access to my profile, delete all shared posts, and block on chat) is that you don't see them pop up on dating apps, since most have an option to "unmatch with friends." I went through a terrible break up with an ex and after unfriending/blocking would subsequently see him on dating apps, which would irk me! He has since re-friended me and I accepted, only to put him on a restricted list!

 

Hang on - if seeing your ex on a dating app would still affect you in a bad way, why would you be on a dating app?

[Lucha]

I agree to the above but I must say for me personally, blocking my ex on social media hasn't done the magic trick of healing. It has been three years, I blocked her instantly, had a few setbacks with contact in between the first year, but that's it. Still healing!

I've had other relationships after her where I couldn't care less whether or not I had the person as a friend on facebook.

 

So I don't think the contact thing is the be all and end all when it comes to healing. But it's a start.

[kara025]

Hang on - if seeing your ex on a dating app would still affect you in a bad way, why would you be on a dating app?

 

I would hope not in a "bad" way...but its certainly not FUN seeing an ex on a dating app! For the ex's that have popped up for me, I have genuinely moved on and realized that they were/are not a good fit for me. So when I'm on an app or dating site, ready to date/have been dating and they show up "without my permission" its just an annoyance. You've blocked/hidden them from your social media yet you can't do the same on these sites!

[Seymore]

I never said it was the end all. But people who stay in contact via social media with their ex tend to wind up here complaining and wondering why they can't heal.

 

It doesn't solve everything, but most people would be less healed had they not taken that step. People still hang out with their exes, for Chrissake! Then they come here complaining about "wah the ex did this or that" - it's insanity. You're not going to stop bleeding with the knife still lodged in you.

[JonnyD79]

The best thing I've done for this break-up is block her on all social media.

I've deleted all photos this week too. I had not feelings for her at all looking through the pictures.

 

I still have days when I feel crap (today being one), but I am healing.

[youareworthy]

Taking down my FB page was one of the best things I have ever done, not just for healing from my big breakup 1.5 years ago, but for loads of other reasons. So happy, and never going back to FB.

[treesandbees]

My ex didn't have a FB but I had people from my country and then the country we had moved to and he stayed in on my FB and I deleted my FB altogether as not to see pictures of him in my feed from them even if it was just a one image would have been too much and I didn't want him creeping on me and seeing pictures of me he might save or what have you. So when I say he didn't have a FB account I mean he didn't have one he thought people knew about, haha.. yeah he had a creeper account from his RPG days and never deleted but told me he did because an ex found him, lies after lies.