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kara025

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  1. "Dan" and I had been dating for 14 months or so when I decided I needed a break; my dad is terminally ill and I had just changed careers so life was quite overwhelming and I just wanted to focus on me and my family. During the 2.5 month break, Dan and I were lightly in touch and very civil but we mostly did our own thing. I did miss him while we were apart since we always had a lot of fun just doing things together but I did notice that I wasn't dependent on him for emotional support. During our relationship, there were a couple incidents where I felt emotionally unsafe when we fought (he would raise his voice, swear, and keep repeating things over and over again) and there were also some incidents that didn't involve me (either strangers or coworkers or his family) that were also concerning about how he dealt with his emotions. It also did not help that he would be more prone to anger or irritation when he took his ADD medication, so many little things could set him off. As a result, I kind of closed myself off to him emotionally which didn't help our relationship. Last weekend he took a 3-day self-help course (basically, intensive therapy) to help him look inward and get to the root of his anger issues. On his way home, his car got a flat near my house and stopped by while waiting for the tow vehicle. We talked and I was very impressed with how much work he was doing on improving himself. He brought up potentially getting back together but I'm not sure how I feel quite yet. I know he very much wants me in his life and has said/shown me in several ways. What do you guys think? How should I proceed?
  2. I'm not sure where this should be posted, but thought this subforum would be most appropriate since my relationship seems to be heading in this direction at the moment Last year my father was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. The doctors gave him until the end of the year to live. He beat that prognosis and is still here with us now, however he is not in the best of shape. Recently the family and I have been arguing and fighting a lot (brother + mom VS younger siblings + me) about money, treatment, etc. and the stress has taken a huge toll on all of us. For me, it has grimly affected my work (unproductive and can't focus), my health (depressed, no appetite, and sleepless nights), and my 1 year relationship with my boyfriend (less affectionate and pessimistic). Understandably this has been starting to affect Eric as well and it's starting to stress the foundation of our relationship. He complains that I am no longer fun and positive (like at the beginning of our relationship), which I wholeheartedly agree with (although I try to find some moments!). To make matters worse, I feel like I have very limited strength and energy to put into the relationship at this point and as a result, we are deteriorating. It sucks because I also want to go back to being that fun-loving, positive person as well and I can't tell him when or promise that I will be that person again once my father passes away. We've talked at length about this but he seems to be loosing patience. I don't know what to do; I've been seeing a therapist regularly and told him that I will actively work on my stress and our relationship (in addition to improving family relations) but it is definitely slow going. I really don't want to loose him but I don't know what else to do. Our relationship has been pretty strong for the last year with few disagreements and we have been getting to know each other quite slowly since my family situation has always been in the background. I'm not sure if our relationship is falling apart because we are now out of the honeymoon phase or if it's the added stress. Any advice would be very welcome. And feel free to ask any questions as I've left out a lot here. Sorry if it's a bit jumbled; I'm feeling out of sorts
  3. Hey ND, I've been following your thread sporadically for a some time now and I know that you are really into online dating. However when I did online dating in the past, what I found discouraging was that there was no "runway" to get to know someone without romantic pretenses. Either you are interested or not. I feel that this doesn't really give me the chance to evaluate the person as a whole (do I even like this person even as a friend) vs as a romantic partner. Its a subtle distinction (because those two should overlap quite a bit) but quite important because there isn't a pressure to be "on" or "evaluating" at all times. Do you think this neutral ground to get to know someone is important at all? How could you/I incorporate this into online dating? Also someone very wise once said to me about dating: We only date people long enough to learn about their bad traits....
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