I love my boyfriend but do I have a crush on someone else?

[MirandaM]

I've been in a happy relationship with my boyfriend for 4 years, we clicked extremely well from the beginning that I still feel it's too good to be true to find someone I can be this comfortable and compatible with.

 

Last year I met a guy who I didn't think much of but the more we got to talking we realized we share a lot of the same opinions and sentiments. Anyway then both me and this guy, happen to went through the same experience of being unhappy working in a foreign country (although different workplaces) and we confided in each other about our feelings and such. It was the first time I felt a connection with a guy other than my current boyfriend and it got me a little flustered, which has never happened before since I met my boyfriend. And just many other incidents where we talk and to find out we have a lot of sameness and we joked are we the same person but boy/girl versions.

 

I am confused why I feel an attraction with this guy when I'm happy with my boyfriend and he is nothing but wonderful with me and treats me really well. I grew up insecure and didn't have any guy friends, so I was thinking maybe this is me not getting used to being friends with guys or wanting to get some attention from other guys? Also my current boyfriend is the only guy I've ever been with, at first I didn't mind at all feeling like I met 'the one' right off the bat and didn't experience dating more people, so maybe this is me being inexperienced to dating and curious to what is out there?

 

I don't know and I feel awful that I have these feelings for another person and imagining if my boyfriend found out he would be heartbroken..

I guess I'm confused and want to know that this is normal and it doesn't mean I'm unhappy in my relationship.

 

Grateful if anyone can provide insight from other perspectives!

[Matt3939]

The one doesn't exist. We are human we can be attracted to many people. It's natural. We do however have brains. We choose to be who we are with.

[becomingkate]

It's tough, especially if your relationship was so good in the past.

In my opinion, people grow and change many times before the age of 25, making it difficult to maintain the status quo. You end up growing in different directions.

Something must have been missing for you to persue an emotional affair.

It's probably time to figure out what's best for you both.

[MirandaM]

Thanks for the inputs.

 

I'd have to agree with Matt3939. Never really thought about it that way since I'm a hopeless romantic but you're right!

The more I think of it even though I might have a slight attraction to another person I do not want to risk anything with my relationship.

[nutbrownhare]

I have various male friends with whom I have a connection - though a shared creative occupation - of a kind that I won't have with my boyfriend. That's because my boyfriend doesn't work in that profession and couldn't possibly understand the challenges we face, but I connect with him on many, many levels way beyond any of them. You don't say how old you are, but you sound very young, and at a stage where it's easy to confuse getting along and emotional closeness with romance. They are not at all the same thing. The fact that you haven't had male friends who were just that - friends - is probably part of it. There's nothing like having brothers and male friends and colleagues to demystify the opposite sex!

 

We are complex beings, and in life we meet people who satisfy a variety of needs - this is desirable, and the notion that we have a partner who will satisfy all our wants and desires is completely unrealistic to the point of being dangerous.

 

Another point is that we're presented with a very unhealthy view of the way relationships should be - through dramas, soaps, tragic literature etc etc - and very little material which affirms that relationships can be fun, easy and fulfilling. It sounds that you already have that with your partner!

[ThatwasThen]

Just because we are in a relationship, it doesn't mean we stop finding other people attractive and who get our juices flowing (either in real life, or in someone famous *winks at Josh Donaldson who was just up to bat

 

That is why we all must hone our personal boundaries and our relationship boundaries and not tear them down for someone outside of our union. You have an attraction to this guy so you should keep your interactions with him to a minimum, you shouldn't do one on one date like activities with him, you shouldn't chat to him through text or email and you should keep your focus on your boyfriend with whom you love and have a wonderful relationship with.

 

If more people did that, then this "most people don't stay with their first sexual partner for life" mantra wouldn't ring true.

 

Glad to hear you're happy with your boyfriend... just do all you can to keep yourself on track with him.

[Rising100]

First of all, want to say that you have something very special with your boyfriend. Some people dont even find someone but you already have one, so dont ruin it.

Also, you will find people who you connect with or find attractive. However what you do after that is what makes a difference when you are in a relationship.

Try to see what you have learned about your connection with this other man and use it to improve your relationship with your boyfriend. You can also use this as a lesson to know how far you can go with people you connect with and not let it affect your relationship.

 

I keep a certain distance from other females when Im a relationship, my feelings and personal things are to be shared with my girlfriend only. Its just my two cents, hope this helps.

[MirandaM]

Thank you for all your replies!

 

To nutbrownhare, I'm 24 years old and yes I think I confuse emotional closeness and romance a lot since I never had any male friends.. With my boyfriend, he always supports/encourages me when I tell him about my insecurities and worries which is really nice and with this other guy it was the the first time a guy who says 'I feel the same way' when I tell him about my worries, probably because he is closer to my age and this is what made me go 'Hmm..'

 

There were times when our mutual friends cancelled and it looks like only the two of us are going, so I made up excuses because I felt uncomfortable and I'd hate it if my boyfriend gets jealous. This is new to me because ever since I met my boyfriend all guys just pale so much in comparison 'til I found this guy who I easily got along with, I was kind of surprised I could have these kind of feelings.

 

And @Rising100 that's a good last point, I was under a lot of stress and even though I also confided in my boyfriend and he cheered me up, I confided to this person also and feels he understood me better because he was going through the same thing.

 

Anyway, I do know I'm super lucky to find my so who loves me in the good times as well as the bad, it's just that it seems there's still a lot of things about relationships I have just come to known! Thank you all for the feedbacks they really help.